Rekindling a lost love

nessa's302

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2001
Messages
10,276
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Age
39
Location
CENTRAL FL .........
so I have a friend who's married and is NOT happy. the dumb ass will not get out of his marriage for shyt b/c he says he's "stuck" for the sanity of his daughter. (I COMPLETELY DISAGREE but hey to each his own) and well apparently he ran into an old friend that he really felt for and they saw each other. Now here's the dilemma, they kissed and b/c he's married she didn't go any further w/ him. so here he is calling me in the middle of the night b/c he's stressing that he almost cheated on his wife. so I'm quick to the jump the gun and tell him that He DID!!! to me even a simple kiss is a form of cheating. so now that he's found his old "friend" he's considering leaving his wife and wants my advice. MY advice is simple, do what makes you happy but make sure the baby is taken care of. am I wrong for seeing things this way?
 

babygirl559

New member
Joined
May 28, 2005
Messages
79
Reaction score
1
Points
0
Age
44
Location
cali baby!
you are absolutely right! sometimes the kids are just an excuse to stay in a relationship, b\c you are afraid of making the wrong choice.You can have the worse relationship in the worl and stay "for the kids" but in the long run when they grow up, some can grow anger, and be bitter cause thats all they saw in mom and dads relationship!so tell your friend to follow his heart!
 

michelle28

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2002
Messages
2,079
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
46
Location
Philly!!!!!!
my friend is in a similar situation. staying together for the kids is not always the answer. i told her, one day your kids are gonna grow up and move out and have their own lives, and you will be look at your life and be like "OMG, i'm stuck with this person i don't even wanna be with." kids are better off with two separate happy parents vs. two together miserable ones. As long as the kids are taken care of and loved.....
Oh, and as far as a kiss being a form of cheating........hell yeah, it is! lol :heee
 

Jennylicious

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
798
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
43
Location
Philly's finest
I agree with you ladies all the way. My best friend left her daughter's father after living in a bad relationship with him for the sake of their daughter. Now she is much happier without him but she still has guilt over not having that family life with her daughter's father. I told her she did what was best for her b/c if she would have stayed with him their daughter would have seen how miserable she was and it wouldn't have done her any good. So now she is with someone new & very happy as well as her daughter & she still gets to spend time with her daddy.
 

nessa's302

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2001
Messages
10,276
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Age
39
Location
CENTRAL FL .........
thx pplz! that's what I say ya know. don't live unhappily in front of your children b/c they can sense it. unfortunately not everyone understands this but hey what can u do.
 

yburgos7

New member
Joined
May 12, 2005
Messages
3,575
Reaction score
4
Points
0
Age
44
Location
Boogie Down 4-eva
michelle28 said:
my friend is in a similar situation. staying together for the kids is not always the answer. i told her, one day your kids are gonna grow up and move out and have their own lives, and you will be look at your life and be like "OMG, i'm stuck with this person i don't even wanna be with." kids are better off with two separate happy parents vs. two together miserable ones. As long as the kids are taken care of and loved.....
Oh, and as far as a kiss being a form of cheating........hell yeah, it is! lol :heee
I agree with you...when my parents got divorced that was the happiest moment of my life...I couldn't stand to see them sooooo miserable...I don't understand that concept of staying in a relationship just for the kids..don't people know that by sneaking around and living a seperate life that hurts the ones they love even more...do people actually think that kids don't know what is going on...believe me I know every little dirty deed that my father did...I still remember the things he did back when I was 4 years old...the sneaking around, taking me with him to go meet up with his girlfriend (she is now my stepmom)...please I was glad when they got divorced...my mom was finally happy...and my pops went on to start his new life...
 

BXCookie

New member
Joined
May 27, 2005
Messages
237
Reaction score
1
Points
0
Age
48
You are all right on the mark! Staying together for the sake of the kids doesn't do anyone any good. It just builds resentment.
 

Heavenly

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2001
Messages
14,487
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Location
Tampa, FL
BXCookie said:
You are all right on the mark! Staying together for the sake of the kids doesn't do anyone any good. It just builds resentment.

