Ok here is a doozy Can you keep a friend w/ benefits and not let it be more...

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sexyflyislandgirl

sexyflyislandgirl

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Remember the guy I talked about before that I felt I had a higher sex drive than him???? Any ways when we started out we were friends with benefits and I had no problem with that... then he started putting limits on me and I said if you are going to put limits on me we better reevaluate where I stand.. so we ended up moving in together he started calling and introducing me as his girl... all was good untill about 6months ago things started going down hill in our relationship..

I found out on New years Day later that morning because, I told him I refused to go on the way we have been going so I asked him what happened to make things change.... Now females hold your self for this one because shocking was an understatement when he told me this.... He said that it went down hill when I decided to give him the TITLE OF "BOYFRIEND"... In all my life I never knew you could get the title of girlfriend but the man stays a friend.... Needless to say we agreed to go back to square one... and become friends with benefits again he still lives with me but now as a roommate... (I know Jerry Springer here I come).. So now I have sex more often can someone clarify how a simple title can ruin a relationship... I was ready to give my heart and soul to this man.... we just mapped out the rules last nite basically living a lie... no calls to my home nobody is allowed in my home and he will use protection on everyone else but me... because he does not want me to catch anything...(howwwwww sweeeeeettttt)..

I care alot about this man but my heart is broken because anybody who knew us said we made a great couple we both have kids his children call me mom and my kids call him papa...

My problem is I hate to be alone I have never lived alone I allways had a man and when I did not I was a depressed mess.. I crave affection and love and now I am getting it but deep down now I know it is not real....

I am hispanic very romantic not psycho lolll I am not like most girls.. (that is what I am allways told by other men) I am very understanding.. very loving when I get a man I treat him like a king no man can ever say I was a bitch.. I run into the players but the last man I was with I left him because he reacquired a habbit that I could not have arround my kids (some people slip back)... the father of my kids was abusive I left him for obvious reasons... but each relationship lasts more than a year.. Yeah I did not want a another relationship because I had been through enough... but here I am hurt again...

so the question stands is it possible to have a friend with benefits and it not become something more...???
 
oh yeah we have been together for 3yrs.... my ex before that for 3yrs and my baby daddy 7yrs...
 
First and foremost any decisions or actions you take must revolve around the affect it will have on the children, both yours and his.

This sounds like it's something that he has to come to grips with. It sounded like he didn't want to feel like he was now a couple. To me that sounds like you're not being appreciated the way you deserve. In a previous thread I wrote something about women such as yourself....Been through a lot of crap in the past and because of past experiences now knows how to treat a man like a king...very stable and loving both emotionally and physically.....to most men you would be considered a prize catch.....but for some reason this guy doesn't see it.

The fact that you live together makes things much more complicated and the whole condom thing with other girls...I don't think I would trust that from someone who doesn't want to be commited to me.

I guess it is possible to have a friend with benifits...but not if your living under the same roof.......and your kids are seeing both of you as their parents...nah...very Springer like....sorry....

Women like you.....that have been through what you've been through....and have all the experience you do......and abviously the huge heart you have,....should and deserve more than that......

The friends with benefits thing is great, but you guys are way to close for that if your living together....and then the kids????????....I don't think so......

But that's just my opinion......good luck in whatever you decide.......stay strong....
 
That guy is sure a great player I tell you that much. 😉

-antonio
 
sexyflyislandgirl said:
My problem is I hate to be alone I have never lived alone I allways had a man and when I did not I was a depressed mess.. I crave affection and love and now I am getting it but deep down now I know it is not real....
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Gurl, this is your problem right here. YOU need to go and see Waiting to Exhale, first of all!! LOL You need to learn to learn that you need to love yourself first. Accept the fact that you will be okay with or without a man. You know how the saying goes...YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE SOMEONE CAN LOVE YOU!! Well, you need to learn that IF YOU CAN'T STAND TO BE BY YOURSELF. WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO BE WITH YOU..IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH YOU! Does that make any kind of sense!! Good Luck!
 
Tank is right on that one.

Once you realize that you are strong enough to stand on your own, and realize your self worth, and the fact that you don't need anyone in your life to make it complete, that's when you will become your most attractive.

I speak from experience.

I used to think that I was worthless, and I would lurk in the background, and try to be unnoticed. Now, I realize just how great I am, and how strong I am.

Today, I walked into work, standing tall, and looking confident. I had someone tell me how sexy I was. It was great.
 
Of course you can have a friend with benefits and let it be more.... like Tank says if you're confident about yourself and know exactly what you want.... *basically love yourself* you can make your own rules. But when feelings get involved and you know the other one isn't feeling the same then its time to move on ....cuz you will end up just hurting yourself or someone else.... did I make ANY sense! LMFAO
 
But I don't understand. When you and him moved together he started to refer you as his girl. Then you basically referred to him as your boyfriend and for every right because you was his girl (coming out of his mouth) then that caused the relationship to downhill?

