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  #26  
Old 07-17-2001, 11:48 AM
Putana Putana is offline
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....Hope I didn't offend anyone 'cause I ain't tryin' to!
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  #27  
Old 07-17-2001, 11:55 AM
doos doos is offline
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THAT SH*T WAS FUNNY LMAO.......
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  #28  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:16 PM
Putana Putana is offline
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Thanks doos! I got a million of 'em:

A sad horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "why the long face?"


OK, that was a bit "cheese".....
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  #29  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:23 PM
doos doos is offline
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HOLD UP ILL COME UP WITH ONE HOLD ON LOL..
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  #30  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:27 PM
doos doos is offline
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A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
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  #31  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:30 PM
Putana Putana is offline
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Bro, that's sick! Blech! That sounds like your typical redneck jokes I hear down here all the time!
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  #32  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:37 PM
Rocko Rocko is offline
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Crimes of Passion

Crimes of Passion

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.

But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticks me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could find to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."The angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came in, Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." Jordan said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine.

But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there, face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story. I could get used to this new policy, he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and lets Vernon enter.

A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died." Clinton says, "OK, picture this.
I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator..."
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  #33  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:49 PM
doos doos is offline
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LMAO.....
TOO FUNNY
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  #34  
Old 07-17-2001, 12:53 PM
Putana Putana is offline
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Rocko...That sh*t was TOO FUNNY!!! For REAL!!!! I'm trying to hold my laughter & tears in here at work! It tickled me!
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  #35  
Old 07-17-2001, 01:33 PM
*~LebenezFStyler~* *~LebenezFStyler~* is offline
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LMAO.. Tooooooooooo Funny
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Reppin The Pimps And Pimpettes 4 Life! Ya Fresco/ca's Aint Got Nothin On Us!! The More The Fresca/co's The Better, Means More Hoes For Us Pimps To Pimp!!
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  #36  
Old 09-17-2011, 05:38 AM
Dude111 Dude111 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sexyangel
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Hehehe The best 2
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