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Freestyle Forum: ™FR3ESTYLEKING'S OFFICIAL JOKEBOOK
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  #801  
Old 01-28-2003, 07:03 PM
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mzcrazybtch mzcrazybtch is offline
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LMAO!
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  #802  
Old 01-30-2003, 11:05 AM
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LMAO!
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"I get lost in your eyes, and it makes my spirits rise. Is it love that I am in? I get weak in a glance, isn't that what's called romance? I just fell, don't know why. Something's there we can't deny. I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for, you can take me to the skies. It's like being lost in heaven, when I'm lost in your eyes."
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  #803  
Old 02-02-2003, 06:25 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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I'm Not Saying...

..SHE'S EASY BUT...

1.) She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

2.) She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.

3.) She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

4.) She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.

5.) She's been mounted more often than Trigger.

6.) She's been with more animals than Marlin Perkins.

7.) She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

8.) She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.

9.) She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.

10.) She's spent more time under men than barstools.

11.) She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

12.) She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

13.) She's had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.

14.) Her body has been declared a national recreation area.

15.) Her diaphragms come with a service contract.

16.) She has an IUD with a beeper.

17.) Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.

18.) Her pantyhose have a pet door.
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  #804  
Old 02-02-2003, 06:27 PM
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Arrow Get Wet!!!

A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit
fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter how
desperately he looked. Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and tried to figure out what to do. As he stood there up to his chest in water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard-on.

Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently out of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" Although most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty redhead took a more direct course of action. She tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling, "Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch before it gets away!"
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  #805  
Old 02-02-2003, 06:36 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Lightbulb Kofi Annan’s New Year's UN Resolutions

1.) Be brave -- ask US for more money.

2.) Salt and pepper beard more.

3.) Apply for US citizenship.

4.) Lose weight -- no more delicious McDonald's cultural hegemony!

5.) Bad-mouth US in front of Middle Eastern diplomats more.

6.) Daily affirmation: "I am not the tool of the world's sole superpower!"

7.) Make the UN more bureaucratish.

8.) Write resolution to write more resolutions condemning the rogue state of Luxembourg.

9.) Talk to US President more in broader terms - "African People Hungry," "Arabs Hate You," "Germany no likee war. Now." Perhaps speak slower.

10.) Finally count out Third World dues change jar.

11.) Resolve to cut the word “Secretary” from title. “General Annan” catchier.

12.) Change name of UN Security Council to either "THE STAR CHAMBER", or "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN", or “THE GUNS AND MISSILES CLUB".

13.) Switch lame blue helmets of peacekeeping forces to ninja masks.

14.) Make sure diplomatic immunity applies to downloading illegal nude photos of that smoking broad Condi.

15.) Do charter bi-lines allow the UN to stockpile Weapons of Mass Destruction of their own? Could be help when negotiating with uppity Western Nations. Look into it this year. FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!
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  #806  
Old 02-02-2003, 06:41 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Exclamation 2 the women!

How many of these have *YOU* Heard?


1.) Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

2.) Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

3.) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

4.) I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

5.) That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

6.) I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

7.) If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

8.) Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.

9.) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

10.) Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!!

:lol
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  #807  
Old 02-02-2003, 06:48 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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*NEW MOVIE* What Men Want!

1-3.) More beer. More cheese. More sex.

4.) Vitamin fortified cigars.

5.) Public beer fountains.

6.) Kitty catapults.

7.) All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.

8.) Wet T-shirt Fridays.

9.) Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.

10.) Rocket boots.

11.) Machine gun camp.

12.) NASA space shuttle races.

13.) Sledgehammer boxing.

14.) Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.

15.) Congressional pie fights.

16.) Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.

17-19.) More beer. More cheese. More sex.

20.) Tomahawk missile surf boards.

21.) Hot tub jury boxes.

22.) Nacho cheese lipstick.

23.) Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.

24.) New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.

25.) 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.

26-28.) More beer. More cheese. More sex.

29.) Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.

30.) Inflatable sex dolls who cook.

31.) Beef jerky business cards.

32.) Combination briefcase/pizza oven.

33.) National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.

34.) Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.

35.) Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.

36.) Karaoke "ejector" stages.

37.) Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.

38.) The Astronaut Reserves.

39.) Porno without all the "talking" filler.

40.) Head banging elevated to "fine art".

41.) All money spent on women tax deductible!

42.) Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.

43.) Passports to Margaritaville.

44.) The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.

45.) One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.

And Finally what men really want!

46-50.) More Cheese, More Beer, More Sex & Sex With more than just 1 Woman
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  #808  
Old 02-05-2003, 04:29 AM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Cool Jesus / Elvis

1.) JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.

2.) JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.

3.) JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.

