Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say...

[myonlysweetie]

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.

After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

 

[yburgos7]

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[BXCookie]

roflmaoooooooo!!! :lol

 

[susiedeoro1]

:lol

 

[Dianita]

Hahaha too funny!!!!!!! I always said that the card companies should mak crds more real..

 

[Kary]

:lol

 

[SuzyD]

Vero!!!!

here's the one I liked:

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

TOO FUNNY :splat