LaBettyBoop
New member
Updated Employee Handbook
>>Dress Code
>>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
>>salary. If we
>>see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag,
>>we
>>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
>>raise. If
>>you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
>>that
>>you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
>>If you
>>dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
>>you do
>>not need a raise.
>>
>>Sick Days
>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>If you
>>are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>Personal Days
>>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
>>called
>>Saturday &Sunday.
>>
>>Bereavement Leave
>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>>dead
>>friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to
>>have
>>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
>>employee
>>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
>>late
>>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
>>hour and
>>subsequently leave one hour early.
>>
>>Restroom Use
>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now
>>a
>>strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
>>minutes,
>>an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
>>door
>>will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,
>>your
>>picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the
>>"Chronic
>>Offenders" category.
>>
>>Lunch Break
>>Skinny people get 30 ! minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
>>so that
>>they can look h ealthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
>>to get a
>>balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
>>minutes
>>for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>>
>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>consternation, and
>>input should be directed elsewhere.
>>
>>Have a nice week!
>>The Management
>>Dress Code
>>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
>>salary. If we
>>see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag,
>>we
>>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
>>raise. If
>>you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
>>that
>>you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
>>If you
>>dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
>>you do
>>not need a raise.
>>
>>Sick Days
>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>If you
>>are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>Personal Days
>>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
>>called
>>Saturday &Sunday.
>>
>>Bereavement Leave
>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>>dead
>>friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to
>>have
>>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
>>employee
>>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
>>late
>>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
>>hour and
>>subsequently leave one hour early.
>>
>>Restroom Use
>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now
>>a
>>strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
>>minutes,
>>an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
>>door
>>will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,
>>your
>>picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the
>>"Chronic
>>Offenders" category.
>>
>>Lunch Break
>>Skinny people get 30 ! minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
>>so that
>>they can look h ealthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
>>to get a
>>balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
>>minutes
>>for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>>
>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>consternation, and
>>input should be directed elsewhere.
>>
>>Have a nice week!
>>The Management
