Well as some of you's all know..... that i got divorced. then i had asked you guys and gals if it was to early to start seeing someone....well i'm sort of seeing someone already..but i just don't know how to tell my ex hubby that exactly... well in one arguement we had recently i tried to but he was all fired up yelling at me and breathing all hard on the phone like he was gonna kill me or something...LOL.... but so then i figured oooookkkkaaayyy maybe it's just not the right time? but this new kick wants my time so it's maybe getting a little obvious to the babby daddy that i'm being a little tied up with something i just don't know how to break it down to him? can anybody give me some words of advice please. like how i should break it down to him? ? ? ? ? sorry to bug you guys about this again i just don't want to blurt it out all bogus and shit ya know???? Please Holla?
crazygirl
Active member
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2001
- Messages
- 8,752
- Reaction score
- 4
- Points
- 38
- Location
- Caught between heaven and hell
your divorced you can see who ever you want to when ever you want 2
the point of the divorceis cuz you don't want to be with that person.. for what ever reason..
but it don't mean you can't restart your life...
just let him know .. you met a person you like and want to get to know them better by spending you time with him.. thats is..
i even think there is no need 2 tell him.. it's your life.. you dowhat you have to do....
i'm sure if it was the other way around.. he would not think twice about what you thought..
the point of the divorceis cuz you don't want to be with that person.. for what ever reason..
but it don't mean you can't restart your life...
just let him know .. you met a person you like and want to get to know them better by spending you time with him.. thats is..
i even think there is no need 2 tell him.. it's your life.. you dowhat you have to do....
i'm sure if it was the other way around.. he would not think twice about what you thought..
sietzsounds
New member
maybe it's me but I'm not following why it's any of his business if ur divorced......... :confused
sietzsounds
New member
ok I'm trying to pretend I'm divorced so I can attempt to give an honest answer.... I'm thinking that I would not really care what she did once we're separated, I probably wouldn't want to know her business, so I wouldn't want her to tell me anything.... 🙂 hope that helps.... 🙂Adriana said:
sietzsounds
New member
sorry I can't relate to that... I been with wifey for almost 18 years (married for 11 years) we're never getting divorced, but if god forbid we ever did I'd try to make it as smooth as possible for everybody involved.... so I guess go for whatever u think u need to tell him.... and be safe... 🙂Adriana said:
sietzsounds
New member
have a good nite... 🙂Adriana said:
Naturalstyle
New member
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2002
- Messages
- 386
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
- Location
- NY/NJ/Philadelphia/Atlantic City
The man needs to know that he doesn't own you or control you anymore. By the simple fact that you're stressing about how to tell him kinda betrays that he STILL has some kind of hold over you.
Thats OK, just know that you owe him NOTHING.
My wife and I are separated (not even legally divorced) and she called me one day to tell me what I had already suspected, that she was dating again. I was heartbroken BUT I had been dating too, so I said "Wish you the best" and left it at that.
If he's all yelling and you're afraid of him it's because he was probably an immature, domineering person that thinks that the only way to keep someone is through intimidation.
(There's nothing more annoying that a jealous idiot that thinks that yelling, keeping your woman in line, and pounding your chest is what makes you a man!)
Personally, I NEVER want a woman to stay with me out of fear. The door's always open and if my girl's with me, it's because she WANTS to. Not because she's afraid of how I might react when she tell me she loves someone else.
Don't let him control you anymore.
Please forgive me if I stepped out of line, it's only an opinion.
Peace
Thats OK, just know that you owe him NOTHING.
My wife and I are separated (not even legally divorced) and she called me one day to tell me what I had already suspected, that she was dating again. I was heartbroken BUT I had been dating too, so I said "Wish you the best" and left it at that.
If he's all yelling and you're afraid of him it's because he was probably an immature, domineering person that thinks that the only way to keep someone is through intimidation.
(There's nothing more annoying that a jealous idiot that thinks that yelling, keeping your woman in line, and pounding your chest is what makes you a man!)
Personally, I NEVER want a woman to stay with me out of fear. The door's always open and if my girl's with me, it's because she WANTS to. Not because she's afraid of how I might react when she tell me she loves someone else.
Don't let him control you anymore.
Please forgive me if I stepped out of line, it's only an opinion.
Peace
Naturalstyle said:
well really dear god you didn't it makes a lot of sense to me ya know. that is exactly how he is and how he's acted towrards me. so well i told him already and you know of course he wasn't to happy about it he started asking me all theese questions about him and i was like those are things you need not to know. well he's still beging me to give him one more chance but i'm so tired of that you know. well thanks for awnsering me. i really appreciate it. and what you said i'll take it into consideration thank you again NATURALSTYLE..... I WON'T LET HIM CONTROL ME NO MORE.....i'm happy with who i'm with now ... but nooo more control.....:nono
Naturalstyle
New member
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2002
- Messages
- 386
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
- Location
- NY/NJ/Philadelphia/Atlantic City
Well, I'm glad my words made sense to you.
