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-   -   ™FR3ESTYLEKING'S OFFICIAL JOKEBOOK (https://clubfreestyle.com//showthread.php?t=29856)

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 04:36 PM

Is It Really?
 
The other day, I was going through the used book sale room at the library, and discovered a copy of Seymour Fisher's 30-year-old psychology tome
"The Female Orgasm" ........










...shelved under "Fiction."

:D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 04:49 PM

3rd Grade Quiz......
 
3rd Grade Quiz........

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students, Johnny.

"I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.

"What is 3x3?"
"johhny said 9."

"What is 6 x 6 ?"
"johnny said 36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her he thought Johnny belonged in third grade.

"Let me ask him some questions. What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

"johnny said Legs."

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

"johnny said Pockets."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions."

:D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 04:54 PM

Code For Love:
 
RATED S for SEXUAL:


There was a couple who did not want their children to know when they were going to have sex, so they decided on a code of "writing a letter."

One day, Daddy said to his daughter, "Tell your mommy that Daddy wants to write a letter." The girl went and told her mommy and the mom said, "The red ribbon is coming out, not now." The girl went back to the daddy and told him.

One day, Mommy told her daughter to tell her daddy that she wanted to write a letter. Daddy replied, "Not now. Daddy already wrote the letter by hand."

:D

I'm bored sowwwwwwwwwy

NESSAVA 10-10-2002 04:58 PM

HAHA :p

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 05:06 PM

Adults Only!!!!!!! (Rated PG)
 
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex


How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They'll never see you coming.

What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.

What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.

Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!

Why is being in the military like a bj?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole!

What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank-you notes to write.

What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
"How come?"

What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!

Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

Can you say three two-letter words that denote small?
Is it in?

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... Men will screw anything.

:D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 05:12 PM

Things Your Mom Would Never Say to You
 
Top #10


#1. How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

#2. Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

#3. Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.

#4. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

#5. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

#6. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

#7. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

#8. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

#9. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

#10. Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

:D

AnthonyA1971 10-10-2002 05:32 PM

LOL :D :p

FantasyGerl 10-10-2002 05:41 PM

lmao - hey i resent that one about the teenagers lol ;)

Krystal 10-10-2002 07:45 PM

LMAO!!!!!! I love "Little Johnny" jokes!

Coro'sGirl 10-10-2002 09:55 PM

u was really bored weren't u? lol..... ;)

FantasyGerl 10-10-2002 10:00 PM

lol well my mom got a kick outta that one.. specially numero cuatro cuz she dont want me to get this puppy im gettin next week.. lol

sexy mamma 10-10-2002 10:43 PM

That was funny thanks for making me laugh. Gos bless muaaa..

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 11:44 PM

:D Your welcome :D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 11:48 PM

Yes I was bored :) I get bored when I'm sick

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 11:51 PM

:nutz I liked this one

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-10-2002 11:52 PM

I Still can't get enough of this one :D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-11-2002 01:18 AM

Annoying Boy on Bus.....
 
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-11-2002 01:23 AM

Bumper Sticker Sayings:
 
#1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

#2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

#3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

#4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

#5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

#6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

#7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

#8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

#9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

#10. You! Off my planet!

#11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

#12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

#13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

#14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

#15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

#16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

#17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

#18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

#19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

#20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

#21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

#22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

#23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

#24. Adults are just kids who owe money.

#25. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

#26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

#27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

#28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

#29. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

#30. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

#31. Earth is full. Go home.

#32. Is it time for your medication or mine?

#33. Does this condom make me look fat?

#34. I plead contemporary insanity.

#35. And which dwarf are you?

#36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

#37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

#38. Meandering to a different drummer.

#39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

#40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

:D

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-11-2002 01:38 AM

Blonde's Backseat
 
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers' Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
"NO!" yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

"NO!" the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

"Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy.

"For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde looked at him and said, "Because I wanna stay up here with you."

:D

I was LMFAO

Krystal 10-11-2002 01:45 AM

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! DOH! :stoned

Krystal 10-11-2002 01:49 AM

#25. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.


^^^ that is SO my thoughts on this! ;)

LMAO!!!!!! I like these

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-11-2002 01:55 AM

Sweet story
 
Clemson Wedding -- A long, true story

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F*** you !" he then turned to the bride and said "F*** you !" and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said..... "Thanks, I'm out of here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: 1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception. 2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. 3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.... Ya gotta love this guy.

:D

Krystal 10-11-2002 01:57 AM

DOH!!!!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Krystal 10-11-2002 01:58 AM

:eek:

FR3ESTYLEKING 10-11-2002 02:02 AM

Smart man! ;)


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