~*~ Unique Puerto Rican Ailments ~*~

LaBettyBoop

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Quebranto:
Mysterious body temperature, not high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school and work. Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association and only understood by doctors of Puerto Rican origin.


Patatú:
Attack of obscure origin that can strike at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization, yet is undetected by medical
technology. Victims tend to be males and females over the age of 50 years.


Sereno:
Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance. There are no physical symptoms
and can only be detected by the Puerto Rican elderly. The effect of having this disease is unknown: children must not be taken out at night without proper head gear or risk of contamination is certain.


Empache:
Digestive disorder which occurs after the consumption of a large Puerto Rican meal, (i.e. Nochebuena). The only known cure for this
disease is "una buena criolla" or "tirarse un buen peoh".
(Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective).


Chichón:
Elevated cranial protrusion usually caused by the fall after a Patatú.


Chochera:
Syndrome affecting all Puerto Rican senior citizens to different degrees. Characterized by all around bitchiness and irritating behavior.Treatment: Permanent stay at nearest nursing home.


PRS: "Puerto Rican Syndrome"
A severe form of Patatú.
Characterized by a complete failure of all your muscles of your lower extremities followed by a fall usually broken by a person standing next to you. A variant of this condition can also be seen when Yiye Ávila prays for you and touches your forehead.


Cuerpo Cortado (Cut Body):
Frequent and mild condition of unknown
ethnology. Symptoms include but are not limited to: Fatigue, lack of energy and chronic whining.
Equivalent to the spleen in Americans but much more complex.


Moño Parao (Stand-Up Bonnet):
Psychological imbalance of short duration
that causes strange mood swings, violent irritating behavior as well as general unpleasantness. Extremely common. Can strike anyone regardless of age or sex.
 
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