4.) JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

5.) JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)

6.) JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.

7.) JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.

8.) JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)

9.) JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)

10.) JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

11.) JESUS' countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3) ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

12.) JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)

13.) JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)

14.) JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.

15.) JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.

16.) JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.
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  #809  
Old 02-05-2003, 11:06 AM
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DreamGirl DreamGirl is offline
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Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
__________________
"I get lost in your eyes, and it makes my spirits rise. Is it love that I am in? I get weak in a glance, isn't that what's called romance? I just fell, don't know why. Something's there we can't deny. I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for, you can take me to the skies. It's like being lost in heaven, when I'm lost in your eyes."
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  #810  
Old 02-07-2003, 08:33 AM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Unhappy Nobody likes me no more!

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
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  #811  
Old 02-07-2003, 02:27 PM
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DreamGirl DreamGirl is offline
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:lol
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"I get lost in your eyes, and it makes my spirits rise. Is it love that I am in? I get weak in a glance, isn't that what's called romance? I just fell, don't know why. Something's there we can't deny. I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for, you can take me to the skies. It's like being lost in heaven, when I'm lost in your eyes."
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  #812  
Old 02-07-2003, 10:04 PM
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mzcrazybtch mzcrazybtch is offline
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lmfao...that was cool.
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  #813  
Old 02-10-2003, 03:12 AM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Arrow You Know

You're Addicted to Coffee When...

01.) you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

02.) you sleep with your eyes open.

03.) you have to watch videos in fast-foward.
the only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

04.) you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer.

05.) you've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

06.) your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

07.) you chew on other people's fingernails.
the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

08.) you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

09.) you can jump-start your car without cables.

10.) you don't sweat, you percolate.

11.) you walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

12.) you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

13.) you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
instant coffee takes too long.

14.) you channel surf faster without a remote.

15.) you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

16.) you short out motion detectors.

17.) you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

18.) you help your dog chase its tail.

19.) you soak your dentures in coffee.

20.) your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up.

21.) you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

22.) you answer the door before people knock.
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  #814  
Old 02-13-2003, 09:29 PM
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LOL king, good thing i still hate coffee
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visit me WWW.MYSPACE.COM/VINSST
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  #815  
Old 02-14-2003, 02:57 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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:lol I Needed some coffee today but there wasn't any
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  #816  
Old 02-14-2003, 03:04 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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I remember these days!

What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
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  #817  
Old 02-14-2003, 03:07 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Lil' Johnny #14

Little Johnny is visiting his cousin in the country and they decide to go for a walk down the back roads. After about three miles they find a used rubber lying by the road.

"Hey," Little Johnny, the dumbass city boys says, "look, some cow lost one of its titties!"

"Let's go give it to the farmer!" says his cousin.

So, they work they way up to the farmhouse. They knock on the door and out comes the farmer.

"Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?" says Little
Johnny.

The farmer didn't feel like conducting a mini sex ed seminar, said,
"Sure, uhhh, here's a dollar for your trouble."

Little Johnny hands over the rubber and head on back down the road.

After a little while Little Johnny says "You know, I bet we could have got more than a buck if I hadn't drank the milk out of it!"
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  #818  
Old 02-15-2003, 08:35 PM
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well when u get some make sure it's decaf.
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  #819  
Old 02-15-2003, 09:44 PM
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Vinss-T Vinss-T is offline
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LMAO :sperm nasty!
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  #820  
Old 02-16-2003, 12:00 AM
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Krystal Krystal is offline
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Krystal will become famous soon enough
:stoned

LMAO!
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According to Manny, distance does not exist when it comes to freestyle...especially for Krystal

I'm not crazy...I'm just a little unwell! :stoned -MB20
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  #821  
Old 02-16-2003, 12:02 AM
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Krystal Krystal is offline
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Krystal will become famous soon enough
:barf

LMAOOOOOOOOO!
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According to Manny, distance does not exist when it comes to freestyle...especially for Krystal

I'm not crazy...I'm just a little unwell! :stoned -MB20
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  #822  
Old 02-16-2003, 12:02 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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:lol LMAO :lol
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  #823  
Old 02-16-2003, 02:47 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize

1.) Britney Spears & Eminem
Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read.

2.) Dr. Phil Mcgraw
Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3.) America''s Oil Companies
For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix.

4.) Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5.) Bill Gates
For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.

6.) The Editors of Maxim
For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.

7.) Jared
Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one.

8.) Jennifer Lopez
Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass.

9.) That 300 Pound Guy
Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights.

10.) Glaxo
Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.
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  #824  
Old 02-16-2003, 03:14 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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Adam & Eve

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would love you.
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  #825  
Old 02-16-2003, 03:17 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
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damn

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
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