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Old 10-28-2002, 03:48 PM
FR3ESTYLEKING FR3ESTYLEKING is offline
CF Freestyle GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Age: 40
Posts: 7,585
FR3ESTYLEKING is an unknown quantity at this point
Here you go............

One weekend Bob is in the bathroom shaving when Little Johnny, a kid
from around the neighborhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn and proceeds to go to the bathroom.

Little Johnny was rather well endowed (had a HUGE penis) and curiosity got the best of Bob and he couldn't help but look. Little Johnny had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!

Bob asked Little Johnny, "I don't mean to be too personal, but how did your penis get that big?"

Little Johnny laughed and said, "Every night before bed, I bang it on
the bedpost three times. It sure impresses the girls at school!"

Bob was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly
wait to try it himself!

Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times. He was just climbing into bed with new found confidence when his wife sits up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and says, "Little Johnny, is that you?"

____________________
Two drunks were lying alongside the curb when a cop came up. The officer saw that one had his finger stuck up the other drunks' ass. "What do you think you're doing?" the cop demanded.

"My buddy is sick and I'm trying to make him throw up," the drunk
slurred.

"Well how in the hell is sticking your finger up his ass going to make him throw up?" the cop asked.

"Just wait, " the drunk said, "until I stick it in his mouth."

____________________
IT'S LIKE MAKING LOVE TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN:

Making Coffee:
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir...gently and firmly. And then you put in the milk.

Laying A Carpet:
Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

Hanging Wallpaper:
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a
beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

Putting Up A Tent:
Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and... slip into the old bag.

Washing A Car ;
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

Answering The Phone:
Answering the phone, is... a little like making love to a beautiful
woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear,
speak... loudly and clearly... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your name.

Being In A Crash:
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual
lane highway, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a
rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

Going Fishing:
Of course, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often
thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

Being In Therapy:
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

____________________
Three women were roommates. One night, they all had gone out on dates
and they all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your make-up all smeared."

The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her
panties, and threw them against the wall, where they stuck. "Now, THAT'S a good date." she said.

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