Fathers

[LilMsBoop]

While growing up I was not lucky enough to grow up with two parents. My fahter left us when I was about 6 yrs of age and it was a big thing for me because I was DADDYS LIL GIRL. I remember the day he left as if it were yesterday because it was real hard for me to cope with things. When he left I would blame it on my mother cause I felt it was her fault. He used to tell me that he was coming to pick me up and I would wait all day for him. My mother knew for some reason that he wasnt coming but when she would tell me Id get mad at her and always gave him the benifit of the doubt. I would keep my clothes on until it was time for me to go to bed and then I would cry, He did this all the time. Finally the calls stopped and I never saw him again until I was in the seventh grade. See my grandmother had passed and even though he wouldnt come by my mom would take my brothers and I to see her. So when my grandmother died my world crumbled I didnt want to believe it, he didnt call me to tell me but sent my uncle to tell me. Aint that some shiat. Well I got the nerve to call him in tenth grade (I dont know why I bothered) and we spoke he said he would keep in contact and some see me and once again he never did. No matter what that man did to me, how many times he didnt show up I LOved him and thought he did nothing wrong I just took it out on my mom. This is a hard issue for me because for some reason I still love him. I dont know why and hes shitted on me so many times. Today Im 19 and havent seen him in 8 yrs and some times I wish I can see him just to see what he would say to me and ask him why hes done the things hes done. But then other times Im like for what. This is something that I have on my mind alot you know I ask what did I do wrong, but it finally hit me my mom is right if he wanted to get in contact with me he knew where I was at for the past 8 yrs and never tried to get in contact with me so you know what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM OR ATLEAST IT.
Its crazy though because I see pictures of when I was young and he was around and Ill cry and if any one was to say something about him no matter how bad he is or what he did I still defend him 100 percent.


MEN NEED TO WAKE UP AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW THE DAMAGE THAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR CHILDREN. GROWING UP WITH ONE PARENT IS DIFFUCULT. WE HAVE ISSUES THAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH AS WE GET OLDER.

 

[tanktruck]

I know it's very devasting when one parents leave. At times we blame the other parent or we ever internalize and think it was us. You know maybe if I had did that or maybe if I was like this. Maybe they would of never left. But has hard as it is you gotta to move on. YOU can't live your life on what could, of would of, of should, but never did. Ask yourself this DO YOU THINK HE HAS CRIED AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE? DO YOU THINK HE HAS FELT THE PAIN YOU HAVE? I bet the answer is no! 8 years should be suffient enough time to come up with that conclution. It's hard cause we want there love but you can't make anyone love you. You should concentrate on your family now. Make sure that your daughter has her 2 parents and that she never feels the pain that you have. One day he'll come around it maybe it's gonna be to late then. You've spent to much time and have felt to much pain to let it linger around in your heart. Just let him go. What you should do it sit down and write a letter. Address it to your dad and tell him everything you feel. Let him know all the pain he's caused basically let it out. Address it to him even if you don't know where he lives. Put his name on it. Don't put your return address on it. Then you put a stamp and go mail it. Basically, what this does is releases all your pain and sorrow into the world. Hopefully, venting out all this toxic energy you got builded up. Good luck Ma! Always remember that you have your mother. A mother's love is the strongest thing in the world.

 

[Mysterious Darkness]

This is what I hate about relationships. If the relationship does not turn good, the father goes and leaves the kids with the mother. Happens all the time. And I get so upset just because couples can easily make kids but they don't think about the future of supporting that child. All they look at is being with someone and then leaving if they don't get along. Kids didn't do anything wrong to not deserve a mother and a father. And If I had problems with my g/f or wife, I would try my hardest to get along just for the sake of the child. Because every child deserves a mother and a father figure. This is why this whole world is messed up. Kids grow up screwed up in some way. Kids wanting to commit suicide because of not having their fathers by their side and other things that is very harmful to their mentalitys. I think we all need to think twice before getting involved with anyone and having kids. Because HAVING KIDS alone, is a big thing to deal with. And it pisses me off everytime I see a fatherless child. I think we all need to think about the future when being involved with someone in a relationship. Women need to learn to pick their man and not be so easily amused. And men need to grow up! Take responsibility for what you both created. You had sex so take care of the kid!

 

[ChuckD]

I always get sad when I hear stories like this. All I think of is how the kids are affected.