Man if I was a woman I wouldn't deal with that shit...I don't know how you do it. You giving this guy too much power and for what? If you get into a relationship with him...expect to be miserable. You could NEVER change a man like that. Some other chick will but not you and the reason is men love PUTAS...they love the bitches that treat them like shit. He don't love you. :nono

-antonio
 
Its funny I told him that... I said I am not the one for him... My exes all of them after going to the other side of the fence allways come crying back and are like I lost a real good woman.. they profess there love for u but I move on tell them to step... I guess in this case it just has not hit me yet.. but another problem is I am not fully independent.. I do not have a liscense and driving talk about high anxiety.. I am working on that this year with my taxes I am going to get a car and then take the test.... and only then will I gain my full independence... You all have been so kind to me... I will also work on loving me.. I guess those are my major goals...this year.
 
Simple question.

Is it difficult for you to leave this man?
 
🙁 Yes Enigma I guess it is.... he is everything I ever wanted in a man he is very romantic (when he wants to be).. He is not abusive, He is a hard worker.. He is very responsible he does not drink or smoke no drugs not even trees if ya feel me... has he cheated on me well I have never found any ounce of evidence of that his routine is solid he works he comes home eats he goes to bed....
and on the weekends he dj's his club and comes home or when he does his radio show he does that comes and gets me at work and we go home.. My children love this man. Cynthia my baby she adores him... My son could never open up to another man he is the first... he hugs him just like he would his dad... My oldest daughter she has issues with any man she was molested by the father of my other two kids... Needless to say we are working on putting him behind bars but it is a long process... But he treats my children as his own and the other two respect him as that... I recently spoke to him and I told him that for now we could be just friends with no limits I asked if he expected me to wait for him till he decided what he wanted in life.. He said no! I told him that we could be roommates untill I decided what to do because with my taxes I want to get a car I can not afford to move again out here you have to have 1st last and security and each apartment is over 800 and I belive that is like a one bedroom and then the areas out here leave a lot to be desired... He basically stated that he does not know what he wants.. He says he has issues with women since his highschool sweetheart broke his heart... I had nothing to say because he is now 36yrs old going on 37 practically pushing 40 and unless he gets help he will never change... but for now he refuses so I can't wait I wanted a stable family and I thought I had that... I guess I was wrong.... He has a low self-esteem I see that in him but I can't help him if he does not want to be helped.. He takes my advice alot but this is something he has to change on his own..
 
sexyflyislandgirl said:
So now I have sex more often can someone clarify how a simple title can ruin a relationship... I was ready to give my heart and soul to this man.... we just mapped out the rules last nite basically living a lie... no calls to my home nobody is allowed in my home and he will use protection on everyone else but me... because he does not want me to catch anything...(howwwwww sweeeeeettttt)..
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MA I ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION ALL THE TIME. U NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE AND RESPECT URSELF AS A WOMAN AND STAND UR GROUND. THIS CAT SEEMS LIKE A LOSER TO ME BUT HEY THATS MY OPINION. HE WANTS TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO AND FROM WUT U WRITE THIS AIN'T FOR U. KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT U WANT AND GO FROM THERE
 
wow! a man that doesn't know what he wants at that age could only hinder you....been there! done that! and more! (circumstances a bit different) he found security in living with you and having you provide him with all his necessities at HIS convenience. WTF IS THAT!? you will gain independence when you tell him to go to hell. You mentioned him using condoms w/other girls and not you....so how could he be your boyfriend when he's cheating? friend w/benefits and kids do not mix....lo siento...someone is bound to really get hurt and it won't be him.
 
:biggrin its cool ma no more benefits he got on my case because i danced and gave a number to some guy in a club we got into a really bad argument..... i told him to f...off and he made this choice of wanting to be friends so if i decide to sleep with the next man it is none of his concern ANYMORE!!!... I told him that according to him we never had a relationship so anything that happened then or now should not be issue because we were not together.... oh yeah I told him to leave me the f... alone and to do his thing he still stays here but as a true roommate no love no ass nothing leave me the f... alone you made your bed now lie or should I trully say LIESSSSS IN IT....I realize i was living a two year lie it was like a set on a show it looks cool but take a closer look the walls are made of card board and the doors lead into an empty hall.. feel me....
 
i prefer being with someone in a relationship than having a female friend with benefits. too many problems arise out of something like that. been there in the past and won't do it again. it's like wanting to eat tortillas and having to deal with the masa.
 
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