Feeling guilty, should I be?

[Heartbrake]

Ok, in not so many words, I would like to give you a scenerio, and the action that followed, and get the male and female opinion on whether or not I made the right decision.

My youngest child (male) will be 10 in May. My two older kids are (male) 20 and (female) 15. The older kids have same dad. A few months ago I took younger childs dad to child support for more $$$. He was giving me $40.00 every week meanwhile his new wifey was driving a new baby blue BMW, and they bought a house up in Rockland. Mind you, he adopted the new wifeys kid, besides having 4 kids besides my son, (making it 5 he has fathered). He only pays support for 2 thru court.. 2 he gives money on an as needed basis. Let me just say before hand that I ADORE my baby and as far as I am concerned, he has and always will belong to ME!! This is the thing.. when the walking talking head got the papers for court he threatened to tell my oldest son, who is a great young man, something that would hurt him and change his life forever. When I called his bluff he came out scratching like a beeyoch and did what he said he would. My oldest, thank god didn't believe him but I was livid! I stopped the court action, because I refuse to beg the big Pu$$y to support my beautiful son. I also sent a message to the "donor" that for him trying to destroy my oldest, that he could no longer have contact with MY CHILD. (Mind you he hardly saw him and when he DID come around it was to try to get me into bed) And since he didn't want to support his child, and there were no court papers, I can keep him away from him. I will and do support my baby in any and all endeavors, needs,and wants. It's been 8 months and with the holidays here, I am having a bout of the guilts. Little man doesn't even ask about the giant sperm, but I don't want to mess up my baby's life. But on the same note, I don't want him to pick up the traits or mannerisms of such a coward who boarders on Beeyoch. I do NOT want said a$$hole back. I am in a very very good relationship right now. By the way, I was with him for 11 years. Just want to know your opinion on this. Am I wrong to keep someone who is sure to be a bad influence on my little one, away from him? Even if it's his dad?
Oh and yes I was in love with him at once. My only excuse is that the saying is true, LOVE IS BLIND. I was under his mental control for a long time, till I woke up and said NO MORE. Better late then never.
P.S.. He practically helped raise two older kids AND He put me thru many many heartaches during the time we were together.

 

[G_I_JOE_EMR]

This is a tough one :idea I suggest you seek help from a proffessional. In any case, my opinion is just that
Your son has the right to see his father. Maybe with supervised visits it can work out.

Take things one at a time.

Hope this helps and hope that this turns out ok for you.

 

[sExXxe]

Wow! Mama, You Have To Do What You Feel Is Right! In This Case If It Were My Son I Wouldnt Want Him To Be Around This Guy, Who Is Trying The Get Revenge By Playin Mind Games And Scaring His Lil Boys Life By Trying To Fill His Head With B.s. The Truth Of The Matter Is That He Is His Father And That The Boy Will Look For Him Though He Might Have Hate In His Heart There Is Only So Much We Can Keep Our Kids Away From. I Know As A Mother You Want To Protect Your Lil Bebes From Harm At All Time, But Reality Is That You Can Only Do So Much. The Guy Is His Father And The Kid Is Going To Want To Kno Who He Is Wether Its Today Or Sometime Down The Line.
Dont Feel Guilty Mama You Did What You Beleive Is Best For You And Your Kid. So Let His New Wifey Drive Her Lil Bmw With Hubbys Money It Takes A Real Women To Drive A Bmw With Her Own Money. I See Where You Comming From But Dont Beg The Basterd For Money Let The Courts Settle It, You Take It Professionaly Though You Are Angry Dont Curse It Only Makes You Stoop To The Little Level He Is. Take It Easy You Dont Need No Man To Take Care Of You Or Your Family You Are A Stong Women. Follow Your Heart And Do What You Got To Do. He Should Be The One Feeling Guilty Not You. Best Of Luck

 

[Cheree]

Phuck him, your son don't need his azz and if the new man in your life can offer him better, go with that. Like I always say, any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. Shitz, if your new man can offer that and more, then your son is not losing anything.

I hope I was able to help! This is strickly from a demented minded person! LOL

Hugz girl, it can't get any worst! But do take him for what he's worth, his son's finances (college education expense). You didn't make him alone so why should you have to pay for everything alone!

Good luck girl and best of luck!

 

[Heartbrake]

Thanks Joe and Sexxxe, I feel resolved with the matter, I just wanted to see what others thought about the action I took.

