All kinds of sh*t............

[ChuckD]

THE GHOST SH*T
The kind where you feel sh*t come out, see sh*t on the toilet paper, but
there's no sh*t in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SH*T
The kind where you feel sh*t come out, see sh*t in the bowl, but there's
no sh*t on the toilet paper.

THE WET SH*T
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up
putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't
ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SH*T
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,
and you suddenly realize you have to sh*t some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SH*T
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SH*T
No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SH*T
The kind of sh*t that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIUS DRINKER SH*T
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking.
It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the
toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SH*T" SH*T
The kind where you want to sh*t, but even after straining your guts out,
all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS SH*T
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID SH*T
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,
splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time,
chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE CROWD PLEASER
This sh*t is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to
show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER
This sh*t occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL
This sh*t occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SH*T
A sh*t so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK SH*T
This sh*t has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity
within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SH*T
This is any sh*t created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER
A sh*t so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

 

[ChuckD]

Part 2

THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this sh*t has been known to
resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER
A sh*t which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in
a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to
push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM SH*T
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO SH*T
Now you see it, now you don't. This sh*t is playing games with
you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL
A sh*t that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to sh*t (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you
are nowhere near sh*tting facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny sh*t which has managed to coil itself into a frightening
position - usually harmless.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE SH*T
This sh*t may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the
woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SH*T
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from
God when you actually CAN'T sh*t.

PREMEDITATED SH*T
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SH*T
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

THE POWER DUMP SH*T
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when
you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER SH*T
This kind of sh*t is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all
over the floor.

THE SPINAL TAP SH*T
The kind of sh*t that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to
be coming out sideways.

THE PORRIDGE SH*T
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You
have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to
your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SH*T
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your
rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SH*T
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and
make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SH*T
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn
anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for
air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SH*T
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop
off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

The "TURBO-CHARGER" SH*T
You're sitting there, minding your business, so to speak, thinking
everything is normal, and suddenly there is a totally unexpected, yet
full and robust passing of wind, followed by more, perfectly normal
sh*t. This typically results in a completely soaked behind.

THE FLOCK OF SEAGULLS SH*T
You drank some very yeasty beer the night before, you're driving along
the only stretch of freeway with no service station for the next 50kms,
you skid to a halt when you get there, drop your pants on your way in
to the trap, and there's an immediate explosion, followed by the
realisation that there's a new mottled wall-paper on the wall behind
the bowl!

 

[La Mas Grande]

Lmaooooooooooooooo
I Really Didnt Need To Know All Of This Info About Shit

 

[DiaMoND_GiRL]

LMAO! Oh man...my stomach hurts from readin this...