Were you born with a guardian angel on your shoulder, or is there a black cloud following your every move?
1. You’re at a bar and you’ve managed to score an incredibly good looking mate. You go back to their place…what happens next?
A. You spend all night talking about how much you have in common. The next morning you wake up and he makes you breakfast in bed. It’s love at first sight.
B. You go back and end up watching his collection of great rugby moments until the sun starts to peep its way through the window. You would have escaped earlier when he fell into a drunken sleep, but his leg has jammed you in place. You offer to go out and grab some food to make breakfast but scamper home instead.
C. You arrive and promptly fall asleep. In the morning you wake up with no idea where you are or who the person next to you is but they are not your type at all! You mutter something about tequila and too many cocktails and race out the door.
2. You head into the bookshop to grab a magazine and decide to buy an Instant Kiwi while you’re there. You win $50. What happens next?
A. You claim your prize and have a warm fuzzy feeling for a few hours.
B. You claim your $50, buy another 50 scratchies and win absolutely nothing.
C. You claim your prize, leave the shop and promptly get mugged by a gang of 14-year-olds. The pint-sized crims steal your winnings, your shoes and your bag, then push you into a muddy puddle.
3. You’ve been dumped…why?
A. They caught you in bed with someone else - but since the other person was an absolute babe with an amazing personality and body to die for, you're not TOO disappointed.
B. They caught you engaging in a drunken snog with your workmate. They not only dump you, but your new bit also tells everyone having their wisdom teeth out would be more exciting than a romp between the sheets with you.
C. They caught you in a rather compromising position with your stepbrother, whilst wearing their favourite underwear and a bunny rabbit costume. They not only dump you, but report you to the cops, leaving you with A LOT of explaining to do...
4. You’re trying on last year’s summer wardrobe but it doesn’t fit very well. Why?
A. When you washed your clothes, you forgot to change the setting on the washing machine to the gentle setting, resulting in your clothes now resembling outfits for a Cabbage Patch Kid.
B. When you bought them on sale last autumn you vowed to lose that “X”kg you put on over the holidays. Unfortunately the lure of McD’s for lunch and the Indian restaurant down the road just proved too much for you.
C. They did fit you last year, but that was before you started going out with a chef and stopped going to the gym.
5. You decide its time to get fit. What are the results after a month?
A. Astonishing. You've stuck rigidly to your diet of plenty of vegetables, lean meat, and 5 litres of the finest spring water a day, and exercised so much the gym have offered you shares.
B. You've managed to lose weight, but only because you starved yourself on the disgusting Cabbage Soup diet until the third week. Severe hunger pains in the fourth week caused you to eat your way through a large bag full of bakery goods, a year's supply of Cadbury family blocks and a small dog that got in your way as you ambled home...
C. You fell off the treadmill at peak time – twice. Two weeks later, when you had the courage to show your face again fell sideways and sprained your ankle while stretching, which put you out of action for the rest of the month. The remaining week was spent “recuperating” in front of the TV with a giant-sized bag of lollies.
Mostly A’s – Social Invalid
You don't like the taste of alcohol much, and prefer to stick to RTD’s that taste like the cordial your mum used to give you when you were little. Sorry, but sickly sweet RTD’s will still rot your liver, brain and stomach and the artificial colouring will leave you with ADD later in life. Of course this damage depends on you actually drinking more than two bottles of the stuff, as you're the type of person who can’t walk unaided after two shandy’s.
MOSTLY B'S – Lucky Leprechaun
You sail through life never having to worry about anything, money appears from nowhere when you need it, and you are loved by everyone. Unfortunately, your friends are probably conspiring to murder you…not that it will work, of course, as you're also immune to arsenic/bullets/stab wounds etc…
MOSTLY C'S – Normal Girl
You’re a paid up member of the Normal Club - doesn't it suck? The sad truth is that people who fall into Category A are either aliens, royalty or Cameron Diaz - the rest of the population, unfortunately, has to come to terms with the knowledge that they’re never going to get more than $10 once in a blue moon from Lotto, and will never hear Dougie Howlett declare his undying love.