LilMissBoop, maybe this will help. Sit down and write your dad a letter. Let yourself get upset, angry, sad, and put it all in that letter, just as you want to say it. Let it all flow out of you, onto that paper.

Then, when you are done, re-read it, and rip it up and throw it out. It may help.

 

[La Mas Grande]

What I Really Dont Understand Is Why The Other Parent Chooses To Just Disapear From The Childs Life. Im Living Testament That Just Because A Man/women Realationship Ends Doesnt Mean That The Parenting Realatiionship Ends. Its Hard But Damn It, Make It Work. Fathers Are An Important Part Of A Childs Life And I Get So Tire Of Hearing "my Kids Dont Need A Father", Be For Real They Are Needed Whether They Live In The Same Household Or Not.

Lilmis, I Know Exactly Where Your Coming From And I Wish I Could Tell You That It Gets Easier But It Hasnt For Me Yet. Just Keep Ur Head Up And Give You Lil Nena All That Love You Have Inside.

🙂

 

[crazygirl]

LMB.. your story is the same as mine..
just that my dad left when i was 5
and i tried so many times to get close to him cuz i was also daddys lil girl. but nothing.
i would go see him and he would tell me "why are you here, what do u want money"
and i was 12, or 13 at the time..
last year was the last time i looked for him, i saw him and i was going throw some hard shit so i needed his help. and what he told me was,
i don't need to help you, i have another daughter who needs me not you.
find it else where
and that same day i told him..
one day you will realize the mistake you just mad, cuz u just lost your daughter. cuz from this day on, i have no father. you mean shit to me.
and i walked away.

i still wish i was lucky enough to have a father that would love me. but i was not that lucky with that
but i thank God every day of my life he gave me the best mother in the world
cuz she is the only one i ever need and will ever need..
now that i'm 25 i start thinking it sad that i won't have my father walk me down on my wedding day but i have my mom that will do that
cuz she is both mom and dad to me..

 

[MARKLUVZCYNTHIA]

My father was a true a*****e in every sense of the word. He came around when he felt like it and left when he felt like it. There's nothing worse than that. That's not fair to do to anyone in ANY relationship, especially to your kid. Then afterwhile no visits, no calls, no cards, nothing! lol Can't figure out how you can leave your own kid, knowing how the world is, and not wonder how they are doing in life. Are they OK? Are they going through a hard time? Are they needing for anything? To this day I still can't understand how you can create a human being and treat them like nothing & I hope I never do understand that way of thinking.

 

[Lamatrix]

damn this hits home with me. But mine would have been my birth mother. It's hard on us and they don't even know. I grow up thinking what could have been. but you know I realized not too long ago that Neither my dad or myself did any thing wrong. I love my dad dearly. He married and got me a Mom one that was there for me since I was 8 months old. I can't tell you that life was peachy because it wasn't. Life for me was hard. I was a mentally and physically abused child. Not by my dad (he was always working) but by my Mom. You don't know how many nights I cried wondering what I did wrong for my birth mother to leave me and let me go through what I was going through. She missed birthdays, christmas new years never a card in the mail nothing that showed me she loved me or cared. NOTHING. She came when I was 14 yrs old to tell me she wanted visitation rights. I was young and shit I wanted her to be there but I was angry angry because I resented her. Who the fuk was she to diss me? who the fuk was she to leave me and not care and then all of a sudden she wanted me? we went to court and I chose for her to stay away. I didn't need her any more.
I love my MOM not my birth mother. Mom didn't know how to love me but she did. She was an abused child herself so the pattern repeated itself with me too. It wasn't until I moved out the house and had my own kids that she saw me for what I really was her daughter not her flesh and blood but her daughter the same. I don't hold it against her what she did but I can honestly say that I am a survivor. Twice.
one with the fact that my birth mother left me
second that i lived thru abuse and molded into a wonderful woman.
What didn't break me sure made me. God doesn't like ugly eventually he will get his. Just know that your daughter has two wonderful parents you and her daddy. She is truly blessed.

 

[LilMsBoop]

you know whats crazy to me is that I finally well not finally realized but a while back I finally realized that the only one I need is my mother because no matter what we go through she still got my back. I love her so much and no one can replace her so you know what ya are right to hell with him. It unfortunatly doesnt get better but I got my mother and she supports me no matter what I Do.

Another thing is in the bible it says honer thy mother and thy FATHER
but how can you do that if hes no where to be found?