Those God-foresaken match sites

[Dianita]

So when I first got my pc, my man checked out these match sites. We made a bet on who would get more hits. I thought he would. He thought I would. Of course I only put down I was looking for friends, while he put friends and romance(hmmm?). Let me tell you, thank goodness I didn't bet anything, cause I get poor, desperate guys trying to contact me every week. Like anything in life, I've talked to some real nice, interesting people. But OMG, the amount of perverted crackpots that are on there, wow. I was chatting with one guy from Ecuador. He seemed all friendly. I talked to him a few times. Then he asks me to marry him:lame . I explained that I was flattered, I don't think marriage should be taken so lightly. Especially after things went so bad with my ex. You know, next time, I wanna do it right. So he tells me maybe my marriage didn't last because I was no good in bed.:hohsit So I said, well I guess it's good I'm not gonna marry you, huh?:nah
Anybody here have any, good, funny, psychopathic match stories to share?

 

[Naturalstyle]

Maybe someone should start a Clubfreestyle Match site, haha!

 

[Dianita]

It would be harder to lie though. It's suspicious how so few people on the match sites aren't married or don't have kids??? Hmmm?? Or it's funny how some say they're not married, but the in pic of them, they're wearing a ring and standing real close to some woman.

 

[ChuckD]

Oh man.....I've got stories for you.

I have my ad out on two sites....Yahoo Personals, and American Singles. I put down that I am looking for single guys between 30-45 years old. I also put in my ad that while I don't have anything against anyone who is into casual sex, that is NOT my scene and if that is all they have to offer, move on.

So far, I've been contacted by:

a 36 year old who's introduction was "I have a huge, thick c*ck." I replied to him with "Then why don't you go phuk yourself with it?"

An 18 year old (can't he read??? 30-45) who wanted me to tie him to the bed and tickle him silly.

A 55 year old (guess he can't read either) who told me he has nipples like stacks of dimes. :rolleyes

A 34 year old Russian. STILL living in Russia. Hello??????

A 32 year old Indian man, who is married and wants to "experiment". :rolleyes Sorry, I'm not about to become your dirty little secret.

Finally, I was contacted by 3 women who apparently don't know what "gay" means. :rolleyes

 

[Naturalstyle]

Why do they gotta be standing next to "some woman"?

It's not just guys you know.

One thing I learned this summer (after being married for a while) is that:

GIRLS ARE THE SAME AS GUYS.

I met a girl down @ the shore who was BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't believe she was even talking to me (she was bold enough to introduce herself). She was a petite, very toned (hard 6-pack abs) latina-italian bombshell.

We had a wonderful time talking and flirting. She was the one making the moves 'cuz I was all kinds of nervous around her.

Well, I walked her to her car and as we were talking I figured I needed to "grow a pair" and not be such a wuss so I reached to her and kissed her. Tiny li'l woman (like 5' 2") responded by jumping on me (straddling) and we had like 5-7 minutes of very passionate kisses. MY HEAD WAS BUZZIN' I actually felt light-headed (and it wasn't the alcohol). I was like...DAMN! What did I do to deserve this? Other than a HELL of an attitude, this girl was pretty, smart, motivated, and very gentle in her own North Jersey-Staten Island way, haha!

Trying to "keep it chill", I just let it rest and asked her to call. She made plans with me for 2 nights later.

I was REALLY looking forward to seeing her but then she calls and confides that she has a serious boyfriend and was down the shore for just the weekend.

I was like... Oh man! This sucks. I was actually heartbroken for a day or two.

That's when I realized that no matter how much trash girls talk, they are the SAME as guys.

 

[Dianita]

Yep, I'm on Yahoo and msn match, but both in Spanish. My man also has his on American singles. I'm kinda suspicious he has a hidden profile on his cel phone, because I found a message with his password...

An 18 year old (can't he read??? 30-45) who wanted me to tie him to the bed and tickle him silly.

