Need advice asap.

🤖 AI Summary

No AI summary has been generated for this thread yet.
L

LABELLANJ224

New member
Joined
Oct 21, 2003
Messages
78
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Hey guys! Hopefully you all can help I know you will you always do but i need advice asap. So here it goes: I am currently dating this guy who I have known for about 5 years. We have always been friend but about 2 months ago we started dating. He tells me we are SEEING eachother but he doesn't want to be in a commited relationship right now because he cares about me andf if he gets in a relationship now he would hurt me. Then he says he is not dating anyone he is all about me right now. He said please be patient and let things happen. He said my Patience will pay off. Things have been going well between us until last thursday we were together all day talking and just chillin having a good time. Later that day he called me and said my parents are going away soon and I want you to come over when they do. I was like ok fine he said but before you come over there is something I have to tell you. (By the way he is about to be 24) He said his ex girlfriend of 7 years (off and on) is living at his house with his parents and siblings. WHAT??? Yup he also told me so in order to avoid problems you have to come when she is not home. He said he doesnt want anything stupid messing us up because he likes me and wants to see what comes out of what we have. He said they are not together they will never be together and she literally just lives there they dont cross paths. She has no family Nothing so she stays there until she finds a place. But how does that work. He says you still talk to your ex um yeah but i dont live with him. I really like him and we enjoy being together. i do want to see where this goes with him but what should i do?? Please help.
 
um, i could NEVER be with a guy who has his ex (of 7 years especially) living in his house. that's just me, but i would have major trust issues. and if she is just living there and they are not together, than why can you only come over when she's not there?? what kind of problems is he trying to avoid? if she wasn't anything to him, then it wouldn't matter if he has a girlfriend. i don't know, girl....something sounds fishy to me. good luck.
 
michelle28 said:
um, i could NEVER be with a guy who has his ex (of 7 years especially) living in his house. that's just me, but i would have major trust issues. and if she is just living there and they are not together, than why can you only come over when she's not there?? what kind of problems is he trying to avoid? if she wasn't anything to him, then it wouldn't matter if he has a girlfriend. i don't know, girl....something sounds fishy to me. good luck.
Click to expand...


I know it sound fishy. I was asking him a few questions about this yesterday and he got angry with me and said he will call me later. Well he never called or anything.
 
LABELLANJ224 said:
I know it sound fishy. I was asking him a few questions about this yesterday and he got angry with me and said he will call me later. Well he never called or anything.
Click to expand...

He is probably getting angry with the fact that you are catching on to his scam.

If he is not with this other girl, there is no reason for you wait for her to be "not around" so you can go over.

there is also no reason for her to be in his house. I'm sure there are more than enough places for her to go. Maybe she's not ast much as an "ex" as he says.
 
Maybe the reason he doesnt want u around when she is there is to avoid the awkwardness you would probably feel. I think he is being honest.. He DIDN'T have to tell you that his ex was living there. He offered to open his fams house to you.. Obviously that MEANS something.. If he had something to hide, you would've not been invited to his fam house.. don't u think? I think you need to just respect his feelings for now.. you JUST started dating and see how things pan out. Eventually he may feel u may be comfortable enuff to be around his ex and not get into some CAT fight when u do go over. Im married and I KNOW that I would feel uncomfortable being around my husbands ex EVEN tho I KNOW he's mine..
 
ricanlips4u said:
Maybe the reason he doesnt want u around when she is there is to avoid the awkwardness you would probably feel. I think he is being honest.. He DIDN'T have to tell you that his ex was living there. He offered to open his fams house to you.. Obviously that MEANS something.. If he had something to hide, you would've not been invited to his fam house.. don't u think? I think you need to just respect his feelings for now.. you JUST started dating and see how things pan out. Eventually he may feel u may be comfortable enuff to be around his ex and not get into some CAT fight when u do go over. Im married and I KNOW that I would feel uncomfortable being around my husbands ex EVEN tho I KNOW he's mine..
Click to expand...


Thanks. Honestly i think he is being sincere. It's true he didn't have to tell me. I just have other people telling me not to believe him but I think he is being honest with me. I am trying to talk to him about it but he was angry with me the last time we spoke and I havent spoken to him since that was Saturday night. I do believe him that nothing is going on but I wish I could talk to him. Then again I dont know if I can put up with her staying there for a long period of time while we are together. I really dont know what to tell him. I dont want him to think Im jealous because I dont think that will help the situation.
 
if you are friends with him for 5 yrs, then why didnt you already know this?? the situation seems odd to me. do u really want to date a guy who sees his ex every day? she might be psycho!! you should back away and tell him you will date him when she doesnt live w/him.

he has major issuses and you need to think hard b4 getting messed up in it.
good luck.:flowery
 
Just go w/ your gut feeling. U should know this guy by now if you've been friends for 5 yrs.. Communication is the KEY ingredient to make ANY relationship work.. TRUST me on that one. And if he's upset with you and doesn't want to talk about it, then maybe u may have to wonder why and step back and decide whether or not you really wanna be involved..3 days w/out talking is a long azz time!
 
He tells me we are SEEING eachother but he doesn't want to be in a commited relationship right now because he cares about me andf if he gets in a relationship now he would hurt me. Then he says he is not dating anyone he is all about me right now. He said please be patient and let things happen.
Click to expand...

