New member
Apr 6, 2002
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La Villa Strangiato
Re: More Adventures of Lil' Johnny......

A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First little girl says "The sky is definitely blue." Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be grey, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown..."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks.. "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK... then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
This one did have me ROTFLMFAO!


CF Freestyle GrandMaster
Jun 26, 2002
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Don't Say This During......


But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Did I mention the video camera?

Do you smell something burning?

(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

Try breathing through your nose.

A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

But whipped cream makes me break out.

Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.

Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!

Can you please pass me the remote control?

Do you accept Visa?


On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

So much for mouth-to-mouth.

(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

(Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

Do you get any premium movie channels?

Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

(Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned
this couch!

Got any penicillin?

But I just brushed my teeth...

Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

I want a baby!

So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

(In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

I think you have it on backwards.

When is this supposed to feel good?

Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

You're good enough to do this for a living!

Is that blood on the headboard?

Did I remember to take my pill?

Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

I wish we got the Playboy channel...

That leak better be from the waterbed!

I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

No, really... I do this part better myself!

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

This would be more fun with a few more people.

You're almost as good as my ex!

Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

You look younger than you feel.

Perhaps you're just out of practice.

You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.

Now I know why he/she dumped you...

Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.

What tampon?

Have you ever considered liposuction?

And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

What are you planning to make for breakfast?

I have a confession...

I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

Are those real or am I just behind the times?

Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

Is that a hanging sculpture?

You'll still vote for me, won't you?

Did I mention my transsexual operation?

I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

Did you come yet, dear?

I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

Does this count as a date?

Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

Hic! I need another beer for this please.

I think biting is romantic -- don't you?

You can cook, too right?

When would you like to meet my parents?

Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?

Have you seen ''Fatal Attraction''?

Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.

(In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

Sorry but I don't do toes!

You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''.

So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!

My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

Is this a sin too?

I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

Long kisses clog my sinuses...

Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

How long do you plan to be ''almost there''?

You mean you're NOT my blind date?


CF Freestyle GrandMaster
Jun 26, 2002
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Nope....If you remember I said it one day and you had said that is was yours But obviously It's not just yours :D :blah It's Mine! :)


CF Freestyle GrandMaster
Jun 26, 2002
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:yeey THANK YOU :yeey

even though I never use it, someone got me saying it all day today :)


CF Freestyle GrandMaster
Jun 26, 2002
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A Real Ball Buster

I'm cleaning out my mail so HERE!!!!!! enjoy...

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”