DJ Flash
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Hey Jack,I think you need to start a new forum here!The jokes are pretty good LMAO.
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Joke Of The Day!!!!hehehehe!!!!!
- Thread starter boriqua7
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An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning
to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid
that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget
to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.
So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help.
Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful
to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought
this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it.
You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband.
"A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top.
Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband.
"No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him.
The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise
inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream.
He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife,
he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs.
The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband
and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid
that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget
to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.
So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help.
Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful
to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought
this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it.
You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband.
"A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top.
Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband.
"No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him.
The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise
inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream.
He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife,
he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs.
The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband
and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
boriqua7
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Thanks for the "props" Patty!!!!!
I really appreciate it Blankita32(smile). Hey DOOS....the nuns joke almost made me piss in my pants.LOL!!!!HEHEHEHEHE!!!That was hilarious.(smile). I have to come back with another joke once I get home tonight. HEHEHE!!! Take care people and I'll be in touch. Peace!
Boriqua7😀
I really appreciate it Blankita32(smile). Hey DOOS....the nuns joke almost made me piss in my pants.LOL!!!!HEHEHEHEHE!!!That was hilarious.(smile). I have to come back with another joke once I get home tonight. HEHEHE!!! Take care people and I'll be in touch. Peace!
Boriqua7😀
Blankita32
New member
Hey boriqua, no problem! You guys are coming up with some great ones.
Hey doos, you are really on a roll. Loved the prostitute and grandma one....lolol. Boriqua, you better get a few to keep up with doos, cause this man is non stop now. I'll send ya somemore of the good ones I get at work and you can post them.
Jack, we need a "Joke Forum"......lol.
Take care guys and keep on making all your cf peeps smile!!!
Peace! Patty
Hey doos, you are really on a roll. Loved the prostitute and grandma one....lolol. Boriqua, you better get a few to keep up with doos, cause this man is non stop now. I'll send ya somemore of the good ones I get at work and you can post them.
Jack, we need a "Joke Forum"......lol.
Take care guys and keep on making all your cf peeps smile!!!
Peace! Patty
boriqua7
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Got another one!LOL!!Keep the jokes coming DOOS!!
First of all, I want to give a big shout-out to DOOS (keep posting those funny a** jokes)HEHE!!
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2pm on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left. Bill came home about 6pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Well, yes...he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. LOL!!HEHEHEHE!
First of all, I want to give a big shout-out to DOOS (keep posting those funny a** jokes)HEHE!!
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2pm on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left. Bill came home about 6pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Well, yes...he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. LOL!!HEHEHEHE!
Blankita32
New member
Heehee!!!! Good one boriqua!
😀
😀
Blankita32
New member
Heehee!!!
Ok, let me try this.......here goes....
A heart specialist doctor died and they're having his funeral. The coffin was placed in front of a huge heart. When the priest finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and then the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a Gynecologist."
heeheehee! Peace! 😀
Ok, let me try this.......here goes....
A heart specialist doctor died and they're having his funeral. The coffin was placed in front of a huge heart. When the priest finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and then the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a Gynecologist."
heeheehee! Peace! 😀
MIGHT BE LONG BUT FUNNY
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself,
" He is so sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice, and in the end she gave up the beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and
told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans
was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk,
she figuard that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted.
And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.
She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife,
the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her
and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable,
so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity,
shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud,
but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.then,
she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room,
she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom,
she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin,
placed it on her lap and folded her hand upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked,
and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold,
and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself,
" He is so sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice, and in the end she gave up the beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and
told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans
was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk,
she figuard that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted.
And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.
She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife,
the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her
and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable,
so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity,
shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud,
but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.then,
she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room,
she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom,
she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin,
placed it on her lap and folded her hand upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked,
and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold,
and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"
Blankita32
New member
LMAO!
😱
😱
Blankita32
New member
Sunday Sex
Here's a funny.........
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother's side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather's death, her grandmother explained, "He had a heart attach during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was surely asking for trouble.
"Oh, no," her grandmother replied, "We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells - in with the Dings and out with the Dongs." She paused and wiped away a tear.
"If it hadn't been for that damn ice cream truck going past, he'd still be alive."
