horoscopes by Adam sandler


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Oct 23, 2002
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Staten Island
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to
be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly
because you do not pay attention to anyone or anything. Everyone thinks you
smoke a lot of dope.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do
nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you
are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence
and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn
and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for
too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for
thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things
off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.
Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think
you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are
cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ing. Virgos make good
bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All
Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success
because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch.
Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The
majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. You should kill yourself. :)



Mar 30, 2007
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Adam sandler is such a scumbag i swear!!

Reading some of those pi$$ed me off but the one about Cancers is quite accurate As i know several of them :(