Ok...being a woman scorned and been though an 8-year I've heard it all before relationship, I feel I need to put my 2 cents in here.

First of all awkwardness nothing. He should not get defensive over a situation that he claims is sooo innocent. I'm assuming she has abolutely no money and no job to find a place of her own? No other x's she could call? No other friends to take her in?? If she was truly homeless and "just living there" then he should have no problem having you are her over at the same time. Poor excuse here.

Second, if he tells you you are SEEING eachother right now that means if something does happen with the X he is NOT obligated to you, even though the relationship may be all about you. Seeing (at least in my book - the old book) implies the ability to date other people. So this sounds like a case of him getting what he wants and at the same time keeping you around ("all about you" = I want you to think I'm not seeing other people so you won't see other people - "seeing" = but would like the option to should he get the opportunity).

If you guys have a 5 year friendship, maybe that's all that relationship is capable of being. I know people who have marriages "based on a long time friendship" and those who don't speak to eachother any more because the friendship got messed up by the dating thing.
 
We spoke. He was having problems with his phone and finally turned it on. He also invited me to his house and yeah his ex was there. We spoke about our situation and I told him how I felt he asked me to be patient with him because he "eventually" wants to have a relationship with me and doesn't want to lose me for the 2nd time(we started dating two years ago but then went our separate ways and here we are again) but he says I am trying to rush him to get in a relationship and he just wants it to flow. He was like when you rush it things never work out so just let it be. So I dont know what to do.
 
aim4night said:
if you are friends with him for 5 yrs, then why didnt you already know this?? the situation seems odd to me. do u really want to date a guy who sees his ex every day? she might be psycho!! you should back away and tell him you will date him when she doesnt live w/him.

he has major issuses and you need to think hard b4 getting messed up in it.
good luck.:flowery
Click to expand...


The ex is psycho. she is extremely jealous and he stated that is one of the main reasons he could never be with her again.
 
Tenant_Upstairs said:
Ok...being a woman scorned and been though an 8-year I've heard it all before relationship, I feel I need to put my 2 cents in here.

First of all awkwardness nothing. He should not get defensive over a situation that he claims is sooo innocent. I'm assuming she has abolutely no money and no job to find a place of her own? No other x's she could call? No other friends to take her in?? If she was truly homeless and "just living there" then he should have no problem having you are her over at the same time. Poor excuse here.

Second, if he tells you you are SEEING eachother right now that means if something does happen with the X he is NOT obligated to you, even though the relationship may be all about you. Seeing (at least in my book - the old book) implies the ability to date other people. So this sounds like a case of him getting what he wants and at the same time keeping you around ("all about you" = I want you to think I'm not seeing other people so you won't see other people - "seeing" = but would like the option to should he get the opportunity).

If you guys have a 5 year friendship, maybe that's all that relationship is capable of being. I know people who have marriages "based on a long time friendship" and those who don't speak to eachother any more because the friendship got messed up by the dating thing.
Click to expand...

Supposedly she has no friends/family. That whole Seeing eachother does bother me because I figure yeah he could date other girls because he is not in a commited relationship with me but he constantly tells me he isn't dating anyone and if anything he would let me know. There are points when I say to myself girl don't fall for the same thing all over again. I have been good about this one because I catch myself doing stupid things and repeating mistakes from previous relationships and im like ok girl dont do it again and I change everything. It's just hard to find a guy who will be all about me. Every guy I dated I always felt as if I were second best because another girl was the one they wanted it has always been like that and I dont know why because I give my all to them and the relationship.
 
Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. I just spoke to him and told him I am not playing these games anymore and I refuse to be second best. I told him I would not get into a situation that I would most likely get hurt in. He stated he does not want to hurt me and he wants to be with me as soon as he is ready to get into a relationship but in the meantime does he really expect me to sit around and wait for him to wake up one morning annd decide he wants to be in a relationship.
 
LABELLANJ224 said:
Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. I just spoke to him and told him I am not playing these games anymore and I refuse to be second best. I told him I would not get into a situation that I would most likely get hurt in. He stated he does not want to hurt me and he wants to be with me as soon as he is ready to get into a relationship but in the meantime does he really expect me to sit around and wait for him to wake up one morning annd decide he wants to be in a relationship.
Click to expand...

Well I hope so. Be smart. Don't let the man command the relationship. It has to be a mutual want and desire. I have one rule and that's I am first choice or no choice at all - none of this crap when they have nothing better going on. If he isn't ready...he isn't ready. Go enjoy yourself. Eventually Mr. Right will come along. I wasted 8 years just to hear my X say the words "I'm not ready". So finally I left. I wish I had sooner....it's my one regret so far. My relationships last....the problem is the guys I choose just don't feel the need to be married. They just want to waste my time. Sorry but I'm old fashioned....I want to get married and maybe have a family. :crap
 
if she is psycho like he says then he wouldnt have her living there. i smell something stinky!!
 
Guys He Invited Me To Go Over One Day This Week Because Now His Parents Are Away On Vacation But Esa Muchacha Is Still There. I Dont Know If I Should Go Or What.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top