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  #1  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:45 AM
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Affairs

The First Affair

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and
sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful
father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was
horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his
wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that
child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern
look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just
smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."



The Second Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made
an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever
seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to
be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be
saved for posterity." And with that the coroner used his tools to remove
the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and
took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something
to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"



The Third Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly
rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend you're a
statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the
room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths
bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they
went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the
kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."



The Fourth Affair

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied "Yes." So the guy
glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy
T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."


"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"4 cents", he replies.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."



The Fifth Affair

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining candlelight vigil by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice "I have
something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's
all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know" Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you"



Sixth Affair

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one
evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to
his wife with endearing terms-- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart,
Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly,
they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the
man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after
all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I
forgot her name about 10 years ago."
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  #2  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:47 AM
Spiral Spiral is offline
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I like affairs!!! Affairs of the Pee Pee!!
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  #3  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:53 AM
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I think you need some huevo Spiral... want me to help?
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  #4  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:53 AM
Blankita32 Blankita32 is offline
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LMAO!!!!
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Sonri para mi!

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  #5  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:56 AM
Spiral Spiral is offline
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No thank you..no tengo hambre!!
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  #6  
Old 10-03-2001, 10:58 AM
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ok... as you wish...
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  #7  
Old 10-03-2001, 11:06 AM
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LMAO ..........
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  #8  
Old 10-03-2001, 11:17 AM
Putana Putana is offline
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The affairs were a trip. Especially that 2nd one! LOL!
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Old 10-03-2001, 11:55 AM
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LMFAO

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  #10  
Old 10-03-2001, 01:19 PM
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OH DAMN!! these were hysterical especially from three down!!

"I know Honey that's whay I poisoned you"!!!LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naya
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  #11  
Old 10-03-2001, 02:33 PM
yvonne02002 yvonne02002 is offline
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I PERSONALLY LIKED THE 5TH AFFAIR...LMAO!!! I WOULD DO THE SAME!!
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  #12  
Old 10-03-2001, 02:36 PM
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Me too Yvonne!! that was my favorite one!! that sounded like me!!!!

Naya
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:40 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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LOL @ Schwartz's schlong.
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:44 PM
Fierce Freestyler Fierce Freestyler is offline
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I LIKED THEM ALL BUT THE ONE WITH THE RESTAURANT WAS THE BEST
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:46 PM
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Talking DAYYYYUUUMMMMM

I HAD TO CHECK THIS THREAD AGAIN TO MAKE SURE MY AFFAIR WASN'T EXPOSED YET!!

OOOPS SHHHHHHHHHH



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Old 10-03-2001, 02:48 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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You are a bad girl Latina.
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:51 PM
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<------ Ponders if she knew Schwartz.......

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  #18  
Old 10-03-2001, 02:54 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Wonders if Spiral knows Schwartz first hand with her 20" wee wee.
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:56 PM
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Talking LMAO @ MYD

OH YEAH I AM A BAD BAD GOOD GIRL.......

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Old 10-03-2001, 02:58 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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My favorite kind. Good on the outside, bad on the inside!
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Old 10-03-2001, 03:22 PM
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Talking

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMMMMMM

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Old 10-03-2001, 03:41 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Hmmming.
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  #23  
Old 10-03-2001, 03:43 PM
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8th-Sin 8th-Sin is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by MakeYaDance
Wonders if Spiral knows Schwartz first hand with her 20" wee wee.
why do you think he is dead? LMFAO
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Old 10-03-2001, 03:44 PM
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Talking MAKEYA DANCE

MAKE ME DANCE!!!

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Old 10-03-2001, 03:46 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Anytime you want Norma.

LMBO 8Th
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