OMG, he actually phrased it like that???

A 34 year old Russian. STILL living in Russia. Hello??????

I get the international ones all the time. The first thing that comes to my mind is "marriage of convenience."

Finally, I was contacted by 3 women who apparently don't know what "gay" means. :rolleyes

Now that's more complex. Either they can't read, or they have a fear of sex and wouldn't have to worry about that, or they think that they can change you...

 

[Dianita]

Why do they gotta be standing next to "some woman"?

It's not just guys you know.

One thing I learned this summer (after being married for a while) is that:

GIRLS ARE THE SAME AS GUYS.

I met a girl down @ the shore who was BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't believe she was even talking to me (she was bold enough to introduce herself). She was a petite, very toned (hard 6-pack abs) latina-italian bombshell.

We had a wonderful time talking and flirting. She was the one making the moves 'cuz I was all kinds of nervous around her.

Well, I walked her to her car and as we were talking I figured I needed to "grow a pair" and not be such a wuss so I reached to her and kissed her. Tiny li'l woman (like 5' 2") responded by jumping on me (straddling) and we had like 5-7 minutes of very passionate kisses. MY HEAD WAS BUZZIN' I actually felt light-headed (and it wasn't the alcohol). I was like...DAMN! What did I do to deserve this? Other than a HELL of an attitude, this girl was pretty, smart, motivated, and very gentle in her own North Jersey-Staten Island way, haha!

Trying to "keep it chill", I just let it rest and asked her to call. She made plans with me for 2 nights later.

I was REALLY looking forward to seeing her but then she calls and confides that she has a serious boyfriend and was down the shore for just the weekend.

I was like... Oh man! This sucks. I was actually heartbroken for a day or two.

That's when I realized that no matter how much trash girls talk, they are the SAME as guys.

Yeah, there are some girls that are like that. But I'm honest from the get-go. And I'm just looking for friends right now...but I do think it does tend to be the guys who kinda invent themselves to be something they aren't..tend to. Mind you, I didn't say all. I'm sure there are some good, decent ones, somewhere...I think?

 

[Naturalstyle]

Dianita, Point well-taken bt I still think:

GIRLS ARE THE SAME AS...

(check that)

GIRLS ARE W O R S E THAN BOYS!

'cuz girls do it on the DL.

Unlike us stoopid guys who get snagged. I can't even stare @ a girl w/o getting caught.

A woman will solicit, meet, hook-up, etc. and do it with a straight face under their man's nose.

BTW, I'm just kidding (sort of).

 

[ChuckD]

An 18 year old (can't he read??? 30-45) who wanted me to tie him to the bed and tickle him silly.

OMG, he actually phrased it like that???

Yes, he did.....I have no problems with kink, and I've talked about my "evil tickle hands" here, so I would've put them to use. :lol However, being barely legal, and then wanting casual sex, and wanting it all to happen on the first meeting.....hmmm, see ya!

A 34 year old Russian. STILL living in Russia. Hello??????

I get the international ones all the time. The first thing that comes to my mind is "marriage of convenience."

yeah, I would be thinking that too, if I was a woman. However since I'm not, and gays can't marry, that wouldn't help him become a citizen.

Finally, I was contacted by 3 women who apparently don't know what "gay" means.

Now that's more complex. Either they can't read, or they have a fear of sex and wouldn't have to worry about that, or they think that they can change you...

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!! Change is not gonna happen. :lol

Yep, I'm on Yahoo and msn match, but both in Spanish. My man also has his on American singles. I'm kinda suspicious he has a hidden profile on his cel phone, because I found a message with his password...

Hmmmmmm. I think I would be suspicious too.

 

[Dianita]

Maybe my life is different than normal. I've been the one sitting at home, waiting for my man, while he goes out to put gas in the car, visit relatives, friends, 8 hour trips to throw out the garbage. Supposedly. Then afterwards I here he was with this one and another one. Maybe I just know how it feels to be screwed over and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. It sounds corny, but I live my life by the golden rule.

