In Love/Maybe No Hope!

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LABELLANJ224

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Please Tell Me What You Think I Should Do!!

I Was With This Guy For 8 Months And Knew Him Four About 3 Years Before We Got Together. We Went Through A Lot Together Those 8 Months. He Broke Up With Me Because He Stated We Didnt Have Anything In Common. I Was So In Love With Him That Broke My Heart. I Found Out He Started Dating This Girl And I Was So Angry And So Hurt I Stopped Talking To Him For About Three Nonths Then He Called Me Out Of The Blue On Day And I Told Him How I Felt About What He Did And He Said He Was Sorry Of Course. He Called Me Everyday For Three Months And Asked To See Me Every Day Mind You He Was Still With That Girl And Moved In With Her. She Found Out He Was Callin Me And We Started To Argue And I Blew His Spot Up Bc He Was Tryin To Make Me Look Bad When He Was The One Callin Me Meanwhile Yes I Was Still In Love With Him. I Have Been Thinking About Him So Much And I Wanted To Speak With Him So My Girl Called His Job And Gave Him My New Number And Said Call Her. He Called Me And He Said He Is Still With His Girl But He Was Thinking About Me And Does Miss Me But He Loves Her. He Said He Wants To See Me But Not In Public Bc He Doesnt Want To Get Caught. That Hurt Me Bc I Want To Be Friends With Him I Didnt Want To See Him Bc Yes I Still Love Him So Much And It Hurts That He Is With Her. I Dont Think He Has My Number Bc He Cant Store It In His Phone And I Can Only Call Him At Work. Should I Call Him At Work And Make Sure He Has My Number? I Want To Keep In Touch And I Still Love Him So Much But He Isnt Going To Leave Her Any Time Soon. He Says He Loves Her But If He Wouldve Stayed With Me Maybe He Wouldve Been Better Off He Said I Will Alwys Be In His Heart And He Will Never Forget Me. I Still Love Him!! I Want Him Back!!. What Should I Do.
 
I hope you do not mind a HARSH REALITY CHECK.
First of all my attitude when it comes to men is..."Men are like buses, another one comes along every five minutes." This attitude has never proven me wrong. I have always had a boyfriend or fiance since I was 12 years old, so take my advice ( if you want to).
Move on! Why would you want someone who didn't want you? Why would you now want to be his secret 'girl on the side'? If he said you didn't have anything in common, why would you want to force this? It is SUPER important to have lots, lots, and lots in common with whomever you want to be with in this world.
You have to think alot of yourself, if you don't who else will? Love yourself enogh to accept only the best. If you play this game, with this guy, you will just be lowerring yourself.
Oh, and forget frienship. He is not your friend, and he wasn't before. A friend whether male or female would never try to hurt you, no matter what the circumstances.
I hope I am not being to harsh, in what I say. But everyone will always ask "how could he do this to me?", or "how could he treat me this way?" or my favorite "Why are guys like this?". The answer is simple, because someone allows them to be... it is that simple. If you won't stand for being treated in any manner that isn't up to your standards, no one will ever be able to treat you bad. Trust me, this goes not only for relationships, but also for friendships, and also in the workplace. More than one of my boyfriends has said to me at the end of a relationship "you think way to much of yourself", and they were right. That is why the relationship ended, because I thought to highly of myself to be treated poorly by anyone. If my parents could always treat me with respect, why shouldn't everyone else. You have to think alot of yourself, in this crazy world.
Good luck in your situation.
Feel free to pm me or email me anytime, I will always be happy to chat


:wave
 
Amen Gabrielle! Couldn't have said it better myself!
 
DEAR LABELLANJ224
YOUR CRAZY IF YOU LISTEN TO GABBI BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE GOT ISSUES. I THINK YOU SHOULD FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND KEEP DOING WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT. IN THE LONG RUN YOU MIGHT END UP WITH THE PERSON YOU WANT AND MABEY YOU WONT BUT AT LEAST YOU GAVE IT YOUR ALL. THATS WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ALL ABOUT, ITS UNCONDITIONAL. DONT LISTEN TO SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET. DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT FOR YOU. EVERYONE ON HERE ACTS LIKE THEY ARE SOME SORT OF CERTAFIED COUNSOLER. IT MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD TO READ ALL THESE "DEAR ABBY" STORIES. MOST OF THE WOMEN ON HERE HAVE SOME KIND OF PREJUDICE AGAINST MEN. HAHAHA. SOME OF THE MEN TOO.HAHA. SO I GUESS HE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT TO YOU IF YOU DONT WANT TO LET HIM GO. "MY JIMMY RUNS DEEP ,SO DEEP ,SO DEEP I PUT THAT ASS TO SLEEP". ICE CUBE. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BAAAAAABBBBYYYYYYYYY!
 
