Edalgiere
New member
`how Does A Person Let Go Of Some S That Has Been With Him For At Least 20 Years And Is Weighting Him Down And Not Being Able To Live A Normal Life It Is Like A Boat Anchor Hanging Around My Neck
need serious advice/HELP
- Thread starter Edalgiere
- Start date
-
- Tags
- advice or help serious
ChuckD
The Gay Lord of Freestyle
well, if it is something (or things) done to you, you can write it in a letter. pour your heart out and say just want you want to say. Be angry, brutal, swear, cry whatever.
Then take the letter and burn it, burning away all the issues that go with it.
Then take the letter and burn it, burning away all the issues that go with it.
LaBettyBoop
New member
Or confide in a real good friend that can hold your secret. Maybe hearing you discuss it outloud will make you feel a million times better. Perhaps you literally need advice from someone. Hope you feel better soon Ed.
Edalgiere
New member
dont know if i have any frends that i can trust these days. being able to really trust people these days has become hard
LaBettyBoop
New member
Edalgiere said:
Hmmmm......I understand.
ChuckD
The Gay Lord of Freestyle
Try talking to a therapist. They can be objective and saying it will get it off your chest.
ChuckD
The Gay Lord of Freestyle
Some jobs offer that help too. Where I work they have something called "Care Bridge" where you can talk to therapists for free.
NYPRCAN
New member
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2002
- Messages
- 370
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
From Experience...Save it, tell it to someone that has no credibility or whom you can claim just made that up. They won't believe the person and you can knock it off of yourneck. Also, remember, if you go to a job counselor it's annotated and as much as you think it will not affect your job..LOL.. They ARE Required to report to the boss any problems that may affect the overall workenvironment. They'll find a way to fire you, and it will sound legal. Don't trust ANYONE with a secret that can cause your life to change DRASTICALLY. Just pretend the SECRET was actually a BAD DREAM and it will be forgotten much easier. Just like the bad Nightmares you've had when you were a child. You remember having them but they DON"T affect your life now. So it was a BAD DREAM, THAT"S ALL!
Edalgiere
New member
at this time like always have to workit out on my own cant afford to seek dr's
kxrider375
New member
This is a no win situation. If I understand you correctly you are looking to separate from someone who you've been with for 20 years.
OUCH!
This feeling of having to carry someone through life is not uncommon. In most relationships there is usually one who is more dominant, one who is worldlier and kind of carries the ball for the team, so to speak. That can be looked upon in a few different ways by the 2 people involved in the relationship. The person who is dominant will feel like they are the big provider and have to take care of everything all the time which would give them a sense of importance and that the other person can't get by without them. This also gives a feeling of pride and a huge sense of value, that you can do anything. This can also lead to resentment towards the other person because you feel you have to do everything all the time and at times you may get tired of the responsibility and you wonder if you can get further ahead and at a much quicker pace if you didn’t have the dead weight. (Grass is Greener syndrome)
On the other hand the other person may feel like you are so amazing because you have taken care of everything for so long and that they can always count on you to "Pull the Rabbit out of the Hat" whenever times get tough, but this may also lead them to feel that they cannot spread their wings because you are always in charge and taking care of everything for them, which leads to some resentment because you are limiting their growth as an individual and as an equal partner in the relationship.
I've been through similar situations and the options you’re contemplating have usually been the last resort in my case. The sad part is that it's not fair if one person feels that everything has been ok and all of a sudden they find themselves alone. Twenty years is a long time to be with someone and to then pull the plug. I think there will definitely be some emotional scars.
After 20 years I would imagine you must have some strong feelings for this person. Whatever it is your feeling really does need to come out. You owe that to the 20 years that you've invested and if things can't get resolved?????........then you must decide what to do.
These are just my thoughts from some of my experiences.
I don't envy your situation and I hope things work out for you.
OUCH!
This feeling of having to carry someone through life is not uncommon. In most relationships there is usually one who is more dominant, one who is worldlier and kind of carries the ball for the team, so to speak. That can be looked upon in a few different ways by the 2 people involved in the relationship. The person who is dominant will feel like they are the big provider and have to take care of everything all the time which would give them a sense of importance and that the other person can't get by without them. This also gives a feeling of pride and a huge sense of value, that you can do anything. This can also lead to resentment towards the other person because you feel you have to do everything all the time and at times you may get tired of the responsibility and you wonder if you can get further ahead and at a much quicker pace if you didn’t have the dead weight. (Grass is Greener syndrome)
On the other hand the other person may feel like you are so amazing because you have taken care of everything for so long and that they can always count on you to "Pull the Rabbit out of the Hat" whenever times get tough, but this may also lead them to feel that they cannot spread their wings because you are always in charge and taking care of everything for them, which leads to some resentment because you are limiting their growth as an individual and as an equal partner in the relationship.
I've been through similar situations and the options you’re contemplating have usually been the last resort in my case. The sad part is that it's not fair if one person feels that everything has been ok and all of a sudden they find themselves alone. Twenty years is a long time to be with someone and to then pull the plug. I think there will definitely be some emotional scars.
After 20 years I would imagine you must have some strong feelings for this person. Whatever it is your feeling really does need to come out. You owe that to the 20 years that you've invested and if things can't get resolved?????........then you must decide what to do.
These are just my thoughts from some of my experiences.
I don't envy your situation and I hope things work out for you.
4eVerFreeStyle
New member
Ed, You need to close your eyes and ask yourself, are you happy? Not just today, not just yesterday, but in general and if you can't say yes, then you know what you need to do.
It's hard to make a judgement call her because I don't know the whole story, but in general terms, if someone is bringing you down, then they don't deserve to have you in their lives.
Always,
Gina
It's hard to make a judgement call her because I don't know the whole story, but in general terms, if someone is bringing you down, then they don't deserve to have you in their lives.
Always,
Gina
ChuckD
The Gay Lord of Freestyle
If you do some research on the net, you should be able to find affordable or free help.
you have to do this for yourself. The fact of the matter is, if you have been dealing with this for 20 years, then you have a serious issue that you can't resolve. You need to get some help.
you have to do this for yourself. The fact of the matter is, if you have been dealing with this for 20 years, then you have a serious issue that you can't resolve. You need to get some help.