1. You’re at a bar and you’ve managed to score an incredibly good looking mate. You go back to their place…what happens next?
A. You spend all night talking about how much you have in common. The next morning you wake up and he makes you breakfast in bed. It’s love at first sight.
B. You go back and end up watching his collection of great rugby moments until the sun starts to peep its way through the window. You would have escaped earlier when he fell into a drunken sleep, but his leg has jammed you in place. You offer to go out and grab some food to make breakfast but scamper home instead.
C. You arrive and promptly fall asleep. In the morning you wake up with no idea where you are or who the person next to you is but they are not your type at all! You mutter something about tequila and too many cocktails and race out the door.
2. You head into the bookshop to grab a magazine and decide to buy an Instant Kiwi while you’re there. You win $50. What happens next?
A. You claim your prize and have a warm fuzzy feeling for a few hours.
B. You claim your $50, buy another 50 scratchies and win absolutely nothing.
C. You claim your prize, leave the shop and promptly get mugged by a gang of 14-year-olds. The pint-sized crims steal your winnings, your shoes and your bag, then push you into a muddy puddle.
3. You’ve been dumped…why?
A. They caught you in bed with someone else - but since the other person was an absolute babe with an amazing personality and body to die for, you're not TOO disappointed.
B. They caught you engaging in a drunken snog with your workmate. They not only dump you, but your new bit also tells everyone having their wisdom teeth out would be more exciting than a romp between the sheets with you.
C. They caught you in a rather compromising position with your stepbrother, whilst wearing their favourite underwear and a bunny rabbit costume. They not only dump you, but report you to the cops, leaving you with A LOT of explaining to do...
4. You’re trying on last year’s summer wardrobe but it doesn’t fit very well. Why?
A. When you washed your clothes, you forgot to change the setting on the washing machine to the gentle setting, resulting in your clothes now resembling outfits for a Cabbage Patch Kid.
B. When you bought them on sale last autumn you vowed to lose that “X”kg you put on over the holidays. Unfortunately the lure of McD’s for lunch and the Indian restaurant down the road just proved too much for you.
C. They did fit you last year, but that was before you started going out with a chef and stopped going to the gym.
5. You decide its time to get fit. What are the results after a month?
A. Astonishing. You've stuck rigidly to your diet of plenty of vegetables, lean meat, and 5 litres of the finest spring water a day, and exercised so much the gym have offered you shares.
B. You've managed to lose weight, but only because you starved yourself on the disgusting Cabbage Soup diet until the third week. Severe hunger pains in the fourth week caused you to eat your way through a large bag full of bakery goods, a year's supply of Cadbury family blocks and a small dog that got in your way as you ambled home...
C. You fell off the treadmill at peak time – twice. Two weeks later, when you had the courage to show your face again fell sideways and sprained your ankle while stretching, which put you out of action for the rest of the month. The remaining week was spent “recuperating” in front of the TV with a giant-sized bag of lollies.
Mostly A’s – Social Invalid
You don't like the taste of alcohol much, and prefer to stick to RTD’s that taste like the cordial your mum used to give you when you were little. Sorry, but sickly sweet RTD’s will still rot your liver, brain and stomach and the artificial colouring will leave you with ADD later in life. Of course this damage depends on you actually drinking more than two bottles of the stuff, as you're the type of person who can’t walk unaided after two shandy’s.
MOSTLY B'S – Lucky Leprechaun
You sail through life never having to worry about anything, money appears from nowhere when you need it, and you are loved by everyone. Unfortunately, your friends are probably conspiring to murder you…not that it will work, of course, as you're also immune to arsenic/bullets/stab wounds etc…
MOSTLY C'S – Normal Girl
You’re a paid up member of the Normal Club - doesn't it suck? The sad truth is that people who fall into Category A are either aliens, royalty or Cameron Diaz - the rest of the population, unfortunately, has to come to terms with the knowledge that they’re never going to get more than $10 once in a blue moon from Lotto, and will never hear Dougie Howlett declare his undying love.