I couldn't have said it any better... I know a friend who is with his baby mama for the kids... and he is sooo miserable.... and I tell him that it isn't worth it ..... but he says he is with his kids and nothing else matters.... but I hate to see him sooo unhappy and I KNOW his kids aren't stupid.... but what can you do
 

DiaMoND_GiRL

New member
Joined
Sep 17, 2004
Messages
3,636
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Age
34
Location
MiaMi...
ur not wrong loca. the parents do not need to be together for the kids to be happy. they can easily go their own ways, still be happy and be there for the babies. I, for one, rather see my parents seperate and happy thne together and misarable...
 

Dianita

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2004
Messages
2,293
Reaction score
8
Points
38
Age
44
Location
RVA
That's how I lived for close to 8 years, staying with my ex and always trying to fix things for my daughter. Little by little I lost myself. I opened my eyes one day and saw how it started afffecting her, and that's when I started thinking about separating. When he started talking about hurting her too, that's when I decided no more. Kids see our way of living as an example to how they should be one day. I'd never want anyone to treat my daughter like her father has treated me. Her father now hasn't called her in more than a month and a half and hasn't seen her in more than four months though he lives 10 minutes away. But her grades have improved and she's happier, and I'm happier. Dammit, even the cat's happier.

And if someone isn't happy with their spouse, break it off and don't disrespect anyone with the lies. The spouse doesn't deserve to be cheated on and no one wants to be "the other."

And I just wanna say that you all have very good points. CF has such intelligent people.
 

nessa's302

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2001
Messages
10,276
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Age
39
Location
CENTRAL FL .........
that we do Dianita, and I'm glad that you have gotten yourself out of that situation as I have as well. for a long time one gets blinded by certain things but I'm hoping my friend makes the right decision and moves on w/ his life. poor guy
 

La Mas Grande

Active member
Joined
Jul 21, 2002
Messages
9,003
Reaction score
3
Points
38
Location
representing Bushwick
Well I for one would never tell someone to stay for the sake of the kids. It's just does more harm than necessary and although you think that your doing right, what your showing you kids is that they should never strive for true happiness. Like I have told my ex husband, just because we're not together doesn't mean we stop being parents. That relationship will always be there. I'm glad I made the choices I've made and decided to leave before I killed him, it made life much more simpler.
 

SONYA

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2002
Messages
15,289
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Age
38
Location
Toronto
You're right...my parents stayed together for their kids and now look I honestly have little respect for my father I don't talk to him actually and as for my mother when she tries to advize us on relationships I'm quick to tell her she should have followed her own advice which must kill her....never stay together just for the kids it makes it worse I know first hand and it just fuks everybody involved up
 

ChuckD

The Gay Lord of Freestyle
Joined
Jan 3, 2001
Messages
24,876
Reaction score
37
Points
48
Age
52
Location
Essex County, New Jersey
Staying for the kids is not the right thing to do. There have actually been letters from adults in Dear Abby's column, saying that when they were kids, they had wished their parents had divorced instead of staying together.
 

SONYA

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2002
Messages
15,289
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Age
38
Location
Toronto
ChuckD said:
Staying for the kids is not the right thing to do. There have actually been letters from adults in Dear Abby's column, saying that when they were kids, they had wished their parents had divorced instead of staying together.

I always wished my parents just split to end the insanity cuz that's what it was...still don't understand why they didn't how can people live like that and gets there kids caught up in it...it's ironic cuz they stay for the kids but ending messing up the kids in the process of trying to "help" them
 

nessa's302

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2001
Messages
10,276
Reaction score
3
Points
0
Age
39
Location
CENTRAL FL .........
yburgos7 said:
Well Nessa...that's all they need...you!
thx yahi........made me feel alot better!

and yeah guys I agree w/ u. but as an update he has chosen to stay w/ his wife and not rekindle w/ his love. I feel for him b/c I know how truly unhappy he is. but I guess this man is just willing to do anything to have his kids around him at all costs. i know his lost love too and she is heart broken. after so many years and to still have those emotions running wild is torture for her. all I can say to them is to go strong w/ what they've got. I hope he realizes what he's doing sooner rather than later. they would be so happy together and could conquer the world together....
 
Top