<---- I need some advise!!!

🤖 AI Summary

No AI summary has been generated for this thread yet.
4eVerFreeStyle

4eVerFreeStyle

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2001
Messages
2,079
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Location
Bayonne
Ok People, I typed this already, but it was lost (see thread to moderators :lol)

Anyway, I need to know if it's just me or that I might just be right about this....

My 6 year old son told me yesterday that this 15 year old girl call my ex (my two son's father) DAD and she is't his daughter.

I'll explain where this girl comes from...

When I met my ex, and we dated, then got pregnant with our first child, I realized how special having a kid is, so I asked him to find out if this little girl (then age 4or5) was his daughter. He had told me when we met that it was rumored that she could be his daughter, but that mother was married to someone when she slept with my ex so it wasn't convenient for her to find out other wise, until her husband moved back to PR so then this woman just started telling this little girl that my ex COULD be your father (REAL NICE RIGHT?) Anyway, I couldn't live with that so I wanted him to get a partnerity test to see if she was , but then, we broke up and he just shot me down when I kept asking if he ever did that. He married this other woman (the one he cheated on me with) and has a daughter with her now and he is raising her two other daughters (that have two different fathers) and they call him Dad too. That I understand, they are his step daughters,.... he is raising them so it's understandable... they are blessed to have someone love them like that.

Now, this 15 year old girl is back in his life because my ex has found religion and has now been saved and reborn. He had to take a paternity test because his religion made him do it. He told me that she isn't his daughter once the test was done... but here we are months later, and she is calling him Dad.

Am I wrong???????? My son asked me why does she call him dad when she's not his daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's bad enough my kids go over there and the baby is there because she is both of their daughter, but one daughter is with her father that weekend and the other daughter doesn't go to her fathers house until the following weekend!!! CONFUSING, HUH?

I am so sorry I am rambling off here, but this really bothers me. I don't want my kids to think that having kids all over the place is a good thing.

Oh, and to top it off, I asked my ex does that mean if I ever get married that our sons can call my husband dad,..........

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE SAID????????????

He said NO, I am their father and that's it. I asked why is it that all the little girls in his life have their own fathers , yet they call you Dad and he just responded... it's not the same thing.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE????????????

It's all well and good that his stepdaughters call him that - I am not having a problem with that, but this other girl.... Now my kids think he has a daughter YET AGAIN with another woman.

PLEASE HELP ME.

Gina :confused

Not that I would want it to be true that this little girl IS actually his daughter, but then at least this way, it's understood. I would just look at him and say, you see, I told you to do that test years ago and now look at all the time you lost with your daughter. When I mentioned the little girl to his wife, she said to me, oh, that's not his daughter so why do the test.

IT MUST JUST BE ME.
 
Is she calling him DAD because she is intentionally wanting to obnoxious, or is she calling him DAD because he is the only person who has showed any interest in being a father figure?

Are you taking this young ladies emotions' into condideration. She is a teenager, and NOW is the time when they most need strong parental support. Be it a REAl parent, or not.

Her mother has probably already embedded into her; that this is her father. What u expect the young lady to think. She probably just wants to make sense of all that has happened.

It's a real shame your son has to go through this. I'm sure you're being a good mommy and trying to explain all this to him, right?🙂
 
Thank you GirlNextDoor...

Believe me, I ALWAYS think of the kids first, whether they are mine or not.

Yes, she does have a father that IS around... and yes, her mother didn't help things by saying "THIS COULD BE" your father as she was growing up which is horrible on her end as it is..

But, what about my kids? I am trying to be understanding, but in the end, my kids will see yet ANOTHER kid in their life that isn't mine, but maybe is their fathers. Do you know what I mean?

I was the one who wanted to find out if that is his daughter, but I live in a small town (anyone in Bayonne can attest to that) and everyone knows your business here. It's a shame to hear sh*t in the street instead of from someone that you once trusted.

I totally believe the reason this kid is so attached to him is because he is a cop and for some reason, that's a big thing for her.

