Advise from woman not with their kids father

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4eVerFreeStyle

4eVerFreeStyle

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Hi Ladies... and guys if you have anything to share....

Now, my situation is old, believe me...

I've been apart from my boys father for over 6 years (not including the booty calls we use to do - yes, I admited that but that's over too) and even though I don't cry over him and I'm ok with his marriage and all, sometimes I find myself so jealous of things.

He and his wife have a house with a big pool in the yard and they both have nice cars and of course, every time I see her, she is dressed to the T, new outfit each time... so on and so on.... Here I am, working two jobs - can't make ends meet some times and wear the same dayum clothes over and over because I barely have enough money to keep my kids clothed...

Did any of you feel jealous at times?

It's such a weird situation... I mean, at our boys sports events or school assemblies, we all sit together... we are all ok with each other, but I still feel jealous of things.

I see them kiss hello and bye... that stuff I'm ok with... it's just the things I can not give my kids that bothers me.

Believe me, I am not a materialistic person... AT ALL... but I just think things are so unfair... I'm a good woman and a great mom and here I am alone and someone like her gets a father for her two daughters along with having another litle girl with my ex.

He just called and said that he is taking the kids to Disney World this year and he just wanted to let me know ahead of time. They are always asking me to take them there and I keep saying next year. Granted, my goal is 2005 and I pray I can pull that off.

Being a single mom is so hard. I am very old fashion so I am not one to just go out and date any one. I don't want just any one around my kids so the dating scene for me is pretty obsolete.

Those of you in a good relationship, you really do not know how luck you are.

God Bless..
Any words of wisdom will help.
 
Girl been there, Done that! I was a single mom too for quite a bit. It's hard. You struggle alone to give your kids everything you can give them. To be jealous of those things you described is not being materialistic. You want more out of life. You want more for your kids. That's all good. You wonder how the hell did he get all that now and couldn't get it back then, when he was with you right? Well girl, keep your head up. Strive for what you want and really set some solid goals to make some of them happen. Try to buy yourself at least 1 piece of clothing every time you get paid. Or every other pay period. I know that for kids, we buy them all the time. That's why I said sacrifice in buying yourself at least 1 thing. The only advice is to try and save the best you know how. Perhaps seek a financial consultor to help you out so that you can turn around and have all that you see your ex has today. And then you can go on Disney vacations with your kids too one day! 😉
 
Mama Just Keep Your Head Up, I Know Exactly How You Feel. Work Hard And Believe Me You Kids Will Appreciate It. In The End They All The Matters. You Getting Jealous Is A Normal Thing And To Be Honest I Wouldnt Even Say Is Jealousy More Anger For Being Cheated Out Of What Should Have Been Yours. I've Felt Like That But Then It Just Passes. One Thing I'm Blessed With Is That The Kids Have Just About Anything B/c What I Cant Give I Make Sure Daddy Does.

🙂
 
Wow.. I just recently went through something like that. Now normally I am very secure with my self esteem, but when it comes to matters of the heart there are times when your f'd up evil twin gets all twisted and makes you do, say or feel things that you wouldn't normally. My ex is remarried and adopted his stepson. They live in a house and drive really nice, NEW cars. They have money and clothes and seem to be very happy. For quite awhile I couldn't understand why since I was the good one in the relationship, why did he end up living the life I had envisioned us having, with someone else. Today, I can say, it's because he wasn't the one in the vision. He wasn't for me. He was a teacher at a time that my heart went through a learning process. And with all the shit he put me thru, my heart has it's masters degree. But I also have a beautiful son who makes my life happy and full of promise. My only regret is that it took 11 yrs for me to "learn" the lesson. And that lesson is.. if you love someone but feel that you have stopped loving yourself.. then it is time to let it go. Love shouldn't be hard, no doubt there will be bad times and tears, but you shouldn't have to work like a dog to make it right. There should be peace and friendship and communication and respect. I always try to keep in mind that God never leaves us. So I always try to keep him constant in my life because as long as I have him, I will never feel abandoned. Until you do find the one for you.. your soul mate.. find other things that will make you feel good about yourself.. hang with friends, find a hobby, home improvements.. things that will make you feel like you are accomplishing something towards the future. Trust me.. it took 3 years for me to finally feel ready to let someone into my heart again, and even though it may not last, althought things are good now.. I am feeling again and that is a major break thru. So although it is very easy for jealousy to creep into your heart.. remember that there was a reason for the break up, don't second guess the brown grass on the other side of the fence just because there's no one in your yard right now.. have faith that you will find what you are looking for.. because YOU DESERVE IT!
 
