The Other Woman!

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Fernanda

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From Da Bronx, Baby!!!!! Freestyle Singer, Manage
Hey peep's I need some mad advise! My bestfriend that I love to death is having mad issues with her man and I don't know what to tell her since I've never been in the situation.

Here it goes...

My bestfriend started seeing this guy who is very mysterious about his personal life? Hello! If he is dating you, why should his personal life be a secret to you, his girl? Well anyways, it turns out that he is living with his wife and kids. Now check this out, he is living with her because he has no place to go, but this situation has been like this for the past 4 or 5 years now. He claims that he pays all the bills and his wife does not work, yet he can't bring her over or she can't call his house. But he says he just lives there? Now my bestfriend lives with her mom and is trying to find her own place but she wants to know what should she do? She wants to find a place with hopes he moves in with her but what if this guy is lying to her? I don't know what to tell her because she is really in love with this guy and may be pregnant too! Please help, any advise will be welcomed good or bad. I don't know what to tell her. I've never walked in those shoes so I can't possibly understand her situation.

Thanks guys for your help!
 
ummm...he doesn't sound true to me. I think they're still married and that he just needs someone else to fulfill his wife's duties...i dunno, it doesn't sound good to me. Besides....if hes paying all the bills - how hard is it to get his own place??? And especially if he doesn't care for the wife and kids? But then again - why would ur friend want someone like that? I think she should find someone better!
 
Yikes, that situation is a bit sticky (no pun intended).

It REALLY sounds like a case of that dude wanting his cake & eating it too....plus some cookies for later! Its sounds like an unhealthy situation that she should erally get out of...

problem is...

how do U brake it to her? If she truly is a good friend, then she wouldn't mind a heart-to-heart convo. I'm the type of person that if I see a loved one in a sh*t situation I'll tell them flat out 1st, "look, don't get mad at anything about to tell U, I'm only telling U because I love U..." and lay it down!
 
vixen said:
ummm...he doesn't sound true to me. I think they're still married and that he just needs someone else to fulfill his wife's duties...i dunno, it doesn't sound good to me. Besides....if hes paying all the bills - how hard is it to get his own place??? And especially if he doesn't care for the wife and kids? But then again - why would ur friend want someone like that? I think she should find someone better!
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I hear what your saying, but making her understand all this is another issue.

But check this out, what makes the whole situation crazy and hard for me to understand is that he spends the night with her!?! 😕 One weekend he was gone from Friday to Sunday? And that his wife doesn't ask questions or calls him on his cell asking where he's at. She also told me he has his own room 🙄, but maybe out of respect to his wife and kids that is why he hasn't taken her there? I don't know, this sounds so complicated to me. Now I'm all confused!! Grrrr she is so hard headed!!!
 
Putana said:
Yikes, that situation is a bit sticky (no pun intended).

It REALLY sounds like a case of that dude wanting his cake & eating it too....plus some cookies for later! Its sounds like an unhealthy situation that she should really get out of...

problem is...

how do U brake it to her? If she truly is a good friend, then she wouldn't mind a heart-to-heart convo. I'm the type of person that if I see a loved one in a sh*t situation I'll tell them flat out 1st, "look, don't get mad at anything about to tell U, I'm only telling U because I love U..." and lay it down!
Click to expand...

I know, that is the hard part. How do I brake it to her that she will understand. I even went so far as telling her, "if he really loves you and this wife doesn't mean anything to him then have him get a divorce! If he doesn't love her and he claims he wants to be with you then get a divorce!" He told her that he can't do that! That she was not being fair. My friend was once married and she still carried her ex's last name so he told her that before they can have any kids, she would have to take his last name off and she did. Yet, he doesn't love his wife and can't get a divorce.

Makes no sense to me!!!!! Grrrrr, she is so hard headed!!!
 
HE'S AN A--HOLE AND HE'S DOESN'T SEEM TO TELLING THE TRUTH. IS THERE A WAY TO ASK THE WIFE AND SEE IF HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH HE'S LEFT HE WITH NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE. POR ESO ES QUE DIGO QUE LA GENTE DEBEN DE MIRAR Y VER SI VALE LA PENA PASAR POR TANTOS MAL RATOS. GOOD LUCK MAMA IN OPENING HER EYES.
 
