I Need Advice

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Freestygal

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I was in love with this guy for a long time. He always seemed to be interested in me....went out of his way to see me, looked at me in "that way". Well, the bottom line is that I felln love with him. Then a couple of months ago he let me know that he was married. Even though I was supicious, I was so crazy about him that I just hoped it wasnt true. When the words came out of his mouth, I thought I would die. Because then I knew that there was no chance at all. Well, I still see him around and those feelings are still there. And sometimes it seems like old times and I forget that he is married. I know Im such a fool for feeling this way, but I am having such a hard time meeting someone lately. Im not desperate, but it seems like everywhere I go all I see are couples. And sometimes I think that meeting someone else will help me to get my mind off of him once and for all. Im sure you all know how it feels when there is chemistry beetween you and someone else...thats how I feel with this guy. And I wonder if I will ever have that chemistry again with someone else. I am so attracted to him...his looks, his smile.But I need someone that is truly free to love me and be with me. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to become stronger and have these feelings go away?

Thanks in advance for your help!
Randi (FreestyleGal)
 
I'm the right person to talk to. Sometimes you have to be patient when it comes to relationships and meeting someone. Hey I should know, i've been single for going on 7 years. Long drought, but now I'm starting to see what was wrong, and i'm doing things differently. I don't quite believe in love will find you, but it's best to take your time and really check things out. I've been in many situations when I liked someone and as I was to make a move and the person seemed interested they drop the bombshell that they were taken. So just keep trying, but move on a slow pace.


Mike😉
 
THAT WAS NICE ADVICE..I MUST SAY SO MYSELF...A MARRIED MAN TSK TSK TSK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A NASTY TRAP....WITH TIME AS LONG AS U STOP SEEING HIM THE FEELINGS WILL PASS...OCCUPY YOUR TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR HOBBIES AND GET OUT AND MEET OTHER PEOPLE...DECEPTIONS IS A CRUEL THING...BUT HOLDING THE TORCH FOR THE JERK IS NOT WORTH IT.
 
There's no reason to feel bad about having feelings, just as long as you don't act on them. It's going to be awhile before not feeling them(or at least less intensely) but it will happen. And I'm single as well and feel better off. granted there are those times when I wish I was part of a couple cause that's all I see, but then I realize that being single isn't so bad. Love is complicated and there are no easy answers. Honestly though I can say by posting and asking for advice that will actually help a lot. Even if you don't take the advice, by at least reading it does a lot for one mentally. When I was going through a hard time with guys I used to not say anything, even when my friends knew something was bothering me, and keeping it all in only made things worse and I was more miserable, upset then needed. You're not going to get over these feelings 1,2,3..the only thing you can do is let time heal all wounds. I know thats a corny saying, but it is true.


~Megan~
 
Thank you both so much for your help. I know I just need to have patience and not dwell on things so much. I wish I had known that he was married a lot sooner so I didnt develop such deep feelings for him. I know that it's not worth my time anymore...I just need to see that once and for all and not let him get to me. He was wrong to lead me on like that. I just have to get a lot stronger!!

Randi (FreestyleGal)
 
Dreamgirl...everything u said makes so much sense. The problem with me is that sometimes Im a glutton for punishment. At first I was so mad at him and hurt and now that some time has passed all I want to do is see him, even though I know he's married. It also doesnt help that he doesnt act like a married man. I know that in time I will get over him, I just dont know when that will happen. Sometimes I get really angry with myself for still allowing myself to cry over him. I guess I just have to keep singing that Cher song "Strong Enough"...lol Everyone says I should enjoy being single right now and sometimes I really do. And then other times I would love to be in a relationship. But timing is everything. And I know it's better to wait until I meet the right guy then to be in a bad relationship.

Thanks again for the great advice!

Randi (FreestyleGal)
 
Randi ~ I may give sound advice, but ask me if I listen to my own advice and 9 times out of 10 I don't. I even consider myself a glutton for punishment, because I've done things I'll later kick myself in the ass for. But over time I have gotten better. And also basically, the guy lied to you by not being honest with you from the beginning. So if he can't be honest now, then who knows what else he would lie about. Plus, he is not worth your time. And on a final note, don't think of it as your loss, its his.


~Megan~
 
Yeah you are right Megan. He always gave me a lot of attention and I loved it. Then in turn, I gave him a lot of attention and he ate that up. I dont know if he ever intended for the flirting to get so out of hand and maybe he though Id never like him as much as I did. So maybe that's why he finally decided to tell me he was married. But then a week later, he was right back to flirting again and he does so to this day. I guess he just really doesnt care. Im stupid for thinking that I will never be as attracted to anyone as much as I am to him, but there has to be a lot more to it than just attraction and chemistry...like true love, trust, and sincerity. I just need the right guy to come along and show me that all of that is possible. In the meantime, I just have to slowly get over this guy and hopefully I can do that. I spent a lot of my time in thinking about him and wanting to see him...I just have to learn to stop doing that.

