Monday Funny

8th-Sin

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A stranger in new lands...
This might be a old one but it's pretty funny:

A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

The 90-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about
that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.

When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream water. He raised his umbrella and went, 'Bang, bang,' and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied..... "My point exactly."


another:
PLEASE DIVERT

This is the actual radio conversation (released by the chief of
naval operations) of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

CANADIANS: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision."

AMERICANS: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision."

CANADIANS: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision."

AMERICANS: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course."

CANADIANS: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

AMERICANS: "This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are
accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous
support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees
north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."

CANADIANS: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
 

doos

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It took the Division of Motor Vehicles 6 months to figure out and revoke this lady's personalised license plate:

3M TA3
Can you tell why?
See answer below.





OKAY-HERE'S THE ANSWER...

It spells "EAT ME" in someone's rear view mirror!!!

-------------------------------
A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are
rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone
and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What
can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I
can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then the operator hears a shot.

The redneck's voice comes back on the line, "OK, now what?"
 
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