ChuckD
The Gay Lord of Freestyle
Thank you to my friends who sent me so many important e-mails in 2004.
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of you:
I have stopped drinking Coca-Cola, after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I have stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot, even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone, because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo, and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped consuming several foods, because you said the estrogen they contain may turn me gay. I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers, because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers, that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can, because you said that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody. You said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never seems to get any older.
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000.00 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird though, that my new free cell phone never arrived and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke, or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.
Have a great 2005!
PS: If you don't send this by e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you tomorrow at 3:00 PM!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of you:
I have stopped drinking Coca-Cola, after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I have stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot, even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone, because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo, and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped consuming several foods, because you said the estrogen they contain may turn me gay. I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers, because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers, that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can, because you said that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody. You said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never seems to get any older.
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000.00 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird though, that my new free cell phone never arrived and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke, or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.
Have a great 2005!
PS: If you don't send this by e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you tomorrow at 3:00 PM!