OdilioMunoz said:
DEAR LABELLANJ224
YOUR CRAZY IF YOU LISTEN TO GABBI BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE GOT ISSUES. I THINK YOU SHOULD FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND KEEP DOING WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT. IN THE LONG RUN YOU MIGHT END UP WITH THE PERSON YOU WANT AND MABEY YOU WONT BUT AT LEAST YOU GAVE IT YOUR ALL. THATS WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ALL ABOUT, ITS UNCONDITIONAL. DONT LISTEN TO SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET. DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT FOR YOU. EVERYONE ON HERE ACTS LIKE THEY ARE SOME SORT OF CERTAFIED COUNSOLER. IT MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD TO READ ALL THESE "DEAR ABBY" STORIES. MOST OF THE WOMEN ON HERE HAVE SOME KIND OF PREJUDICE AGAINST MEN. HAHAHA. SOME OF THE MEN TOO.HAHA. SO I GUESS HE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT TO YOU IF YOU DONT WANT TO LET HIM GO. "MY JIMMY RUNS DEEP ,SO DEEP ,SO DEEP I PUT THAT ASS TO SLEEP". ICE CUBE. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BAAAAAABBBBYYYYYYYYY!
Click to expand...
Yes you have it down, we all have "issues".
All I know is that at the end of the day, men like women who they can respect. No one respects someone who doesn't stand up for themself.
It's great you tell someone to keep chasing after some guy, but you don't know what your talking about either.
Oh, and as far as certified counselor; I happen to hold a degree in psychology; but I guess thats why we all would make big bucks forever, because women keep chasing then wonder why the guy does not respond.
There is a good book to read titled; "Why men love bitches", before everyone bends out of shape the title is not literal. It simply means men are attracted to confident women, who will not accept poor behavior.
Love being unconditional, yes when it comes to your children. But should everyone be treated like crap by their partner, and think that it is true love. That is very antiquated thinking...just keep loving him, no matter what he does; someday it will all work out. No it will not, he will just tire of it, or keep using you like a servant.
Now to finish with some old world philosophy,"No matter how much you love a man, make sure he loves you just a little more".
Oh, and to give a little first hand case study...41 year old single woman, keeps chasing after men she just loves so much, it has to just work out one day. But she has a miserable track record, and two breakdowns to show for it. As she states, "I always choose the ones that leave", not taking any culpability for her actions. She just thinks it is the 'type of man she chooses', rather than her actions within her relationships.
What she does not realize, is that we set the tone of our relationships, by how we value ourselves.
Good luck Labellan
and good luck to you also Odilio
 
Blah, Blah, Blah

Gabbi, Gabbi, Gabbi.....

Dont You Know You Cant Put Any Limits On Love. So What The Guy She Likes Has A Girlfriend, Now. In A Year From Now They May End Up Together In Love With A Kid? You Know You Cant Put Any Limits On Love. Let Her Chase The Person She Loves. Its Human Nature. You Dont Learn That In A Book. " Degrees, Me No Need No Stinking Degrees" Aahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I have to agree with Gabbi a lot of the things she said are true. You say you still love this man seeing him is only going to further hurt you you need time if things with this man are meant to be then let time dictate when. he left you and hurt you and in return your sitting there waiting for him to leave this woman you may not say it out loud but when yuo love someone the way you seem to love this man it is what yor doing it is why you want to see him because you have that hope still alive inside of you. girl I kwo from experience things dont always come when we want them to they dont always happen the way we want them to and often there is more pain involved then anything else. I woudl say keep yuor distance and hell that is hard to do specially when you love someone shit is always easier said then done, but from what I hear of you hear and on your page on MG you seem strong and very bright and you yourself told me to watch out for people who will try and take advantage that you ahev learned that this is part of that mama. Love yourself its taken me some time to do so with myself. Dont chase after this man let him come after you if shit is real and if he trulyholds a place in his heart for you then let him find you dont put yourself out there to end up having run ins with his girl o having to be subjected to having to see him behind closed doors. I learned the hard way love is soething you should have no shame in sharing it should be yelled out as loud as possible. keep ya head up in the end only you can decide whats best for you we can only offer opinions and advice. Cuidate mama.
 
Gabbi, you are right...