Randi (FreestyleGal)
 
Hiya RaN :0)...how r ya girl!!? You dont sound too good...dont worry RaN everything in the end will work out great. You deserve a guy who will respect, love, and cherish & be honest with you. Obviously this guy hasnt done that. Im really sorry that this happened to you. Sometimes people are dishonest with themselves. Like maybe hes not happy with his marriage so he pretends hes single and it actually starts to become a reality in his mind. Im sure he knows how sweet you are and that you shower him with attention which he probably doesnt get with his wife. There is no excuse for his behavior...but you can kinda of see how he could end up havin feelings for another girl while hes married.

"what I can do to become stronger and have these feelings go away?" First of all make sure hes still married lol Get the courage, cuz i had a best guy friend who married young n wanted to get with me still n he was "separated" n later got a divorce. They only married for the baby.
Anyways another way to feel stronger is to confront him nicely in private without any flirtation!! Keep a distance...(physically) and actually tell him how hurt you feel...and how it wasnt fair. To me thats very strong to be able to express your pain to the person who caused it. It to me can take away some of the pain. I would also ask him...do you love me?...really love me? if yes then how can you see a future with me?...do you plan on gettin a divorce or something? Does your wife know that youre not faithful? Its like even if he would divorce the girl....would you really want him after that...knowin he could do the same unfair thing to you, you know.

Its not fair to you, not fair to his wife...she could be all faithful & take care of their baby and then this happens to her...he doesnt even give her the chance to find a guy who really loves her n he didnt give the chance to you either because he trapped you emotionally unfairly.

One thing that i can say...I know how it must feel when you would see other couples bein all "happy" (they probably arent happy lol) because ive been there. I was single for like two years after my man was "temporarily relocated" lol I was devastated...you know who i fell for be4 my man now....some1 unattainable too.

You deserve to find love but it really does happen when you least expect, but how can you find love be4 you heal...so my advice is i would talk to him & if he doesnt have plans with you in his future, (if he says hes divorced now ask for the papers!) then dont see him for awhile until you heal.

While youre healin i suggest a self help book those help me...how bout try "If love is a game, then these are the rules" Im listenin to that now even though im in a relationship. love is so complicated i swear. And do activities like excercise, join a gym, hang with your friends, find a more rewarding job particualrily one with hot guys lol make sure you hang out with the peeps at work a lil , volunteer at an organization with guys of course too but a volunteer job that makes a difference in the world, and open your heart when youre ready n dont compare others to this guy...give new guys a chance.

so thats my advice RaN :0) hehe looooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng but girl every1 has picked some1 unattainable once in their life right. I know youre a stronnnnng woman n you can get past this in time :0) *hugs*
 
your advice wasnt useless! your perspective was important because it gives all of us a guys perspective n she really needs a guys perspective right now.
you said "So just keep trying, but move on a slow pace" like what do you mean?
 
hey,,,

Hey, I hope you dont mind my comment/advice.

I hope all is better with your situation. My advice to you is..Next time he starts flirting, be straigt face with him and tell him in a nice but serious way to stop it..Stop being disrespectful to you and HIS WIFE. He is married and should have more respect. Tell him you are not intersted in hearing his nonsense and just keep walking or working for whatever you were doing. In the long run it will be better for you. So big deal if he gets offended. He never considered you being offended or hurt after finding out he was married. He never considered your feelings. It was all a game to him. So, why should you spare him his feelings? Girl, BE STRONG. YOU ARE YOUNG, IM SURE BEAUTIFUL AND HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH TO OFFER A SINGLE MAN. It's obvious he's a jerk. Put yourself in his wifes shoes for one minute. How would you like it, if you were IN LOVE with this man and he goes around flirting or paying attention to other woman in lieu of you..HIS WIFE...I dont think you'd like it.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT..BE STRONG, BE A JERK BACK AND BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE...YOU ARE DAM WELL WORTH IT..YOU ARE SINGLE. and you are hurting no one in a relationship. good luck. and I hope your pain will soon be gone.

take care,
vet
 
Well I think I am a little late for advice, but here's mine.

I kinda went thru a similiar situation....except he wasn't married. Well only in his heart, he is still very much in love with his ex wife and wasn't ready for me to come along. We had an awesome relationship, best friends first and now we rarely talk. I miss him like MAD, but I think its best we don't see or talk to one another. For a long time I thought I was the one who did something, that something was wrong with me, that noone could love me like he did, but I was wrong and I'm coping with that. Like someone said.....try to keep yourself busy, hang out with friends, find a hobby, ANYTHING just get your mind focus on something other than him. Sometimes it works, but then BAM you find yourself holding the phone dialing his number and you're crying...been there and done that. It can get REALLY lonely but there is a light at the end of that tunnel....atleast that is what I keep telling myself. It's been 4 months since we broke up and yet I still find myself crying every night or just by hearing his name mention. I just started dating, well I don't know if you want to call it dating cuz I'm chasing him away and that's on purpose.....ohhh damn I started talking about myself....sorry I guess I'm not that good at giving advice, but hey know that you're not alone on how you feel.

Good Luck Nena!
 
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