Everything happens for a reason, so maybe your reason for being -w- your ex was so that you could learn to appreciate yourself, your individuality, etc.
Now you know what you DON'T want in a lover, so you're smarter than you were before.
Best of Luck.
Hi
Everything happens for a reason, so maybe your reason for being -w- your ex was so that you could learn to appreciate yourself, your individuality, etc.
Now you know what you DON'T want in a lover, so you're smarter than you were before.
Best of Luck.
Hi
Gabbi (aka) Gabriell
New member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2003
- Messages
- 532
- Reaction score
- 8
- Points
- 0
I agree with what everyone already said, but I will repeat one thing...you are divorced you do not have to explain anything to him. I have been in that position, I know these things...he does not matter anymore, only in the context that he is the father of your child; talk about things of concern with the child, and only the child.
Oh, and as far as crazy Mexican men, my ex fiance Joaquin was all about that possesive act (and Mexicano); but he was no match for me (I am french, spanish, german, and russian ; I just won't play those games, and I can be pretty frightening when I am pissed), I showed him who was the strong one, and it does not come from intimidation, it comes from being more secure in yourself.
So next time you have to speak with your ex, do not act frightened, do not act like a little girl, and do not feel you have to explain your life or what you do with your time.
You are a grown woman, with a child, who has a right to enjoy life and find happiness. If he is that dangerous, go to the police , take out restraining orders, there is a lot you can do.
Good luck
Oh, and as far as crazy Mexican men, my ex fiance Joaquin was all about that possesive act (and Mexicano); but he was no match for me (I am french, spanish, german, and russian ; I just won't play those games, and I can be pretty frightening when I am pissed), I showed him who was the strong one, and it does not come from intimidation, it comes from being more secure in yourself.
So next time you have to speak with your ex, do not act frightened, do not act like a little girl, and do not feel you have to explain your life or what you do with your time.
You are a grown woman, with a child, who has a right to enjoy life and find happiness. If he is that dangerous, go to the police , take out restraining orders, there is a lot you can do.
Good luck
kxrider375
New member
Here you go from a male perspective, and a Mexican Male at that.
I am Mexican but not your average possessive hard headed one.
But anyway, It’s pretty obvious that he still cares for you a great deal and not necessarily because he’s the father of you child but because he would still like to get back with you. So if this is the case he is not going to be too happy about the news that you’ve found someone else. Now granted what a lot of the CF advise here is true and you have all the right in the world to start a new life with who ever you choose, but at this point the most important thing in your life should be you child, first and foremost. The well-being and positive upbringing of that child should be your sole purpose in life and in order to achieve that the child needs the love and the participation from both parents. Our happiness, as bad as it may sound, should come second. Now it sounds like you are perfectly fine with this new person but at the same time it will probably cause conflict with your baby’s father. Now that is not your fault and he is very immature for acting that way, but it is what it is. The important thing here is that somehow you two need to come to an understanding that the child comes first and it’s important that in the child’s eyes you two are civil to each other since the child loves you both regardless of how you feel about each other. Somehow you need to get him to understand that you have moved on and that he must do the same, but at the same time you need to remain in each others life for the sake of the child and he needs to be a loving father and a caring ex-husband.
My suggestion would be to get that ironed out first before telling him you found someone else. You can’t just force feed him this news because no one likes to hear that the love of his life is gone and by just telling him that way you’re just causing more CONFLICT between you two. Now, some guys will just never understand or accept something like this but you need to make an effort, for the child’s sake.
I am Mexican but not your average possessive hard headed one.
But anyway, It’s pretty obvious that he still cares for you a great deal and not necessarily because he’s the father of you child but because he would still like to get back with you. So if this is the case he is not going to be too happy about the news that you’ve found someone else. Now granted what a lot of the CF advise here is true and you have all the right in the world to start a new life with who ever you choose, but at this point the most important thing in your life should be you child, first and foremost. The well-being and positive upbringing of that child should be your sole purpose in life and in order to achieve that the child needs the love and the participation from both parents. Our happiness, as bad as it may sound, should come second. Now it sounds like you are perfectly fine with this new person but at the same time it will probably cause conflict with your baby’s father. Now that is not your fault and he is very immature for acting that way, but it is what it is. The important thing here is that somehow you two need to come to an understanding that the child comes first and it’s important that in the child’s eyes you two are civil to each other since the child loves you both regardless of how you feel about each other. Somehow you need to get him to understand that you have moved on and that he must do the same, but at the same time you need to remain in each others life for the sake of the child and he needs to be a loving father and a caring ex-husband.
My suggestion would be to get that ironed out first before telling him you found someone else. You can’t just force feed him this news because no one likes to hear that the love of his life is gone and by just telling him that way you’re just causing more CONFLICT between you two. Now, some guys will just never understand or accept something like this but you need to make an effort, for the child’s sake.