 

[Naturalstyle]

Yo,

That's not corny at all. You definitely reap what you sow.

Have a great weekend. Saturday school is almost done.

 

[Dianita]

You, too. Enjoy your weekend.🙂

 

[djlos05]

funny thread

i try to stay form those sites half the damn women on there want a guy to take care of them i just think its way to funny even those phone chats are even funny half the women on those damn things i mean i went on once cuz my boy was like to peep it out no one there really talks all u hear is women moaning and shit like if they dont have any kind of respect for there self ........thank god i rather meet a female in a mall ..............

 

[lady_Manda]

Oh man.....I've got stories for you.

I have my ad out on two sites....Yahoo Personals, and American Singles. I put down that I am looking for single guys between 30-45 years old. I also put in my ad that while I don't have anything against anyone who is into casual sex, that is NOT my scene and if that is all they have to offer, move on.

So far, I've been contacted by:

a 36 year old who's introduction was "I have a huge, thick c*ck." I replied to him with "Then why don't you go phuk yourself with it?"

An 18 year old (can't he read??? 30-45) who wanted me to tie him to the bed and tickle him silly.

A 55 year old (guess he can't read either) who told me he has nipples like stacks of dimes. :rolleyes

A 34 year old Russian. STILL living in Russia. Hello??????

A 32 year old Indian man, who is married and wants to "experiment". :rolleyes Sorry, I'm not about to become your dirty little secret.

Finally, I was contacted by 3 women who apparently don't know what "gay" means. :rolleyes

lmao!! omg some people are idiots! I get crazy asses like that too.

 

[ChuckD]

I just got a responce from a 20 year old guy from Thailand. WTF?????

 

[Dianita]

How about this ad(translated from Spanish):
Hello my life how are you I'm looking for a woman who will let me do eveything, I don't want you to lift a finger, I'll do everything for you I'll clean the house, I'll wash the clothes I'll dye your hair, I'll paint your nails We'll never need anyone else ever again to do all the things that I can do I know a little of everything from plumbing to mechanics. I'd spoil you like no one else would. If you give me the opportunity, you wouldn't regret it. The only thing I'd ask is that you behave. I could tell you more, but the rest depends on you. We'll be in touch mamsita.

Now is it just me or does this ad raise big red flags. I can see myself now chained to a pipe in his basement...The behave thing in particular scares me.

 

[ChuckD]

How about this ad(translated from Spanish):
Hello my life how are you I'm looking for a woman who will let me do eveything, I don't want you to lift a finger, I'll do everything for you I'll clean the house, I'll wash the clothes I'll dye your hair, I'll paint your nails We'll never need anyone else ever again to do all the things that I can do I know a little of everything from plumbing to mechanics. I'd spoil you like no one else would. If you give me the opportunity, you wouldn't regret it. The only thing I'd ask is that you behave. I could tell you more, but the rest depends on you. We'll be in touch mamsita.

Now is it just me or does this ad raise big red flags. I can see myself now chained to a pipe in his basement...The behave thing in particular scares me.

lmao

 

[myonlysweetie]

How about this ad(translated from Spanish):
Hello my life how are you I'm looking for a woman who will let me do eveything, I don't want you to lift a finger, I'll do everything for you I'll clean the house, I'll wash the clothes I'll dye your hair, I'll paint your nails We'll never need anyone else ever again to do all the things that I can do I know a little of everything from plumbing to mechanics. I'd spoil you like no one else would. If you give me the opportunity, you wouldn't regret it. The only thing I'd ask is that you behave. I could tell you more, but the rest depends on you. We'll be in touch mamsita.

Now is it just me or does this ad raise big red flags. I can see myself now chained to a pipe in his basement...The behave thing in particular scares me.

Definately stay away from him!!!