😀
Peace! Patty
Here's a funny.........
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother's side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather's death, her grandmother explained, "He had a heart attach during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was surely asking for trouble.
"Oh, no," her grandmother replied, "We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells - in with the Dings and out with the Dongs." She paused and wiped away a tear.
"If it hadn't been for that damn ice cream truck going past, he'd still be alive."
😀
Peace! Patty
A woman goes into the doctors office and says "Dr. I have a
problem, I fart all the time but my farts are noiseless and they don't
smell...In fact, I have farted no less than twelve times since I arrived
here!"
The doctor wrote down a prescription and said, "Take these for a
week and then come back to see me."
A week later the woman goes back and storming into the office
complains, "Doctor, I think the pills made it worse, I keep farting all
the time and even though the farts are still noiseless the now smell
terrible!, what have you got to say for yourself?"
Doctor: " Good, we have taken care of your sinuses, now we can
move on to your hearing..."
problem, I fart all the time but my farts are noiseless and they don't
smell...In fact, I have farted no less than twelve times since I arrived
here!"
The doctor wrote down a prescription and said, "Take these for a
week and then come back to see me."
A week later the woman goes back and storming into the office
complains, "Doctor, I think the pills made it worse, I keep farting all
the time and even though the farts are still noiseless the now smell
terrible!, what have you got to say for yourself?"
Doctor: " Good, we have taken care of your sinuses, now we can
move on to your hearing..."
LMAO......
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding
where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man,
because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman.
But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly,
step by step, and painfully bold-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk.
The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride,
"What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator."
"Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years....
I thought he meant his money!!"
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding
where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man,
because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman.
But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly,
step by step, and painfully bold-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk.
The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride,
"What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator."
"Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years....
I thought he meant his money!!"
boriqua7
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I'MMMMMMMM BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!HEHEHE!!
What's going on CF Crew:
It's about time you dropped us a joke Patty.LOL!!HEHEHE!!
Keep em coming. Here's another one......
A 70 year old man goes to the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" And the man says, "Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him when he leaves. Is it true?"
And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
LOL!! HEHEHE!!! Peace!
Boriqua7😀
What's going on CF Crew:
It's about time you dropped us a joke Patty.LOL!!HEHEHE!!
Keep em coming. Here's another one......
A 70 year old man goes to the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" And the man says, "Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him when he leaves. Is it true?"
And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
LOL!! HEHEHE!!! Peace!
Boriqua7😀
KORUPTED
CF Freestyle Master
LOL...back to back kidd...That was good...Peace 😀
KORUPTED
CF Freestyle Master
LOL @ Doos too...Funny bro 🙂
boriqua7
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What's up Grapix!!!!!!!
What's up Bro!
I'm just trying to do my thing here in Philly....that's all.LOL!!HEHEHE!!! Did you get my E-mail?(smile). Peace out kid!
Boriqua7😀
What's up Bro!
I'm just trying to do my thing here in Philly....that's all.LOL!!HEHEHE!!! Did you get my E-mail?(smile). Peace out kid!
Boriqua7😀
Blankita32
New member
LOL....thanks a lot Jorge. I'm not that good with telling jokes, but it's a lot easier typing them down. You know, I'm just trying to keep up with you guys and make the peeps here smile. Oh, and I only need a few more posts before I'm a "Senior Freestyler".....woohoo!!!!!!!!!!
Well I'll be back with another soon. I'll talk to you babes later!
Mwaaaa!
Patty 😉
Well I'll be back with another soon. I'll talk to you babes later!
Mwaaaa!
Patty 😉
DJ Flash
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LMAO!!!! 😛
boriqua7
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I'm having JOKE withdrawl.LOL!!
First of all, I want to give a shout out to DJ Flash. Thanks for showing me luv on the "word association" game. Peace!
Heres another one.........
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come '11 all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!" The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore 'pee pee' and an a** full of quarters.LOL!HEHEHEHE!!!
Peace!
Boriqua7😀
First of all, I want to give a shout out to DJ Flash. Thanks for showing me luv on the "word association" game. Peace!
Heres another one.........
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come '11 all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!" The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore 'pee pee' and an a** full of quarters.LOL!HEHEHEHE!!!
Peace!
Boriqua7😀