™FR3ESTYLEKING'S OFFICIAL JOKEBOOK

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Speed Trap.....

It's not all that but I Laughed 😉

______________________
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.

The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."
 
Computer Technology from a mans Point of view

Sent in by.. ????

INTERNET woman:
Woman of difficult access.

SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.

WINDOWS woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.

ADSL woman:
Goes both ways, but often goes down quicker, deeper, and more
enthusiastically than she throws up. Added bonus is that more than one person can use her at the same time. Keeps talking while you fill her up with hard data.

EXCEL woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

RUSSIAN WEB PAGE woman:
Exciting and forbidden to visit, giving thrills and excitement, but
often leaving you wishing you had never been near her. All sorts of
viruses and irritations pop up later.

GEO-CITIES woman:
Run of the mill, boring phuck who talks incessantly about bullshit and makes you want to punch her lights out.

HOTMAIL woman:
Cheap and easy, but lacking in mystery. Plus whenever you want to give her something really memorable, her tiny phucking box can't handle what you want to shove into it.

YAHOO woman:
Promises the world, takes you for a ride then takes home without
putting out. Then phones you to say how great the night was, and how she saved you from yourself, and future regrets by leaving before you could have her. Then she asks you out again tomorrow night with a husky sexy voice, and promises you that it will be 'special'. (At that point she borrows $100 from you). You show up with a hard-on. She shows up in a prim Victorian dress, a chaperone, and takes you to a charity ball at the spastic center. Sponsored by McDonalds, Visa, First bank, Weight Loss program, evidence eliminator, and schoolfriends.com. You end up donating $26,000 and still not getting laid. In the future you never ever do anything with her or for her again. Except using her for your own convenience, or spoofing over photos of her.

NETWORK woman:
Phucked if I can work her out, but for $120 per hour this guy I know can get her to do almost anything he wants.

PENTIUM woman:
You have the ultimate woman who you will spend the rest of your life
with. She is phucking amazing. You marry her immediately and convert to her religion. Next week you meet her sister. She leaves Pentium woman (1) for dead. You divorce the bitch and marry the sister, convert to the sister's religion, lose your friends, upgrade to new friends, new job, new house, new country, new religion. You are finally happy. . . . . . Then you meet her other sister.
<sigh> (to be continued)

SCREENSAVER woman:
She is not worth for anything, but at least she is fun!

RAM woman:
She forgets everything you say when you disconnect her.

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

IMAC woman:
Looks good but won't phucking do anything you want, and pisses off anyone who has anything to do with her.

MULTIMEDIA woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

LINUX woman:
If you are into the really hardcore ish that most people have never
heard of, you can do amazing things, but it's not really something you can talk about with friends or acquaintances.

USER woman:
She messes up everything she does and she asks always more than she
needs.

DIAL-UP woman:
Old fashioned and undesirable. Good for the people who don't mind taking it slow and waiting forever to get what you want.

REAL PLAYER woman:
Does her own thing, and puts out for nothing. When you decide to phuck her, she tries to steal your wallet.

ICQ woman:
Great to help you jerk off. Just make sure she's not a man first.

AMD woman:
Fast living and carefree with heaps of style and the ability to blow
away the competition. She is an attention seeker so she needs lots of
fans. When the fans dissipate she loses it and goes into meltdown
phucking up your life.

CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

USB woman:
Plug her and play. Plug her, and play. Plug her again, play some more.

VIRUS woman:
Also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall
her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
 
A Group Of Four Very Close Friends

There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson, and a carpenter that met everyday for breakfast at a low income diner. They were all married except the salesman. When he was married, he went on his honeymoon with his wife. The other three still met for breakfast when he was gone. An idea came up to play some practical jokes on the new married person.

"I'll make his bed slant so his bed will collapse when he is making love," said the carpenter.

"I'll hot wire his mattress so that he'll feel immence heat while making love," said the electrician.

"Those are good ideas," said the dentist. "But I am not going to tell you what I'm going to do.'

The next day the salesman comes into the diner. He says "I congratulate you guys for making my bed collapse, and I thank you for making my bed really hot, but I'm going to kill the bastard who put novocaine in the vaseline."
 
Fifty-Dollar Bet

A guy who worked in a pickle factory came home and handed his wife $50. She asks him where he got it, and he told her that he won it in a bet: the guys at the factory bet him $50 that he wouldn't stick his thing in the pickle slicer.

His wife was surprised and immediately went to work making sure his equipment was still intact. She saw that it was indeed all there, unharmed.

"But what about the pickle slicer?" asked the wife, perplexed.

"Oh, she liked it too," answered the husband.

😀
 
{Female Comebacks}

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
 
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