La Mas Grande
Active member
How much of me must I leave behind in order to keep a smile on your face? With each passing day, I find that the true me is slowly dying and what is emerging is someone I do not know. I close my eyes and try to recall the day that my smile was genuine, the days that my heart was not so heavy and I was not so afraid. This helpless feeling I have is so new yet it is becoming so familiar. I tell myself that crying will do no good yet I cannot stop the tears for coming. As I cry into my pillow, I ask the same question repeatedly why is life so cruel. Am I destined to live my life to make others happy even if it means sacrificing you? This feeling of a trapped animal just will not subside and no matter how much clawing I do, I cannot seem to break free. Therefore, I sit here and just accept my destiny, as the realization of defeat slowly overcomes me. I often wonder will death be easier, to just close my eyes and go into my eternal sleep then I would not have t.o suffer any more. If I choose to end my journey today then that will be the real me, the one who lives life on her own terms and the one who will end it on her own term. I close my eyes and I realize that there is only so much hurt I am going to be able to take before I close my eyes for that one last time
