myonlysweetie
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Are your suspicions right? 5 signs
By Randy B. Hecht
This isn't supposed to happen. Okay, it's supposed to happen to people on the TV programs you watch when you're in escapist mode. But not to you. It's not that you're filled with illusions that you and your man will live together in eternal bliss. All couples have their problems, and you're prepared to take on your fair share.
But not this. Not infidelity. Not in your relationship.
Before you start searching the phone book for a private detective, take stock of the situation and consider these signs that your guy may be cheating on you.
1. He's picking fights with you
"It was like I couldn't do anything right anymore, which gave him the excuse he needed to see less and less of me" says Jan, 48, of Sausalito, Calif. "Even when I finally had hard evidence, he tried to pin the blame on me. It really burns me to think about it now, because he was cheating, and I was feeling guilty for being such a total screwup."
2. You can't count on him lately
Unexpected last-minute cancellations are becoming the rule with him, and much as you try to deny it, some of his explanations sound pretty flimsy. "If he wasn't working late, he had to help a friend move, or take his mother to the doctor, or whatever," says Katya, 37, of Bar Harbor, Maine. "All plausible excuses, but after a while it got pretty obvious that something was up — I mean, he never knew about any of this stuff in advance? Come on."
3. He's gone from open to secretive
"Honestly, I didn't have a clue that he was having an affair," says Tamika, 29, of Washington, D.C. "One day he'd been online and got up to get a drink. I went over to the PC to check movie times or something, and you'd have thought I'd breached national security the way he reacted when he saw me there. I never even saw the email he was reading that day, but right then I knew something was up and it was nothing good."
4. Physical intimacy is becoming a distant memory
In fact, he hardly touches you, and if you try to touch him he acts like he's reverted to age 7 and the certainty that girls have cooties. Not a good sign.
5. He refuses to talk about it
"The funny thing is, he never took the trouble to reassure me that everything was fine," says Lynne, 34, of Harrisburg, Pa. "I'd say, 'Sweetie, I know something's wrong — can't we talk about it?' and he would just clam up totally. Even when we'd had problems, we'd always talked them through before. Eventually I had to face the reality that talk wouldn't solve this problem because he didn't want it solved."
Of course, any one of these signs could indicate some other problem, whether work pressure, depression, a bout of impotence, or any of life's innumerable plagues. Don't jump to conclusions ... but don't blind yourself to the symptoms, either. Recognizing them is the first step to identifying and resolving any trouble in your relationship — or moving on to something better.
By Randy B. Hecht
This isn't supposed to happen. Okay, it's supposed to happen to people on the TV programs you watch when you're in escapist mode. But not to you. It's not that you're filled with illusions that you and your man will live together in eternal bliss. All couples have their problems, and you're prepared to take on your fair share.
But not this. Not infidelity. Not in your relationship.
Before you start searching the phone book for a private detective, take stock of the situation and consider these signs that your guy may be cheating on you.
1. He's picking fights with you
"It was like I couldn't do anything right anymore, which gave him the excuse he needed to see less and less of me" says Jan, 48, of Sausalito, Calif. "Even when I finally had hard evidence, he tried to pin the blame on me. It really burns me to think about it now, because he was cheating, and I was feeling guilty for being such a total screwup."
2. You can't count on him lately
Unexpected last-minute cancellations are becoming the rule with him, and much as you try to deny it, some of his explanations sound pretty flimsy. "If he wasn't working late, he had to help a friend move, or take his mother to the doctor, or whatever," says Katya, 37, of Bar Harbor, Maine. "All plausible excuses, but after a while it got pretty obvious that something was up — I mean, he never knew about any of this stuff in advance? Come on."
3. He's gone from open to secretive
"Honestly, I didn't have a clue that he was having an affair," says Tamika, 29, of Washington, D.C. "One day he'd been online and got up to get a drink. I went over to the PC to check movie times or something, and you'd have thought I'd breached national security the way he reacted when he saw me there. I never even saw the email he was reading that day, but right then I knew something was up and it was nothing good."
4. Physical intimacy is becoming a distant memory
In fact, he hardly touches you, and if you try to touch him he acts like he's reverted to age 7 and the certainty that girls have cooties. Not a good sign.
5. He refuses to talk about it
"The funny thing is, he never took the trouble to reassure me that everything was fine," says Lynne, 34, of Harrisburg, Pa. "I'd say, 'Sweetie, I know something's wrong — can't we talk about it?' and he would just clam up totally. Even when we'd had problems, we'd always talked them through before. Eventually I had to face the reality that talk wouldn't solve this problem because he didn't want it solved."
Of course, any one of these signs could indicate some other problem, whether work pressure, depression, a bout of impotence, or any of life's innumerable plagues. Don't jump to conclusions ... but don't blind yourself to the symptoms, either. Recognizing them is the first step to identifying and resolving any trouble in your relationship — or moving on to something better.