You have every right to feel that way, even though I don’t live a similar situation, I understand you completely. Actually I’m on the other side of the fence (I’m his 3rd Wife!!!). But I do understand you, believe me. The important thing to remember is that you’re always there for your kids, you’re the one educating your kids 24/7. They will never forget that and there will always be a reward for that.

What everyone else has said here it’s just beautiful and inspirational. So hope this thread will help your soul. If you’re still feeling like that I suggest you get spiritual help for your soul. It will help.

Just to let you know a little secret, from the other side of the fence, a mother’s love will never ever ever ever be replaced no matter how hard you try. At least for me, it’s always hard very hard for my step kids to like me. Everytime I get to see them, it’s like the first time I’m seeing them, when they leave they’re alright with me, but when they come back, it’s like total strangers. So I try my best to just be liked by them.
 
OMG, thank you so much.

LMG, that's how I felt, she's has what was suppose to be mine... but I was afraid to admit to that because it's not about the actual "him"... it's the "them having" that is what hurts.

I really do appreciate your advise.

LaBetty... dayum, I thought you and &more were together forever!!! If he is your second marriage and it's a beautiful thing, then that gives me hope.

Heartbrake, I agree with what you wrote... this was a learning process. I am a totally different woman then I was when I was with him and I know it took me to lose "us" to realize that. I also lost myself in our relationship and that's something I will never do again.

As for the confidence level... that is a little low, but that's more a "me" thing then because of him not being with me. (you know, my weight factor) lol

Thank you again.
Gina
 
4eVerFreeStyle said:
OMG, thank you so much.

LMG, that's how I felt, she's has what was suppose to be mine... but I was afraid to admit to that because it's not about the actual "him"... it's the "them having" that is what hurts.

I really do appreciate your advise.


Hon I know, it's not the man but the life that u want, that u and ur children deserve. My best advice is to create it then. I'm still in the process of creating it for my children and i make sure he is a part of it, At least u and his wife get along unlike me and his, she just tolerates me because she has no choice and i just plain don't acknowledge her.

GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER

LMG
🙂
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This is my 2nd attempt to write here.. I had to erase everything else I wrote because I went into her... (his wife) which isn't the issue here.

The only thing I will say is, we are not "friends" and it's not that we like each other. I believe it's because we have to deal with each other that we are civil with each other. Anger takes so much energy out of you... I had to give it up.

But to know that she's the type of person she is... to have my life is so hard.

My ex is great to me and the kids... believe me. He watches them while I work my 2nd job... if they need clothes, he'll help buy them... I am very grateful that he is the man he is...

It's just so hard especially now, with everyone here at the hospital getting laid off, I'm so afraid that I'll be next and then where will we be? She has gone through a few jobs in the past two years, but I guess that's not as big an issue when you have someone with you that is making good money.

I'm the sole provider (with his childsupport of course) and it scares me.

Anyway, thank you for listening. Single moms are strong and I am blessed with all the strength that god has given me. (wow, did I just say that? lol)
 
4eVerFreeStyle said:
This is my 2nd attempt to write here.. I had to erase everything else I wrote because I went into her... (his wife) which isn't the issue here.

The only thing I will say is, we are not "friends" and it's not that we like each other. I believe it's because we have to deal with each other that we are civil with each other. Anger takes so much energy out of you... I had to give it up.

But to know that she's the type of person she is... to have my life is so hard.

My ex is great to me and the kids... believe me. He watches them while I work my 2nd job... if they need clothes, he'll help buy them... I am very grateful that he is the man he is...

