™FR3ESTYLEKING'S OFFICIAL JOKEBOOK

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King's Resolutionz ¤

New Years Resolutions

1. Gain weight.
(At least 30 pounds)

2. Stop exercising.
(Waste of time)

3. Read less.
(Makes you think)

4. Watch more TV.
(You've been missing some good stuff)

5. Procrastinate more.
(Starting tomorrow)

6. Stop bringing lunch from home.
(Eat out more)

7. Get in a whole NEW rut!

8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace.

9. Don't eat cloned meat.

10. Create loose ends.

11. Get more toys.

12. Get further in debt.

13. Don't believe politicians.

14. Break at least one traffic law.

15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.

17. Associate with even worse business clients.

18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.

19. Wait around for opportunity.

20. Focus on the faults of others.

21. Mope about faults.

22. Never make New Year's resolutions again.

:lol
 
Recipe 4 Love (Classik Joke)

[Banana Love Cake]

Ingredients:
2 whole nuts
1 large banana
2 strong arms
2 well shaped legs
1 fur lined mixing bowl
4 loving eyes.

Mixing instructions:
Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze milk jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top with nuts. Move in and out until cake is well creamed. Sigh with relief, let cool. Do not lick the bowl. If cake starts to rise, get out of town FAST!
 
Stupid Doctor

Do you know what I'm doing?

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."
 
Twin Objects Of Dezire

One day, a man noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts.

He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me," the man stammered, "But I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."

"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.

"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts." The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor man when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments.

Finally, they return, and ask the man to step inside. "Okay," the husband says gruffly, "For ten thousand dollars, you can kiss my wife's tits."

At this, the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. The man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.

"I can't," replies the man, still nuzzling away.

"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.

"I don't have ten thousand dollars!"

:lol
 
Ewwwwwwwww

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"

"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"

The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."

"That's right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."

"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
 
Oreos

WHY THEY ARE BETTER THAN MEN 😛

1.) They don't scream if you twist them too hard.

2.) They don't get drunk and throw up in your bed.

3.) You don't choke swallowing one, and you look forward to eating one

4.) When you eat one there are no friends slapping against your chin

5.) Rather have chocolate in your teeth than hair.

6.) Don't have to worry about the last person who ate one.

7.) It's always fun to swallow.

8.) They leave crumbles instead of a wet spot.

9.) When it makes a mess in your bed, it's easy to clean.

10.) The creamy white stuff tastes good

:lol
 
How Gross, but How Funny

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a beer with them. Dave replied, "No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late."

Dave's friend said, "When you get home, just go slide beneath the
sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex."

So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes
home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After awhile, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there. When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. "How did you get here?" he asked.

"Shhhh," she replied. "You'll wake mother."

:lol
 
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