Lamatrix said:
HE'S AN A--HOLE AND HE'S DOESN'T SEEM TO TELLING THE TRUTH. IS THERE A WAY TO ASK THE WIFE AND SEE IF HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH HE'S LEFT HE WITH NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE. POR ESO ES QUE DIGO QUE LA GENTE DEBEN DE MIRAR Y VER SI VALE LA PENA PASAR POR TANTOS MAL RATOS. GOOD LUCK MAMA IN OPENING HER EYES.
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Thanks Matrix, I hear you girl. Supposely he doesn't want her to call the house and supposely his wife knows he's with my friend? How I don't know but this is what she tells me and this is what he tells her. I hear what your saying girl, we should check people out before getting involved with them. Unfornately most of them lie from the beginning and when the truth finally comes out it's too late. Your so deep in the relationship that your bound to get mad hurt. Everyones comments have been helpful, I still don't know how to approach this whole situation but I will know eventually what to do!
 
Damn Fernanda, she's been going through this for a long time and doing nothing about it and now she maybe pregnant. No disrespect to her but what the hell is wrong with her ? Another one bites the dust. I'll pray for her cause he got over big time. What an ass he is and she's probably an angel just looking for some love.
 
damn! thats hard. umm just be there for her. make sure she knows that she has ur support no matter what kind of situation she's in.

well if ureally wanna check peeps out b4 u get to "know" them, u could do it online: www.publicdata.com (i can't beloieve they even have this site! lmao

get her to find out more about him - very personally, maybe then u can put the pieces of the puzzle together...🙂
 
smoothrhythm said:
Damn Fernanda, she's been going through this for a long time and doing nothing about it and now she maybe pregnant. No disrespect to her but what the hell is wrong with her ? Another one bites the dust. I'll pray for her cause he got over big time. What an ass he is and she's probably an angel just looking for some love.
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Well actually, my friend hasn't been with him long. From what I hear he's been with his wife for more than 10 years. Poor wife and if my bestfriend stays with him, poor her too. Cause if he wont leave his wife or doesn't want to get a divorce, what can I say? Thanks for the prayer, I hope I can open her eyes before it's too late. The baby, well that's another chapter all together in this story. But lets see what's happens.

Thanks guys for the advice.🙂
 
Um Fernanda darlin, it sounds to me like this guy is having his cake and eating it too!! I think he is having an affair with your friend. He just doesn't want her to know. I hope that's not it but.... that's what it seems like. I hope all will be well. Take care!!
 
vixen said:
damn! thats hard. umm just be there for her. make sure she knows that she has ur support no matter what kind of situation she's in.

well if ureally wanna check peeps out b4 u get to "know" them, u could do it online: www.publicdata.com (i can't beloieve they even have this site! lmao

get her to find out more about him - very personally, maybe then u can put the pieces of the puzzle together...🙂
Click to expand...



Thanks Vixen, maybe that is how I will lay the foundation and hopefully based on what we find out the decision should be easier. Thanks for the website too!
 
FreestyleGod said:
Um Fernanda darlin, it sounds to me like this guy is having his cake and eating it too!! I think he is having an affair with your friend. He just doesn't want her to know. I hope that's not it but.... that's what it seems like. I hope all will be well. Take care!!
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Thanks sweetie, it's been nice getting some advice from the fellas too. Well if that's the case she has to decide on either leave him or becoming the mistress which is not fair to her. But either way she has to chose and face the consequences it's going to bring. Thanks for the advice.
 
smoothrhythm said:
Hey Fernanda, I hope that she makes you the Godmother after all this bullshit you have to worry about.
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Hahaha you are so funny. If the man is using her and she is just his angel cake I don't know what she is gonna do but the baby is innocent here and I don't mind being it's Godmother if that's what she want's me to do. But we will all find out once I get the courage to face her and hopefully have her see each side of the coin.

Thanks everyone, hopefully this will help open her eyes that are mad shut. 😀
 
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