Labella... you want him back because it's a challenge ma. You say you love him but it sounds like you love him more then yourself and I don't believe that's true.. I think you want him back to be one up on the other woman and the truth is he has already made it clear he doesn't want to mess that up, so why bother with him? If and when he comes correct to you where you don't have to hide or sneak around, THEN he's coming with something you can work with, but why partake of the bottom half of a man when you can have a whole one all to yourself? Give him what he wants and he's gonna take it.. but is it what you want? Something you should think about...
 
she allready knows everything that everyone is telling her, right mama. but i bet she didnt expect for someone to tell her to go for it. and i bet if you go at him with all your heart and dont stop and show him how much you love him, he will notice and you will get what you want. labellanj, you have to ignore all these women that are saying to forget about the guy. do everything you can to show this guy attention, make him feel like a king, show him how much you truely love him, than when he least expects it, dont bother with him at all. stop calling, ignore him for atleast 4-5 days and he will go crazy. he will be dying for your attention. he will even start fights with his girlfriend for no reason and eventually he will begin to resent her and long for the attention and affection of someone who really loves him unconditionally, YOU. yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh bbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbby!!!
 
OdilioMunoz said:
she allready knows everything that everyone is telling her, right mama. but i bet she didnt expect for someone to tell her to go for it. and i bet if you go at him with all your heart and dont stop and show him how much you love him, he will notice and you will get what you want. labellanj, you have to ignore all these women that are saying to forget about the guy. do everything you can to show this guy attention, make him feel like a king, show him how much you truely love him, than when he least expects it, dont bother with him at all. stop calling, ignore him for atleast 4-5 days and he will go crazy. he will be dying for your attention. he will even start fights with his girlfriend for no reason and eventually he will begin to resent her and long for the attention and affection of someone who really loves him unconditionally, YOU. yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh bbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbby!!!
Click to expand...
So how do you know this mans girlfriend does not love him also? So he may go back to Labellan, and break his girlfriends heart. Then when he becomes restless he may look around again, and eventually break Labellans heart again. If things are so much work at the begining of a relationship (within the first year) when it is supposed to be the fun together time of it all, what will it be like after? It is very easy for you to give advice, because it is not your situation. Other people here have been in a situation similiar to Labellans, that is why we offer advice, because we have lived it also.
 
gabbi, you will not let me win for nothing will you. i feel like im fighting for labellanj's soul to bring her to the dark side and you are fighting for her soul to bring her to the light but the only thing is, she really has to make the decision for herself. i know you women feel like you have to protect each other and yes some of you have gone through the same situation that she is in right now but what doe'st work for you don't mean it wont work for her. i just want labellanj to know that what i mean by all the stuff i typed is " love is worth fighting for" i dont have a degree and im not trying to set her up for failure and mabey im just plain and simply wrong but i still believe in love. and ill fight for it if i had to. people are different, thats what makes the world go round, kum bi yaaa my lord, kum bi yaaaaaaaaaa
 
OdilioMunoz said:
gabbi, you will not let me win for nothing will you. i feel like im fighting for labellanj's soul to bring her to the dark side and you are fighting for her soul to bring her to the light but the only thing is, she really has to make the decision for herself. i know you women feel like you have to protect each other and yes some of you have gone through the same situation that she is in right now but what doe'st work for you don't mean it wont work for her. i just want labellanj to know that what i mean by all the stuff i typed is " love is worth fighting for" i dont have a degree and im not trying to set her up for failure and mabey im just plain and simply wrong but i still believe in love. and ill fight for it if i had to. people are different, thats what makes the world go round, kum bi yaaa my lord, kum bi yaaaaaaaaaa
Click to expand...
Odilio, I was only trying to say that, love is something that should not be trifled with. It is a french saying "On ne badine pas avec l'amour", one does not trifle with love, and sometimes I see people men and women treat it as a game. You should never have to give up who or what you are for love to happen, love should just happen naturally. That was all I was trying to tell her, just respect yourself and love yourself . Doesn't matter if your a man or woman, I've seen this type of situation go both way, and we all tend to respect partners who respect themselves.
So at the end of it we both gave her some (hopefully) helpful advice, and she will come out of this with her head held high and feeling good about herself, whatever she decides to do.
So let us hope for the best for her. :sflower
 
blah, blah, blah, blah, blahhhhhh...
sike, just kidding. i was just trying to help her out with a actual solution she could try. not justs words of wisdom, by the way, do you also write the stuff for fortune cookies? dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, just kidding , you win. lots of love
 
Thank you all for responding...

I spoke to him today and when he heard my voice he stopped and said, "My heart skips a beat everytime I hear your voice" I hate when he says things like that because it makes me wonder. Well Sunday he never called me but he did state he would like to go out Wednesday but wants me to make the plans. He also said Hey I know you were waiting for me to call werent you.. I was like WHAT hell no I wasnt you think my life revolves around you I was busy with other things I didnt even have you on my mind. I said that because I was so angry that he thought I was waiting around for him. I do love him but he wants to have his cake and eat it to and he basically told me he loves talking to me and he wants to see me all the time but he cant be emotionally involved. Although I love him I am not going to let him take advantage I am not going to continue fighting to get him back because I should not have too. I do really love him but since he is still with her he doesnt feel the same for me but I wish he did. My problem is he confuses the hell out of me why would he tell me he loves her but still try to see me and still tell me things like his heart skips a beat and other things that he says.
 
