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Freestyle Forum: giggles and chuckles....again!!!
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  #1  
Old 04-04-2001, 08:59 AM
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What's the difference between a blonde and a pickle jar?
You can't get your whole fist into a pickle jar.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:00 AM
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Why was the nearsighted fly starving?
He couldn't see shit.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:01 AM
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What do you say when you see your TV
floating through your house at night?
"Drop it, Leroy."
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:04 AM
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What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
It's fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:06 AM
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How does a man plan for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:07 AM
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Why do blondes whistle on the toilet?
So they'll know which end to wipe.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:41 AM
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What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit.


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Old 04-04-2001, 09:43 AM
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What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Toast is brown on both sides.



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Old 04-04-2001, 09:44 AM
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EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW KENNY!!

Those last two jokes were yucky !! LMAO but funny!!

naya
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:44 AM
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Why do women have arms?
Because it would take too long to lick the kitchen
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:45 AM
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Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because pot holder was already taken.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:47 AM
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

That one was good.

naya
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:48 AM
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:50 AM
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:54 AM
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A wife asks her husband, "Honey, would you like some dinner?"
He says, "What are my choices?"
She says, "Yes or no."
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Old 04-04-2001, 12:41 PM
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BOOK? WHAT ARE THEY?!?!?!? I HAVENT READ A BOOK SINCE 1994!!
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Old 04-04-2001, 09:44 PM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by KENNY DA GUIDO
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
ROTFLMBO!
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  #18  
Old 04-07-2001, 12:33 AM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Talking The Last Thing Any Man Would Ever Say:

THE LAST THING ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool mutha***.
While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her breast are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.
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Old 04-07-2001, 12:36 AM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Talking The Last Thing Any Woman Would Ever Say:

THE LAST THING ANY WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY:

Could our relationship be more Physical? I'm tired of just being friends.

Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.

Hey, get a whiff of that one.

This diamond is way too big.

I'm wrong, you must be right again.

What do you mean today's our anniversary?

Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.

Hey, pull my finger!
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  #20  
Old 04-07-2001, 12:43 AM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Things Men Need To Know About Women:

If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a
formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'

Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

Women think all beer is the same.

Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

Women brush their hair before bed.

Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon
returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone,
read a book, or get the mail.

Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter (or at least men think it means that). PMS also
stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.

Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are
heading.

All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5
pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover
the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to
sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys (which gets them in More trouble).

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't
see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

It's okay for women to dance with each other, but you don't see men dancing together.

Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time
checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.



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  #21  
Old 04-07-2001, 12:44 AM
MakeYaDance MakeYaDance is offline
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Red face

I think I have way too much time on my hands. I'm off to bed. Nite all!
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  #22  
Old 09-17-2011, 05:34 AM
Dude111 Dude111 is offline
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Good collection here!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenny Guido
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Ya isnt this the sad reality of it Kenny?
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