LATINAHEAT
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> > > We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
> > > We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly
> > > felt something brewing down below. As much as we try
> > > to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> > > inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work,
> > > following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
> > > work.
>
> > > CROP DUSTING
> > > When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
> > > the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
> > > a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be
> > > careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> > > fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
> > > make sure the smell has left your pants.
>
> > > FLY BY
> > > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
> > > Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are
> > > others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.
> > > Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
> > > may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
> > > going into the bathroom.
>
> > > ESCAPEE
> > > A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the
> > > urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
> > > accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If
> > > you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> > > Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
> > > to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
> > > hear it. No one likes an escapee.
> > > It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
> > > or laughingmakes
> > > both parties feel uneasy.
>
> > > JAILBREAK
> > > When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> > > machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
> > > diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
> > > not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> > > left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness
> > > of what just occurred.
>
> > > COURTESY FLUSH
> > > The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> > > hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time
> > > the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help
> > > you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
>
> > > WALK OF SHAME
> > > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
> > > after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can
> > > be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
> > > and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> > > that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with
> > > the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
>
> > > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> > > A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of
> > > it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper
> > > enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
> > > under his or her arm. Always look around the office
> > > for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
> > > bathroom.
>
> > > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> > > A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> > > emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
> > > group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
> > > Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
> > > SAFE HAVENS
> > > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
> > > where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that
> > > are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
> > > reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> > > bathroom.
>
> > > TURD BURGLAR
> > > Someone who does not realize that you are in the
> > > stall and tries to force the door open. This is one
> > > of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
> > > occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
> > > remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> > > This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
> > > contact.
>
> > > CAMO-COUGH
> > > A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
> > > bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used
> > > to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
> > > Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
> > > with an ASTAIRE.
>
> > > ASTAIRE
> > > A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
> > > Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
> > > will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If
> > > you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
> > > so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
> > > WATERMELON
> > > A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
> > > toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
> > > If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
> > > diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> > > We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly
> > > felt something brewing down below. As much as we try
> > > to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> > > inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work,
> > > following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
> > > work.
>
> > > CROP DUSTING
> > > When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
> > > the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
> > > a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be
> > > careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> > > fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
> > > make sure the smell has left your pants.
>
> > > FLY BY
> > > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
> > > Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are
> > > others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.
> > > Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
> > > may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
> > > going into the bathroom.
>
> > > ESCAPEE
> > > A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the
> > > urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
> > > accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If
> > > you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> > > Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
> > > to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
> > > hear it. No one likes an escapee.
> > > It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
> > > or laughingmakes
> > > both parties feel uneasy.
>
> > > JAILBREAK
> > > When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> > > machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
> > > diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
> > > not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> > > left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness
> > > of what just occurred.
>
> > > COURTESY FLUSH
> > > The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> > > hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time
> > > the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help
> > > you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
>
> > > WALK OF SHAME
> > > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
> > > after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can
> > > be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
> > > and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> > > that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with
> > > the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
>
> > > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> > > A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of
> > > it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper
> > > enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
> > > under his or her arm. Always look around the office
> > > for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
> > > bathroom.
>
> > > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> > > A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> > > emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
> > > group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
> > > Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
> > > SAFE HAVENS
> > > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
> > > where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that
> > > are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
> > > reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> > > bathroom.
>
> > > TURD BURGLAR
> > > Someone who does not realize that you are in the
> > > stall and tries to force the door open. This is one
> > > of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
> > > occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
> > > remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> > > This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
> > > contact.
>
> > > CAMO-COUGH
> > > A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
> > > bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used
> > > to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
> > > Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
> > > with an ASTAIRE.
>
> > > ASTAIRE
> > > A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
> > > Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
> > > will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If
> > > you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
> > > so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
> > > WATERMELON
> > > A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
> > > toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
> > > If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
> > > diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