Chereeeeeeee!!! HI MAMA!!!! Thank you for your input. But the truth is, when money is exchanged there are always going to be complications. Stress I really don't want or need. And although I didn't make him alone, any and all of his accomplishments will be because of ME, ALONE. And that is worth more then any money he can give me now. My baby's love and respect are payment enough. New Man and I are not in that realm yet, nor am I looking for a replacement dad. His brother is his role model and yes girl, I live by the motto... A father can be anyone, but a mother is just ONE!
God bless you and Happy New Year to you Victor and the kids!

 

[Liz_Torres]

You're right!
the love and respect is because You taught him so-
and guess what, one day He'll be wealthy and u will reap of all the benefits, not him..let them keep their material things...cuz it's all material. U on the other hand are wealthy in your won right to even have a blessing in your life! Remember if for some reason he is to pass away- U can always get survivors benefits (TY homegirl for that info.) and/if he wins the lotto- u can always take a phat chunk , but in the meantime. U live the way you want to, raise him the way you want to, and love him the way you want to .

1

 

[scotman]

Sounds like you went through Hell , but still came back strong! Tough situation the *ss put you through...But, I think you made the rioght decision. You sound like a GREAT mom, and a GREAT person...Keep your head up, you're doing the right thing...Good luck my new friend!

 

[Heartbrake]

Liz... you almost made me cry! Not sure if you've been in a similar situation but the conviction in your words really touched me.. thank you so much....
And Scotman, I did go thru hell, but another saying I live by is what doesn't kill me makes me stronger...thank you for the encouraging words and for your welcoming friendship, I look forward to seeing you on the 9th.

 

[scotman]

And Scotman, I did go thru hell, but another saying I live by is what doesn't kill me makes me stronger...thank you for the encouraging words and for your welcoming friendship, I look forward to seeing you on the 9th.

Encouraging words for a positive person!!!And my friendship is always welcome to people with inspiring souls.....

 

[MonaLisa]

Loriiiiiiiiii!!!!

First I must say ..... 40 dollars a week LOL. I had went thru the same exact thing. My sons father was paying 45 a week until I found out he was driving in a benz. Damn straight I took him for more money and got LOTS more. Thats the only thing he does do for my oldest... is pay child support. My son is 10 and hasnt seen his father since he was 1. Anyway ..... Don't feel guilty in any decision you make. You love your children and thats what matters! The day will come when they ask questions but all you can do is answer them honestly without bad mouthing the other parent (which is hard as frock lol) Im sure your son will understand and see who stuck by his side!

 

[melissa figueroa]

i feel you noth ...My sons father has not grown up yet,,I mean he is with a lady that has kids but yet he wont be there for his own blood but like mona said when they growp they will find out on thier own

 

[Heartbrake]

Mona, my little one was a witness to everything that happened so I don't have to explain. Maybe that's why he doesn't ask for him now. I am sure the day will come when my chucho may want to see his dad or call him and I guess I will have to deal with my feelings about it (in private)when that time comes but I certainly would not tell him he couldn't, if that's what he really felt. I am just hoping it doesn't happen for at least the next 5 yrs. I may be less homicidal then.. lol.. lol..
Melissa, I have to say that a man who leaves a family and starts another with someone else should from the love in his heart, continue to be a loving and supportive father to his children. But I also expect the WOMAN that he is starting his new life with to respect that these children where here BEFORE her and she should lovingly encourage him to be a hands on father! Not try to ERASE them because they are not HERS AND.. have him be a father to HER kids but get jealous if he does for HIS. That is not a real WOMAN, or should I say a secure woman. There are some men who can be easily manipulated, by a new punani or the mighty $. But when all that is gone and you're old and grey, it will be your children who will decide if you live with them or go to that nursing home where all the residents have bruises and don't get fed. Your woman may not always be your woman, but your kids are always yours.

