Should I know who his friends are?

[Dianita]

Uh-oh, yep it's me again. Y'all gonna get so sick of me. I know my relationship with my boyfriend's got alot of problems, and to be realistic it's most likely going no where, but I like to know that I have done everything that I can. Okay, part of my dilemma...cel phone account is in my name, and I go over the bill all the time to make sure that there are no incorrect charges on the phones. I don't know most of the numbers that he calls, and last time I saw his phone lying around I got a little nosy and most of the unknown #s belong to women who I don't know, and he only calls when he's not home. Some of the names I recognized names from girls he talked to in the chats, and I noticed alot of charges for text messaging too. He knows that he can have his friends, even female friends, but it's the being secretive thing that has me uncomfortable. There have been little things that have happened before, but he always has a reasonable explaination for everything. But the thing is, there's always something. I worry maybe it's me. Maybe I'm projecting things that happened with my ex into this relationship. Could that be what I'm doing? Am I being too nosy? Is it just me or is it kind of off that he hides these things from me. At times I've even suspected that his trips upstate to visit his sister are more than just that. I've mentioned it to him and he said I'm just being paranoid.
Again, I apologize for all the griping about all my drama, if I'm getting annoying, just tell me to shut up, hehe.

 

[mzcrazybtch]

(siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh).....read the previous thread and it boggled my brain...now I'm reading this one and wondering if there's any connection....previous thread was about how when you first got your computer you guys made bets over who would get hit the most on some match site (right?) and now you're concerned about numbers that you don't recognize on your bill from his phone?

wow!! is this supposed to be an open relationship that you have? is there mutual respect between the both of you? how far are you gonna extend the leash on that dog and turn your head while he does what he wants? I believe in a (true) relationship there are certain boundaries that are never crossed. Yes, we should all be allowed to have friends yet in a committed relationship there should NEVER be any secrets.

 

[Adriana]

(siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh).....read the previous thread and it boggled my brain...now I'm reading this one and wondering if there's any connection....previous thread was about how when you first got your computer you guys made bets over who would get hit the most on some match site (right?) and now you're concerned about numbers that you don't recognize on your bill from his phone?

wow!! is this supposed to be an open relationship that you have? is there mutual respect between the both of you? how far are you gonna extend the leash on that dog and turn your head while he does what he wants? I believe in a (true) relationship there are certain boundaries that are never crossed. Yes, we should all be allowed to have friends yet in a committed relationship there should NEVER be any secrets.

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dude i totally agree w/mzcrazy*****. i mean to feel like that all the time...!!!! there is something vewwwwyyyy vewwwwy wooonngg here... i say drop him... and take back yo' phone... there should be a limit to girl friends ya know how would he like it if you were to be doing the same...????

 

[michelle28]

I have to agree with MCB......you need to step back and look at this "relationship" you are in. it doesn't sound very healthy to me. if there are secrets in this "relationship", you need to find out why. there should be none. sorry to say, but it sounds like you deserve better than what this guy is giving you. Good luck, sweetie! 😉

 

[Gabbi (aka) Gabriell]

Diana sweetheart, I am just going to quote one thing that someone once told me in a similiar situation I had, "If you have a gut feeling about something, you are probably right about it." If you feel any doubts about your relationship, you have to think long and hard about what is best for you. We always put so much into relationships, we should put just as much into ourselves as individuals.
Stay strong girl, if you need to talk pm me anytime.

 

[Dianita]

Okay, the thing with the match site though it was part bet, we were only supposed to be looking for friends. I hide nothing from him and expected the same from him. He denies having ever been with another girl, but doesn't confirm or deny having talked to other women on the phone, But now, I don't know if he's being secretive thingking I'd be too jealous or if there's a reason. But I told him that if he can't have trust and doesn't communicate with me, this relationship would be impossible.

 

[Gabbi (aka) Gabriell]

Okay, the thing with the match site though it was part bet, we were only supposed to be looking for friends. I hide nothing from him and expected the same from him. He denies having ever been with another girl, but doesn't confirm or deny having talked to other women on the phone, But now, I don't know if he's being secretive thingking I'd be too jealous or if there's a reason. But I told him that if he can't have trust and doesn't communicate with me, this relationship would be impossible.

Diana, you are trying to rationalize his actions, and are making excuses to yourself for why he acts the way he does. If a relationship needs this much 'spin' you have to think long and hard if it is right for you.
We all want to have a relationship so badly, that sometimes we make compromises.
Just from chating with you on the site here, you seem like a super sweet and loving person. That is what I wish for you to find in a partner, someone who is as special as you are. This guy just doesn't sound like he could be that.
I wish you all the best, and am here for you.
Trust me, we have all walked down the same path you are on right now.

 

[Enigma]

Just from chating with you on the site here, you seem like a super sweet and loving person.

Definately she is a darling. :hearton

But this guy sucks...sounds like he is tired and is making his life living smooth while making Dianita's life a living hell. 🙁

 

[mzcrazybtch]

oh damn, didn't mean to be so harsh but "no man is worth sacrificing your dignity for" ....so either you guys have alot of talking to do or someone needs their walking papers.