this is gonna raise some eyebrows

[Brklyn345]

I really need your opinions on this, because I'm at a loss of what to do. I've been witnessing a clear case of child neglect for a long time now, with my partner's nephew. Basically what's been going on is that his father doesn't do ANYTHING for this kid. His mom doesn't want him, because of some post-pardum depression gone haywire, and several times when he's gone to visit her for the weekend(usually because the dad doesn't want to deal with him)he's come back with bruises and bite marks. His dad doesn't help him at all with his homework, and my partner is the one who winds up getting guilt-tripped into helping him. This kid's dad has also walked out on his son in the middle of his tantrums many times, and hasn't come back for days at a time, basically leaving all responsiblity to my partner and his grandparents, and even though I love them both, the grandmother is illiterate so she can't help him with the homework, and she's also very passive, and lets the kid run amok. The grandfather is in and out of the hospital, either because of his diabetes, or because his mind is going, and has been known to lose his memory while out in the street. I've been wrestling with myself, trying to decide if I should call child services for about a year now, and I even spoke to my grandmother about this, because she went through the same issue with me, and she said the best bet would be for my partner to take him to court for custody of the kid. She also told me that the child service system is so messed up that it won't matter that he's gay. But therein lies another problem, because right now, we're not financially stable to take him in, and there's hardly enough room in the apartment for me and my partner, so most likely the kid will wind up in foster care anyway. Then on Halloween we were celebrating my partner's birthday and the kid wanted to try and eat some cake all by himself. By the way, this kid isn't a toddler...he's 8. So he's screaming because the grandmother won't let him, and the father is just standing there and then he says "Maybe you should feed it to him with a pencil so he could get lead poisoning." Can you believe that bastard? He thought he was slick because the grandparents don't speak english but I caught it, and I would have dropped him if it wasn't my partner's birthday. I told my partner about this and he believes me and he said he also thought about calling child services. Part of me tells me that it's none of my business and to let my partner deal with it, but then the other part...the human part of me, the part that knows what this kid is going through is crying for him, because I'm reliving my own pain. At least my dad wasn't around to let me know he didn't care, but this kid's father just slaps him in the face with that fact. And just when I made up my mind that I was going to call child services, then on the news I find out that a child died after being returned to its mom even though child services had a file on the mother proving she was unfit. At this point kidnapping the child would seem merciful. :angered

 

[freckles529]

Wow I am trying not to cry here after reading that. I wish I could give you an opinion but I am the type of person where my need to do the moral thing always always gets through first. I personally think child services is a disaster waiting to happen. God only knows what can happen to this little boy. He could be beaten, raped, starved to death and maybe tortured. Not saying that its always like that but thats all we ever hear about now. I understand that you and your partner arent financially stable and theres no room so its a really hard decision but I really dont think that this little boy's mother or father deserves him and his father needs to see what hes doing to his little boy. I guess I feel so bad because I myself have a little boy. Hes almost 4 and I cant imagine him ever being treated like that and I know that if me or his father died we have other family members that would love to take him in and make sure he has the best life. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and that your partner feels so torn. I dont know what to say except that I am scared that this little boy will end up worse if put in child services. He will be emotionally and mentally messed up being bounced around and around. I really hope that you all are able to resolve this situation soon.

 

[Dianita]

Do some looking into it. The way the situation sounds, I'm sure you'd be eligible for some financial help. If this is something you two think you can handle emotionally, I'm sure there must be a way. I've noticed alot of the times when people try not to get involved is when something worse happens, and whatever happens see to it that the poor kid gets some counseling to help reverse the damage that already has been done. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

 

[Poetry In Motion]

I've been wrestling with myself, trying to decide if I should call child services for about a year now

Making that call would be the best thing you could do for that child. FIND THE GUTS.

1. While his paperwork is pending, pay close attention on the current living situation of this child. Report any further irregularities and find out what you can do. If you can, make/have proof of abuse.

2. Once he is turned in to social services, make sure you and/or your "partner" monitor his status regularly to see if everything is going alright. Social services ain't all that.

This is the best thing I feel you can do for him since you can't afford to have him as your own.


Btw, this is off topic but why do you refer your boyfriend as your "partner"??

 

[lachicabella]

If you could adopt that child, look into it, that's if you want to though. If you are ready to be a parent then go for it. Otherwise do what's best for the child. In a way, the child is crying out for help (if you think about it). He may not be saying "I need your help" verbally, but I can tell you right now, everytime he looks at you, his spirit is calling out to you for assistance. Something told you "help this child!", I think you should listen to that GUT feeling.

You don't want to find that child severely hurt or end up dead because he didn't get any help. And since you are observing all of the bad treatment he is receiving from the people around him, you don't want to end up feeling guilty for the rest of your life knowing that you didn't take a stand to do something about it. I say go for it, he really needs your help.

 

[BabyBeTTYBooP]

Really f*^%$ up situation....so many people see this day and night and all they can say, is none of my business.......but let me say this.....for keeping it to yourself.....you are also abusing and neglecting this child!!

Get this child help, and NOW!!

The school have not noticed this symptoms.....hmmmmmm???

Why do people think, children will be removed immediatly, there is a procedure for everything.......perhaps just counseling will be provided, for all individuals involved........it is based on alot of things...employment, housing, etc.........habits, such as drugs, alcohol, a thorough investigation is done. Maybe this will be a lesson well taught. Dont panic.....its not so simple to just take a child away from his parent.....you said alot, but really you did not give alot of details......The child will go to mediation and so for and so on.... Families are interviewed...again there is a process.

Good Luck...you can start by getting information here.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/child_safety/prevent_abuse.shtml

If you want to ask me anything...just pm me 🙂

 

[BabyBeTTYBooP]

PS..Dont quote me on what I said, all situations are different and Im not a judge 🙂
lol

Really f*^%$ up situation....so many people see this day and night and all they can say, is none of my business.......but let me say this.....for keeping it to yourself.....you are also abusing and neglecting this child!!

Get this child help, and NOW!!

The school have not noticed this symptoms.....hmmmmmm???

Why do people think, children will be removed immediatly, there is a procedure for everything.......perhaps just counseling will be provided, for all individuals involved........it is based on alot of things...employment, housing, etc.........habits, such as drugs, alcohol, a thorough investigation is done. Maybe this will be a lesson well taught. Dont panic.....its not so simple to just take a child away from his parent.....you said alot, but really you did not give alot of details......The child will go to mediation and so for and so on.... Families are interviewed...again there is a process.

Good Luck...you can start by getting information here.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/child_safety/prevent_abuse.shtml

If you want to ask me anything...just pm me 🙂

 

[Brklyn345]

Thanks for all your opinions....BBB, that link was most helpful, because initially I thought I was making a mountian out of a molehill...I thought I was projecting my own pain on to the situation and seeing things that didn't exist, but I know now that isn't the case. The thing is now I need hardcore proof to get this kid help, and I've come up with a way to do it, but the best I could do right now is try to keep him in the presence of my partner and I as often as possible.

PIM- I refer to my partner as such because we've been together for 4 years now, so we're way past the boyfriend stage. As of right now, that would be the correct term since gay marriages aren't allowed in New York.

 

[Poetry In Motion]

PIM- I refer to my partner as such because we've been together for 4 years now, so we're way past the boyfriend stage. As of right now, that would be the correct term since gay marriages aren't allowed in New York.

Why not say "loved one"???

"Partner" sounds like "phuck friend" to me.