 

[Sexyangel329]

I second the Phuck him on the real you shouldn't even have had to ask him or take him to court for more money shit he should freely want to give his son more. There should never be any excuse for a father not freely wanting to do for his child, cono $40.00 bucks a week does he not know how expensive it is to raise a child $40 bucks aint shit if he can afford to by new cars and homes. I would never tell anyone to keep there child away form there father because I would not keep my son from his Father in any case, but he has to also want to see his son he has to make that effort if your lil mans Father is not even intiating seeing him or making an effort then you got nothing to feel guilty about. What you could do though is sit down and have a talk with your lil man ask him hw he feels in what words you can find for his age if he wants to see his Father if you feel he is trluy missing out on something this man can offer him then you be the bigger person and intiate him seeing his son. I also have to say that thereisno way he your son could pick up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ed up traits if your the one doing the raising, your son will always know better because of what you teach him and how you raise him. My little brothers father has not been in his life well over 7 years noone has ever bad mouthed his Father he on his own has made up his own opinoin about him my brother is now 15 and has in no way picked up any of his Fathers traits. To add this man is a real ass (no offense) to knowingly try and hurt your other son having helped raised him thats horrible. Now think about it is your son really missing uot on anything from this man.

 

[Heartbrake]

Sexy, though you are not in my situation, you are a mom and I know you are feeling this, and I appreciate your words. I went the route I did because Biological was not picking him up to spend time with him. The agreement we made was for him to pick him up every other weekend, then he tells me he can only get him one weekend a month.. why? because he couldn't afford the gas money from Rockland Co. to the bronx.. meanwhile his wife is driving a new BMW. If he were giving me an exhorbitant amount of money in Child support I wouldn't have said anything.. but one weekend a month, 40 a week and you're living large???
I can do bad all by myself... but I can do a hell of a lot better without YOU! So, I made up my mind to do what I had to do for my son's best interrest and my peace of mind. He doesn't look for him or try to talk to me to change my mind...I would have to say he is scared of me right now.. he tried to hurt one of my children and in the process hurt all of them.. I could rip his leg off and kick his ass with it.. tear his arm off and bitch slap him with his own hand.. lol.. yep, I would say he's staying away with good reason. But with Faith, Family and Friends I know all will be as it should. In fact it already is.
Happy New Year to you and your little one.

 

[Nyasia]

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about first of all. You did the right thing. The guy is a total loser to go after your oldest with whatever he said to him, secondly, you shouldn't have to go after him for money, he should have to do it without you asking. bu tin the long run, money, it don't do shit, cause if your sons grow up without the love of the father then what good is the money? I say this because my oldest, from the moment he was born, his father wasn't around, although we were married, he went to Germany (in the army) and never came back, my son gets his (child support) but has only really sat down with his father 5 times in his whole existance. My son is a fantastic young man himself, and he chooses to forgive his dad for not being ther for him, but I know he will never forget it. I tried covering up for him for a very long time, sending christmas packages to my own house in his fathers name, but after a while I said fcuk it, I can't lie to him anymore. And my little who is 5 now hasn't seen his dad since we moved here, but he emails his son, calls him and sends his due, now I am not saying he is the best father, I am saying it doesn't take much to stay in your childs life, they don't ask for much, just love and kindness, and they deserve it and then some!


Heartbrake, you seem to be a strong women, and you love your kids, and your doing the right thing. If he wants to make amends, it needs to come from him, let him come an apologize and make things right between him and the boys.

 

[Heartbrake]

Naya, you are so right. All kids need is to know they are loved. And that should come easily for a parent. For goodness sake, you helped bring this life into the world, and this child is helpless and in need of love and protection and guidance! I will NEVER understand how a parent can turn their back on their child. NEVER!! But when I had each of my children, it wasn't a gift of my love to the father's, but a gift to myself. Unconditional Love. It is a beautiful thing. Both giving AND receiving!
Although our situations are a little different, we are both strong women who have and continue to raise great and loving boys into GOOD MEN! Raise a glass tonight Nya, to the trials and tribulations of motherhood! We're so good we make it look easy!

 

[Nyasia]

Raise a glass tonight Nya, to the trials and tribulations of motherhood! We're so good we make it look easy!

you know what, I love what you just said. you go girl😉

 

[tanktruck]

You teach your kid the rights and wrongs of the world. You be a positive and strong force in the life and wiith that they will be able to handle whatever is dished out in the world. You set the tone for you house not some a*****e out in the world. Trust me, your kids will always have your love and remember what you have done for them. They remember all the christmas, easters, halloween and birthdays you did for them and the time and love you put behind them. Always, be strong and never have any doubt who's love you kids have in there heart. They have you in there memories, too. That no one could ever put a price on or replace. Good Luck Girl!!!


tank

p.s. always prey. it helps.