AAhhh! To be Puerto Rican

Kenny Guido

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AAhhh! To be Puerto Rican

1. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: know how to make rice & beans from scratch in less than fifteen minutes.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: know how to reheat their mother's pot of rice & beans in 5 minutes flat.

2. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: can accomplish two things with one throw of their chancleta (sandals): Smack the grin off their child's face and kill the roach climbing out of the kitchen sink.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: can accomplish three things with one throw of their chancleta: Smack the grin off their child's face, kill the roach climbing out of the kitchen sink, and pop their man's mouth for whistling at the girls across the street and finish it all by saying "I saw that..." This proves my theory that the chancleta skill improves with every generation.

3. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: have a trunk filled with costume jewelry and a small jewelry box that contains their "real" jewelry.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: have five hoops in various sizes including one that has their name on it, a double heart ring, at least two name plates, one broken ankle bracelet with a heart and their initials, half of a best friend charm, an initial ring, and a name ring for each of their nicknames.

4. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: differentiate friends with the same name by indicating who they belong to i.e.: ju know ...Maria la de Jose, Maria la de Tony, Maria la de Marcos.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: differentiate friends with the same name by indicating a significant body part: ya know Maria with the big butt, Maria with no tetas, Maria with the messed up nose, etc...

5. When PUERTO RICAN WOMAN want to visit family, they fly to Puerto Rico

When NEW-YORICAN WOMEN want to visit family they cross the street.

6. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: do their own hair.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: go to the Dominican salon down the block.

7. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN: call two men Papi: their husband and their father.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN: women have several Papi`s: Papi Lindo,Papi Chulo, Papi Rico,

8. PUERTO RICAN WOMAN's "inner circle" consists of their cousins, sister-in-laws, god sisters, and cousin-in-laws, and at least two neighbors.

NEW-YORICAN WOMEN's "inner circle" looks more like a Latin United Nation consisting of two Dominicana's, a Colombiana, an Ecuatoriana, a Cubana, and the Morena who`s dating her brother.



You know your Boricua when....

* You call all cereal "Con-Flay"

* You store clean pans inside the oven

* You store used oil for later use "Why let good oil go to waste"?

* You always say "Bendicion" to your parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles when you see them AND when you leave

* You call any sneakers "Tenis"

* You can`t leave a party without taking a plate of food with you

* Your mother swears that Vicks Vaporub is the cure for everything

* You go out to the corner store in "chanclas"

* La "correa" or "la chancleta" were used to whip you

* You have at least one cousin in jail

* You start clapping as soon as your airplane flight lands

* Your family plays "musica jibara" and go on "parrandas" on Christmas

* Your mother has big wooden spoons hanging on her kitchen wall

* Your mother or grandmother has a ceramic elephant on the living room table

* You scream when you talk and the person is standing right next to you

* You cut words short, like pa` instead of para, estoy esmaya instead of tengo hambre, estoy halta instead of estoy llena, etc

* Your relatives take photos and videos at a funeral/wake

* Your grandma`s couch is covered in plastic even though it`s older than you

* Your grandma makes you put on slippers because walking around barefooted will make you get sick

* You found out about a Saturday party on Wednesday

* You blast the music at 8am to clean the house on a Saturday

* Your Mom has two sets of dishes and bed sheets: One for everyday use and the other for "cuando llege visita"

* Your mother keeps the rice in a big green soda-cracker can and instead of a scoop inside it's a tea cup with a broken handle

* Your favorite dish is pegao
 

Heartbrake

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There are so many of those examples that I am guilty of that all I can do is LMAO!!!

Que bonita bandera, que bonita bandera, que bonita bandera, bandera puertoriquena!
Now I'm impatient for our Parade!!
 
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