™FR3ESTYLEKING'S OFFICIAL JOKEBOOK

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Dear Mr. King:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.
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Dear Mr. King:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
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Dear Mr. King:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
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Dear Mr. King:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
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Dear Mr. King:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep
never giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to
cook him a nice meal.
 
And the survey says:

<The Top 15 Porno Movies of All Time>

1.) CasaSpanka

2.) High Nooner

3.) Silence of the Lambskin

4.) It Happened One Night, Then Twice The Next Morning, and Four More
Times Before Lunch

5.) Six Ways, Seven Times

6.) Guess Who's Coming After Dinner?

7.) Ohfello

8.) Bang the Bum Slowly

9.) On Golden Blonde

10.) Itty Bitty Gang Bang

11.) Bend-Her

12.) Good Will Humping

13.) Rear Widow

14.) Urethral Weapon

15.) As Wood As It Gets
 
Poor Johnny

As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country. It was with particular urgency that Little Johnny dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Little Johnny into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Little Johnny was far more interested in the hobby horse. As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Little Johnny vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time to get off. Little Johnny ignored her. She began to beg; Little Johnny paid no attention. She began to make promises of sugarplums, etc., if only Little Johnny would get off the hobby horse. He stuck his nasty little tongue out at her. Then Santa himself, who had been watching this little family drama out
of the corner of his eye, stepped over and said to Little Johnny's
mother, "Perhaps I can persuade your son to cooperate." "I doubt that," said the mother, "but you're welcome to try." Santa, with a big smile, whispered quietly into Little Johnny's ear. Little Johnny's eyes grew very large, he quickly slid off the horse and took his mother's hand. Together, with no fuss, they left the store. As they drove home, Mama asked Little Johnny what Santa had whispered to him. Little Johnny was silent. Mama began offering bribes (toys and German Chocolate cake) if Little Johnny would only tell Mama what Santa's words were. Little Johnny turned pale and wouldn't utter a word. What had Santa said? Little Johnny's mother was determined to find out. She had never been able to get the kid to obey that easily, and decided it was worth a great deal of effort on her part to discover what magic Santa Claus had used on Little Johnny. She continued to bribe him with a soft voice and much cajolery and Little Johnny's stubborn streak finally faded. What did Santa say? Little Johnny now answered, "He said, 'Listen, you little son of a bitch, if you don't climb your ass the hell down off that horse right this second, I'm going to beat the phuck out of you!"
 
HeHeHeHe

After the annual office Christmas party blowout, John woke up with a
pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the
events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he was
able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Mary," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the President of the company to his face."

"He's an a*****e - piss on him!"

"You did," Mary informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, phuck him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
 
Re: And the survey says:

FR3ESTYLEKING said:
4.) It Happened One Night, Then Twice The Next Morning, and Four More Times Before Lunch
Click to expand...


ROFLMAO!!!!!!! One should be so lucky! :angel
 
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