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Freestyle Forum: If Men Wrote Cosmopolitian......
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  #1  
Old 07-31-2001, 12:18 PM
XBklynNyCGyrlX XBklynNyCGyrlX is offline
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If Men Wrote Cosmopolitian......

if men wrote Cosmopolitan... It would go something like this...


Q: My husband wants to experience
three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive,
then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to kee your figure and gives
a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to
you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is
extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is
to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be
encouraged.The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with
other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a
stressful Affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just
look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his
stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess
with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may
wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea
markets. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive
present,and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not
love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you
in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and
make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice
meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to
him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and
don't for get to cook him a delicious meal.

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes
to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not
confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.


Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. Theimportant thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first
seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last ?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is
good.Anything under that and you may be rushing
your man. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural
desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf.
Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the
bar for the purpose of consuming> large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out--while he's
gone you can busy yourself by doing his> laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you
to do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making
him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers,or leaving him alone to
sleep while you go out and buy him an expensivegift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true.
The average erect male penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer
than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual
organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank
you lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing
his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.
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and the drama continues.......
I'm not a HATER, I just type ALOT!!
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  #2  
Old 07-31-2001, 12:21 PM
LATINAHEAT's Avatar
LATINAHEAT LATINAHEAT is offline
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Talking

GYRL YOU ARE CRAZY!!! FUNNY THO.......HEHEE
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  #3  
Old 07-31-2001, 12:28 PM
XBklynNyCGyrlX XBklynNyCGyrlX is offline
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LMAO!

CANT U PICTURE A GUY WRITING THIS???

LOL
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  #4  
Old 07-31-2001, 12:31 PM
doos doos is offline
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FUNNY...........
LOL...
YO YOUR CRAZY BKLYN
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  #5  
Old 08-01-2001, 01:11 PM
Blankita32 Blankita32 is offline
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That was to damn funny!
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BLANKITA FRESCA HERE REPRESENTIN!!!!!


Sonri para mi!

~Patty~
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  #6  
Old 08-02-2001, 01:09 AM
XBklynNyCGyrlX XBklynNyCGyrlX is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: TAKE A WILD GUESS...HINT: ITS ONE OF THE 5 BOROUGHS!! LOL
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yikes i hope jack's not mad at me for posting this but come on it was kinda funny wasnt it lol

luv ya jack!!
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  #7  
Old 09-17-2011, 05:56 AM
Dude111 Dude111 is offline
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My oh my......

If I wrote it these would be MY answers!


Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Well how do you feel aobut that? I think your husband should ONLY BE THINKING ABOUT YOU,not your sister also.........

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: If this makes you unconfortable TELL HIM SO and dont do it.. No one should force you to do these things!

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: He is most likely getting drunk and doing things you wouldnt want to be doing trust me,let him have his stupid nights out...

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Maybe he is unexperienced and hasnt ever had the pleasure,why not show him and educate him on these matters?


Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Your husband should not skip things that you might want to do,its not fair to you......

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: Give him time to get BETTER at pleasing you and one day he may give you several at once (Dont push things)

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
A: If you feel confident and willing to submit to him then go for it,otherwise HOLD YOUR GROUND 100%.. Its YOUR body not his!!

Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
A: Only if it feels right to you my dear friend,no one has the right to make you feel unconfortable or take advantage of you!!

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
A: I believe love and thoughtful feelings should be present during sex. This is why its important to ONLY HAVE SEX if your in love....

Q: How long should the sex act last ?
A: As long as you feel comforetable submitting to.......

Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: This is really just an excuse for him to get you to do MORE THINGS for him as he is lazy and wants to further take advantage...

Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
A: No not at all..... If it performs and works well,WHO CARES how big it is??
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