When she use to see him on the street driving in the squad car, she would get all excited and tell her friends... Look, at that cop right there, that could be my father. (some sh*t like that) That's when we were broken up and I would still ask him to find out if she was or wasn't... he just shut me up.

I'm not a bad person, believe me... But what kind of example is he leading for my kids? Yes, your father has babies all over town?

Thank you again Girl, I am so stressed over this.
 
WOW THAT'S A WHOPPER! YOU KNOW, IT'S A SHAME BUT IF HE'S SLEPT AROUND AND HAS KIDS EVERYWHERE THERE'S NOTHING U CAN DO ABOUT IT...WE AS PEOPLE CAN'T CONTROL AND ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER ADULT'S BEHAVIORS...NOW YOU HAVE TO BE THE STRONG ONE AND BE A GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR SON.....

AND I'M WONDERING IS THAT OTHER CHILD RECEIVING THE PROPER LOVE FROM HER REAL FATHER? OR MAYBE THAT OTHER WOMEN WANTED A CHILD FROM HIM THAT BADLY? SOME PEOPLE COULD BE REAL SCREWED UP..NO TIME FOR REGRETS. AND MAYBE U SHOULD ALSO HAVE HIM EXPLAIN THINGS TO YOUR SON...IT'S ALSO PARTIALLY HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND I THINK HE OWES HIM THAT MUCH.
 
You have no idea how much you responding to my "need" HELPS.

I am not easy on him and maybe that is why he doesn't talk to me any more, but when it comes to our kids, I do not AND I MEAN DO NOT give him a hard time about our kids (ex, seeing them, they call him to tell him things that happen (Of course, I tell them to call him for that)) and stuff like that....

Anyway, I have two boys to watch out for. I try not to put them in the middle, but I did ask my 6 year old, who this girl was? (I know who she is, I just wanted to see who he thought she was)... he said that Daddy said that she is his family. That's how my son knows her.

She isn't very close to my kids because they don't live with him.. and appearently, she picks up his stepdaughters from their aftercare and watches them for him when he has to do something.

Now, my kids are young.. 5 & 6 years old so NO ONE watches them except for me, or their father... their uncle (my brother is a big part of their life because I lived with him when me and my ex broke up)....so my kids always looked for my brother. Anyway, my ex knows NOT to allow this girl to pick my kids up (she is only 15) and hell no am I trusting a kid with my kids.

anyway, If this girl doesn't have a father figure around, does that mean she can have my kids father?

Do you have kids? I mean, would you be supportive of this?

You walk down a street and someone asks you... oh, I didn't know your ex had an older daughter?

BELIEVE ME, it's not about what people think It's the point of it all that is killing me.
 
yes i do have a child and she means the world to me...i can understand where u are emotionally and that's why i say he owes it to his son to explain to him what's going on..besides he must like being called dad by this young girl so something doesn't smell right....maybe he feels obligated to her or something but that's something you guys needed to discuss.

now now also understand that the only protection in order is to your sons, not him....personally i would concentrate on my kid(s)..don't let this situation blow your mind..it's not worth it.
 
one more thing...remember that your focus should be on you and your kids not your ex and what he is doing or has done....have him sit and explain things to them when the time is right..i'm sure if u don't make a big deal out of this situation neither will your sons, kids are not aware of things unless we make them aware of it.
 
you know what im starting to hate men!!!! ma im sorry i cant tell u much except i hope u get through it.....but i hate meeeeeeennnnnnn!!!! sometimes i wonder if i were gay would things change?????? nah i like one eyed lobsters lol dont think i could live without one i mean it lol
 
lmao@one-eyed lobster...that's too funny but you know what not all men are bad...so don't let a few spoil the bunch.
 
mzcrazy... thank you so much. I am concentrating on my sons, but sometimes, he makes it hard.

I try so hard to not show the kids how much I DISLIKE their father sometimes, but it's hard.

I thought about what you said about her needing a father figure... and yeah, that's all fine and dandy, but why DAD? He could be there for her, but just to have anyone calling him Dad is ridiculous.