Gabbi (aka) Gabriell said:
I hope you do not mind a HARSH REALITY CHECK.
First of all my attitude when it comes to men is..."Men are like buses, another one comes along every five minutes." This attitude has never proven me wrong. I have always had a boyfriend or fiance since I was 12 years old, so take my advice ( if you want to).
Move on! Why would you want someone who didn't want you? Why would you now want to be his secret 'girl on the side'? If he said you didn't have anything in common, why would you want to force this? It is SUPER important to have lots, lots, and lots in common with whomever you want to be with in this world.
You have to think alot of yourself, if you don't who else will? Love yourself enogh to accept only the best. If you play this game, with this guy, you will just be lowerring yourself.
Oh, and forget frienship. He is not your friend, and he wasn't before. A friend whether male or female would never try to hurt you, no matter what the circumstances.
I hope I am not being to harsh, in what I say. But everyone will always ask "how could he do this to me?", or "how could he treat me this way?" or my favorite "Why are guys like this?". The answer is simple, because someone allows them to be... it is that simple. If you won't stand for being treated in any manner that isn't up to your standards, no one will ever be able to treat you bad. Trust me, this goes not only for relationships, but also for friendships, and also in the workplace. More than one of my boyfriends has said to me at the end of a relationship "you think way to much of yourself", and they were right. That is why the relationship ended, because I thought to highly of myself to be treated poorly by anyone. If my parents could always treat me with respect, why shouldn't everyone else. You have to think alot of yourself, in this crazy world.
Good luck in your situation.
Feel free to pm me or email me anytime, I will always be happy to chat


:wave
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it so much because I know everything you said is true but its really hard because I love him and I have this guy tell me all the time to PLEASE pass by so he could see me and its tempting and so hard to say no but most times I do say NO. I thought that I was doing right by fighting for the love that I have for him but honestly guys its been one year and its gotten me nowhere. There is really nothing else I can do. I treated this guy like ROYALTY when we dated and even after I guess that was my mistake and I have learned that but I am trying to deal with this and understand that its been over and its his loss!! I tried and thats all I can do now I have to move on. He made a comment the other day about maybe givin us a shot when him and his girl breakup.. I was like what are you kidding me you expect me to wait for you OH NO honey I cant do that. I do love him but if he is not willing to take that love appreciate it and love me in return then I am DONE! Its his loss. He knows I love him and he just says why why do you love me so much why do you want to be with me. He calls himself a loser and says he coluldnt offer anything. He said he memorized my number but he hardly calls he always tells me to call him. I really wanted to see him I miss him so much but he made a comment to me today about driving with me he was like I really cant be driving around a lot so we have to go somewhere fast. Im like NOPE nevermind. He knows I love him but I really wish he understood. It sucks but cant do anything about it!! I do have the book Why do men love bitches. I havent gotten very far because I have been busy with schoolwork but just from what I did read I am the nice girl. I was reading the comparisons and for the nice girl I was like Ay Dios I did everything the nice girl would do plus more and that was a huge mistake. I was tooo nice and gave him everything. (I really just want to work out a friendship with him thats all) Thanks for your advice I really appreciate it!!
 
Heartbrake said:
Gabbi, you are right...

Labella... you want him back because it's a challenge ma. You say you love him but it sounds like you love him more then yourself and I don't believe that's true.. I think you want him back to be one up on the other woman and the truth is he has already made it clear he doesn't want to mess that up, so why bother with him? If and when he comes correct to you where you don't have to hide or sneak around, THEN he's coming with something you can work with, but why partake of the bottom half of a man when you can have a whole one all to yourself? Give him what he wants and he's gonna take it.. but is it what you want? Something you should think about...
Click to expand...

Hey honey, you know what I did put him before myself several times and I will not do that again. When I was with him he was going through so much he was very depressed and not taking care of himself at all and I tried to do all I could to try to help him and be there for him because he was so stressed but he didnt appreciate the things I did for him. He did make it clear that he doesnt want to mess things up with that girl but Why is he tellin me the things he says and he has always said since the time we broke up I will never forget you you are special you he misses me most times and would love to see me and loves talking to me. I dont want to just be messin around with him because I love him and that will mess me up I dont want to go through that again I mean at the end he wouldnt care because he has someone. I think he wants me to wait around until maybe one day they break up(they live together) so that he could run to me. I am not going to wait around. (he was like but then if me and my girl break up in like a year or so you would have a man and you wouldnt want me) :bangbang
 
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