It's just so hard especially now, with everyone here at the hospital getting laid off, I'm so afraid that I'll be next and then where will we be? She has gone through a few jobs in the past two years, but I guess that's not as big an issue when you have someone with you that is making good money.

I'm the sole provider (with his childsupport of course) and it scares me.

Anyway, thank you for listening. Single moms are strong and I am blessed with all the strength that god has given me. (wow, did I just say that? lol)
Click to expand...


Yes you did say and that why I know you will be okay. Things are just hard right now and sometime the stress becomes too much to bear. You have every right to feel the way you do mama but eventually this will pass. I promise u that and dont ever be afraid or ashame to ask him for more if its needed. He isnt doing you a favor he is doing what he is suppose to do. I'm sorry i dont pat men in the back b/c they take care of their children, as a matter of a fact i'm the one who deserves a pat and a hug and so do you mama.

🙂
 
4eVerFreeStyle said:
LaBetty... dayum, I thought you and &more were together forever!!! If he is your second marriage and it's a beautiful thing, then that gives me hope.

Thank you again.
Gina
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😉 Yep there is hope! He wasn't my first that's for sure! 🙂
 
just a thought- Have u ever thought that maybe it's not him- it's her w/ all the luxuries and she's supporting him????
he's with her BCUZ she's supporting him?
Here we are busting our asses and it seems like we're not getting anywhere.And that we have nothing to show, But I think it keeps us humble and real-
I guess whe He THINKS is love- is nothing and empty- and Our hearts are pure and filled with love to spread and share-

how that?
 
I hope things work out for you Gina. You are a great person and deserve to have great things. I am sure it will happen. I am not with my little ones father and I was divorced from my oldest sons father, Now my ex-husband is engaged to someone, I met her this past august, she seems like a fantastic woman, she is in the military as well as he and i wish them all the best, why? because I have the better deal, I raised my son, I have my sons love😉 as for the secodn one, he is living with someone, and her and I are definitely not anywhwere being friends or civil to one another, but I don't envy her either, cause that son of a bitch is still running around, so she gets to have him there with her, but his heart is no where near that house(if he even knows how to love anymore)..lol and once again, I have my son, I have his love. And now I have a great man in my life and even though we live apart, he is still great, and great to my kids. SO your time will come girl, and when it does, you will be extremely happy. 🙂

Lemme find out I have to ask NYPRCAN to hook you up with one of his boys!..lol😉
 
i know exactly how you feel. my exhusbands girlfriend doesnt have more materialo things then me but she has a son the same age. it used to bother me that when i was married to my husband he didnt want to help care for our son and then he cheated with a girl who has a kid. he didnt mine playin daddy to her kid. but he did take our son when i had no where else to turn. but i look at it this way. she wanted my man so i gladly gave her him and my problems.
 
Gina, I felt like crying when I read this cause in a way I can so relate. My ex isnt remarried, in fact I have little to do with him cause he has been in jail for the last seven years for abusing me. But as far as your feelings, I can relate. Sure I dont have to see my ex husband enjoying life with a new family, but I see my friends and others with things I will never have as hard as I try. And I get crazy jealous!! I wonder why God has let my life be so difficult, why do things come so easy to others and so hard to me? I think it is only human nature to be envious of things that we have to work so hard for and others dont. Dont be down on yourself. In fact, be proud of yourself. Your sons will look back when they get older and they will remember the sacrifaces you made for them. I have come to the conclusion that Mr Right may never come along for me, and that is ok. I am gonna try to be happy and the best "me" that I can be. And that means like someone above said, improve my home so it is a place that makes me happy, maybe take a new class, a hobby. And try to achieve some of those things I see that others have that I want so bad for myself. And you know what? When we do get them, we are going to enjoy them all the more cause we can know that we did it all ourselves. Botton line Gina,....hell yeah, sometimes it sucks, but your feelings are completely normal, and you are not alone in the way you feel. Good luck to you...and keep your head up...you have so much that you can be proud of.
 
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