You are right though, he is not worth me getting upset, but it drives me crazy that he can get so stupid.

Then to get all bent out of shape if our kids call another man dad.

go figure.

LaNena... I totally understand how you feel. I am terrified to date again. I am afraid that I am so damaged, that I'd never trust another man again.

Oh... I took my boys to Liberty State park so that they could ride their bikes, right... well, my 6yr old learned how to ride a two wheeler on basically the first try so I told him to call his father and my little one looked at me and asked me why, I thought you didn't like him. I felt so bad... I told him, mommy and daddy fight some times, but we always like each other... it's like when mommy and your uncle fight... we still care about each other, but we are mad at each other for a second.

I try to do good by my kids and I try to keep their father on their mind because honestly, they don't look for him and that hurts me.

I didn't have a father growing up - I just wanted them to have a father they could look up too because I didn't.

Ya know.

thank you again for writing me back.
 
MA YOUR WELCOME...BUT WHAT JUST HAPPEND AT THE PARK IS PROOF OF WHAT CAN RUB OFF ON OUR KIDS...WE HAVE TO BE STRONG...IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT WHEN A PARENT SCREWS UP AND THEY SHOULD NOT EVER BE PLACED IN THE MIDDLE OR FELT LIKE THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE....SO FOR THEIR SAKE KEEP NEGATIVITY OUT THEIR EARS AND THINGS WILL BE FINE...I UNDERSTAND IT'S NOT EASY...(TRUST ME I HAVE A STEPSON AND KNOW THE DEAL AND I LOVE HIM AS MY OWN EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES W/HIS MOM)

SO JUST GET OVER THE FACT THAT SHE CALLS HIM DAD, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HANDLED A LONG TIME AGO AND REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO W/YOU...YOU GUYS WILL BE JUST FINE....U HAVE A FRIEND HERE IF U NEED TO CHAT.
 
Thank you crazy...

I just had to vent.... BADLY.

I know what I have to do ... and I am so sorry that my kids saw me get so mad at their father (not that they haven't seen me mad at him before)... I was just so furious.

I haven't mentioned anything about this again while they were around... I guess that's why I decided to ask for advice here in CF.

My two best friends want to kill my ex for confusing my kids as it is (they totally love my boys).

Anyway, having a step child is one thing, I don't want you to think I think anything is wrong with loving a step child as your own... I mean, I love my godson as if he was mine,..

I know... I am just babbling....

Thank you again for listening and giving me your advise.

Gina 😉
 
I BELEIVE ALL CHILDREN IN THE WORLD NEED LOVE FROM SOMEBODY..AND IF MOST OF THEM WERE GETTING IT AT HOME THEY WOULDN'T BE RUNNING THE STREETS OR TURNING TO ALTERNATIVES.

YOUR WELCOME GINA.
 
Finally, my ex said something to me about this... apparently, this girl has been calling him dad for years (You would think I would have known this I mean, I gave birth to two of his kids).

Anyway... yes, her parents are f*cked up and I can't even imagine how this girl feels knowing that her father treated her differently then her brother because her mother was an Ahole for putting it in her head that my ex could be her father... her husband treated the girl differently the the son because of this.

Am I the only one thinking... if there was any doubt in this man's mind... why didn't he get a paternity test done??? NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT COSTS???? Wouldn't you want to know?

Either way, he shouldn't have treated her differently... he should have just slammed his wife around for being a sl*t.

I looked at my ex and told him that it is sweet of him to take on this responsibility, but for her to call him dad is wrong. She should at least call him uncle or something like that. He knows I'm right.

Anyway, thank you for listening.
Gina
 
yeah well it takes two to tango....and i knew something was behind this whole story..(call it a woman's intuition)i'm glad u clarified things w/him and yes some women could be real messed up and they don't realize the damage they can cause to a child in the long run...so she's fortunate to have someone in her life that cares...that's the way i see it. ...none of it is her fault.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top