A girl and her mother are riding into town one winter day, to get the
heater in the car fixed. The daughter says, 'Mom, my hands are cold."
Her mother replies, "Put them between your legs and they will warm up." So she does and they warm up.
The next day the girl is riding into town with Little Johnny and he says "Boy, my hands are cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs and they will get warm." He does. A few minutes later he complains that his nose is cold so she tells him to put it between her legs, then his toes and so on.
The next day the mother and daughter are talking and the daughter asks, 'Mom, what's a penis?' Her mother asks "Why do you ask dear?"
The daughter replies, "I just want you to tell me why they are such a
mess to clean up when they thaw out!!"
Put your children to bed before reading this :lol LMAO
Three men are on a road trip when they pull over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go in and see the lady who apparently runs the joint and they ask her for a vacant room. She replied, "Sure, but only if you DON'T go into the basement!"
The men agree and she gives them a room. That night, the men are so
curious that they sneak into the basement...only to find that it's full of chopped off Penis'!! The woman that runs the places sees them and says, "Okay, now I'm going to have to add you all to my collection."
She asks the first man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?" and he says "Well, my dad is in the lawn mowing business." So the woman finds a lawnmower and off goes his penis.
The woman asks the second man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?" and he replies in tears "My dad is in the tool supply industry." So she finds a saw and off does his penis.
The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that he is laughing
hysterically! "Why the hell are you laughing?!? Don't you know what's
going to happen to you!?!"
He smiles and says, "Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business--you're
gonna hafta suck mine off!"
There is a pond, and above this pond there is a fly. Underneath the
water there is a fish who sees the fly and says to himself: "you
know...if that fly lands on that water, I'm gonna get me that fly"
Standing on the shore of the pond is a bear who says to himself: "you
know...if that fly lands on the water and that fish jumps out and gets that fly...I'm gonna get me that fish."
Standing off behind a tree is a hunter who sees the bear and thinks to himself: "you know...if that fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets that fish...I'm gonna shoot me that bear."
Hanging out of the hunter's back pocket is a half of a sandwich.
Standing behind the hunter is a mouse who says to himself: "you
know...if that fly lands on that water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish and that hunter shoots that bear...the sandwich might fall out of his pocket and I'll get me that sandwich."
Standing off behind the mouse is a cat who says to himself: "you
know...if that fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish and the hunter shoots the bear and the sandwich falls out of the hunter's pocket and the mouse gets the sandwich...I'm gonna get me that mouse."
Well sure enough the fly lands on the water and the fish gets the fly
and the bear gets the fish and hunter shoots the bear and the sandwich falls out of the hunter’s pocket and the mouse gets the sandwich and the cat lunges for the mouse but misses(!) and rolls down the hill and lands in the lake.
MORAL OF THE STORY...
A LOTTA SHIT HAS TO HAPPEN FOR A PU$$Y TO GET