A Little George Carlin For Ya

*Sophia*

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These are cute...when you have time to read them...........


1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on thoselittle
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" andthe
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," whatdoes that make
the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that
one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus
as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope asthe
leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognizeeach other
in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland calledHoles?
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can delighted, musiciansdenoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeonsdebarked,
and drycleaners depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me....they're
cramming for their final exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinesemothers use?
Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Whydon't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps sothe mailmen
can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 
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